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Published: 2013-05-10 18:58:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 4460; Favourites: 276; Downloads: 5
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Description
Tea with the rabbit todayjust the same as every day,
every single day and every single night.
And when he danced and sang
I could not join in merriment
for the ropes that bound did not budge
"Merry Unbirthday!"
He would scream and cry while sipping tea,
and I would laugh while hiding tears.
He said he was late,
for what I know naught,
but he did not leave my nightmare.
“The Queen of Hearts is evil!”
And I agreed blindly. Yet I could not help
but wonder if she was really the evil one.
Dormouse, his friend of valiant honor,
rammed his sword into my thigh
and grinned when I wept and bled.
And my one and only friend sat across,
sipping his tea without a care, mumbling nonsense.
The giant hat upon his head outweighed his judgement.
Tea was scalding as it poured down my throat,
he didn't care as his feet thumped down
pleas to stop fell on deaf cottontail ears.
And when the cry of ‘off with her head!’ sounded
I couldn’t help but be relived and yet I still cried.
For Wonderland was anything but wonderful.
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Comments: 127
swallowshadow In reply to ??? [2013-05-11 06:40:23 +0000 UTC]
I agree!! I found it less frightening though, than just plain disturbing. The walrus is eating little babies - and somehow this is supposed to be funny?? The whole movie was like a vanilla-frosted cake made of grave dirt. Pretty drawings shaping perfect horrors.
And, by the way, I really liked your poem. The only thing I can think of to improve it would be more varied vocabulary, but honestly you took very common language and made it seem more real. Like that word "screamed," you hear that word in so many movies and songs, but somehow in your poem it seems to strike the reader anew, and so vividly, like a scar. This is a really good poem and I think you traced the dark side of Wonderland beautifully!
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Oilux In reply to swallowshadow [2013-05-13 19:57:20 +0000 UTC]
Thank you so much! And thanks for the suggestion, I'll be sure to work on my vocabulary
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swallowshadow In reply to Oilux [2013-05-16 21:36:29 +0000 UTC]
My pleasure! I can't wait to see your future work!
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JessieSongBird [2013-05-10 21:02:41 +0000 UTC]
I never cared for Alice in Wonderland myself... It creeped me out. I LOVE this poem, nice job!
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MabusTheDark [2013-05-10 20:55:47 +0000 UTC]
That story is more sugar-coated than most, hehe. This was an entertaining read, and quite good!
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MabusTheDark In reply to Oilux [2013-05-10 22:28:59 +0000 UTC]
^.^ So many nursery rhymes have much darker, grittier origins!
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Oilux In reply to MabusTheDark [2013-05-13 19:58:44 +0000 UTC]
Oh yes like Ring a Ring o' Roses!
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MabusTheDark In reply to Oilux [2013-05-13 20:03:05 +0000 UTC]
At leats Hansel and Gretel was sort of close to what it originally was.
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Oilux In reply to MabusTheDark [2013-05-13 20:07:19 +0000 UTC]
True, that story really didn't get changed that much over the years
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MabusTheDark In reply to Oilux [2013-05-13 20:08:11 +0000 UTC]
Which I think is pretty awesome lol.
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RepoRaccoon In reply to ??? [2013-05-10 19:39:08 +0000 UTC]
Wow I love this I love alice IN wonderland and this is so twisted you painted a lovely picture great job more plz
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Oilux In reply to RepoRaccoon [2013-05-10 21:56:11 +0000 UTC]
Omg I was thinking about writing this as a fiction piece, but I'm not sure
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RepoRaccoon In reply to Oilux [2013-05-10 22:36:58 +0000 UTC]
Oh yes plz you have to it would be a dream come true I always wanted a twisted alice in nightmareland storey
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Oilux In reply to RepoRaccoon [2013-05-13 19:58:08 +0000 UTC]
Hmmm...maybe. I have to think more about it and details and such
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RepoRaccoon In reply to Oilux [2013-05-13 20:25:58 +0000 UTC]
Great I know you can do your amazing
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WalkTheLane In reply to ??? [2013-05-10 19:02:57 +0000 UTC]
Haunting. When I watched the movie when I was older, I wondered why I didn't have nightmares as a kid. It was certainly more a freakish nightmare than an afternoon dream. I think you did a great job of capturing it.
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Oilux In reply to WalkTheLane [2013-05-10 19:07:26 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! Unfortunately, when I was younger, this movie actually did give me nightmares.
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