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ohfxck β Getting Over You
Published: 2006-07-31 16:03:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 450; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 7
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Description
this is a letter from my heart to youi wrote it long ago but it still holds the truth
it started 'i love you'
crossed out six or seven times
followed with 'just notice me'
on seven hundred lines
next came 'is she better?'
splashed with several dried-up tearsΒ Β
the next implied forever
'i will wait for you for years'
it was harder to continue
flip to the second page
the next line sounded lonely
but it was hard to gauge
it stated,
'please just kiss me one more time
i know it will not make you mine,
but the only thing i'm hoping for
is a hint, some kind of sign'
and then the page began to fade
for a pretty blue line or two
but i'm pretty sure i prayed
to just get over you
now i can barely make it out
but the message is getting clearer
i said,
'you're something i have to do without
i took your picture from my mirror
your memory is fading and it's scaring me a lot
but obviously it's not meant to be
i feel like something you forgot'
then i quietly grabbed the corners
and folded it once more
and then i struck a match
and let the ashes hit the floor.
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Comments: 10
I totally feel and get this,
Bravo, excellent and well written
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wow its so.... beautiful and real
i love how you write poetry
your really good at it
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I really liked it. I like how you got your message across so clearly while using subtle phrases, you kept it simple yet understandable. Nice!
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Excellent work! I really connected with this piece, because I actually did that once, without the fire of course
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Very nice. I like the flow, it was pretty consistent. I didn't like how you used 'pretty' so close together
"for a pretty blue line or two
but i'm pretty sure i prayed"
The first pretty could be exchanged with 'lovely'
As for the next thing that should be corrected, I would suggest capitalizing 'i' It is grammatically incorrect. Just as bad as misspelling a word. It's very distracting.
Other then that, there wasn't too much else I found wrong with the piece. I do like how she burned the letter in the end. It really meant a lot to me, it was very realistic.
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I really enjoyed this, the beat was easy to pick up on and it flowed great through the entire piece. As one who does not write in that form I love reading them from time to time if they are good. And this is a very wonderful piece. I loved the concept and your way of wording things. Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you! And thanks for the first (positive) comment on my first DA poetry submission ;D
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