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NydiaZitrone — ACASA (ASL x OC) 1. Story begins
Published: 2014-03-05 11:41:04 +0000 UTC; Views: 2595; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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"Asaca," A blonde little boy called excitedly, revealing the cute missing tooth, "Today's meal is crocodile!"
 
"I see," A brown-haired little girl checked the poor dead crocodile on the cart.
 
"You can roast it with that delicious sauce, Ask!"A little boy with a straw hat was mouth-watering already.
 
 The girl swiftly moved behind the two boys and gave them a sudden hit them on the head, "That is not my name, idiots!"
 
 "That hurts!" They complained but were completely ignored.
 
"How long will it take to cook?" Another cool black-haired boy asked.
 
"At least one hour," The girl answered, "And you can go and wash yourselves."
 
"Well, "the black-haired one nodded and went towards the river in the woods.
 
The blonde boy smiled awkwardly to the girl for not remembering her name correctly, "Sorry, then."
The straw hat boy also followed them, with one hand still grabbing the tail of crocodile.
 
"Luffy? Let go of it." Acasa noticed the stretched arm, "Or you'll have nothing to eat."
 
"O'kay..." While he was taking back his rub arm, being unable to control it, he clashed the two brothers. All of them smashed into a tree. And then, little Luffy almost looked like the poor crocodile after a good beat. The girl couldn't help laughing at the scene.
 
Dinner time
"Wow, it is so delicious!" The boys gulped like it was the most delicious thing in the world.
 
"Why don't you eat?" Asked Sabo.
 
"I've already had some." The girl explained with smile. "Besides, I'm not hungry."
 
"Is that so?" He didn't ask further. 
 
It was Sabo's turn to wash the pot and dishes today. They never let Luffy do washing because he would destroy everything. And now he was too full and slept soundly inside the bedroom.
 
Outside the little wooden house, Acasa was sitting on the stairs, staring up to the sky. Ace was leaning against the door frame behind her and staring at the moon as well.
 
After moments of silence, finally the boy asked, "What is it?"
 
Acasa was a little startled, "I…I 'm leaving in a week."
 
"......"Ace waited.
 
She continued, "I am really happy to have you as my friends even just for a month. You saved me from dying."
 
Tears were circling in her beautiful emerald eyes.
Ace couldn't see from his angle but he could tell from her tone that she was going to cry. He scratched his head and moved to sit next to her.
 
...They kept silent again until Sabo came out. "Finally ...What are you guys doing?"
 
"Nothing ..." Ace answered and hesitated whether to inform him about her leaving.
 
The girl stood up and smiled to them all of sudden, "May I go training with you tomorrow?"
 
"... Sure ..."They didn't understand what she meant to do.
 
Ace was confused but he tried to ignore it. "I'll wake up that idiot, it's time to go. Dadan is waiting for the meat."
 
"Sabo, actually I'm--"Acasa decided to tell him the truth but she was interrupted by Luffy's hiding behind her.
 
When her eyes met with Ace's, Acasa bit her bottom lip and looked away with blushed face.
 
"Goodbye, Acasa." Ace walked past her and dragged Luffy with him.
 
"Bye-bye!! Thank you for your cooking!" Luffy addressed her.
 
"See you tomorrow then." Sabo waved to her. She waved back, "See you." 

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Comments: 2

cherry-powa [2014-05-05 17:31:18 +0000 UTC]

complaint => complained
tail of *the* crocodile
or you *won't have anything* to eat
taking back his *rubber* arm but *not controlling it well enough* he hit the two *others*
all three (without "the")
but laugh (no past tense)

it *was* Sabo's turn (you went to present tense in the middle of the story)
today => that day
slept => was sleeping inside
I am really happy to *have had* you as my friends
tears *were*
Luffy hiding (without " 's ")
with *a* blushed face

Your story seems promising ! If you're okay with that, I'll keep correcting as I read, it'll only improve the understanding of your story. I'm not a native english speaker either though so I might miss some errors, sorry about that

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

NydiaZitrone In reply to cherry-powa [2014-05-06 02:34:09 +0000 UTC]

It's so kind of you to point out and correct my mistakes.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0