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OmniaMohamedArt In reply to theAllex [2015-08-28 18:39:41 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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OmniaMohamedArt In reply to shadeypics [2015-08-26 08:05:35 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!

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OmniaMohamedArt In reply to Eric-S-Huffman [2015-08-25 21:04:09 +0000 UTC]

Thank you
I am still having hard time to get over her loss till now

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Eric-S-Huffman In reply to OmniaMohamedArt [2015-08-25 22:40:41 +0000 UTC]

Lil secret.
I was adopted at 9 months by my mom n dad. I was told this since I was old enough to understand. but they were not a mother and father but a mom and dad.. having been told they would help me find my bio parents I declined and said they were good enough. That lil boy made a promise to himself that they would always be his mom n dad and never go find any others.
That promise has been kept for almost half a century. They were the best mom and dad and the most beautiful and loving parents any child could ever have.
When I was 11 My mother had a grand mal seizure. at the hospital she was diagnosed with brain, lung and liver cancer ( this was 1978 ). My mother fought with radiation and chemo and I got to watch half of the most important person in my life die by inches each and very day. I watched as my dad stood with her in everything. and 2 1/2 years later I stood next to him and watched my mother die.
I did not cry then. I did not cry at her funeral. I did not cry for 3 weeks... I came home from school and went thru the back door and said " hi mom. I'm home"... That is when I hit the wall and everything came crashing down and I understood that she was gone.
That was over 30 years ago.
When you love someone without ANY reservations and with your whole being. you never ever never never get over it. That loss is as fresh today as it wa then.
Life happens we get busy and don't dwell or think of people at times... time marches onward.
But there is not one day that has passed that I have not thought of her and loved her along with everyone else who I have loved and lost.
They say love cannot die. but it can be killed.. I swear as I did when I was 4 and make the only promise that matters. the one to myself. I will love them as I have always loved them here or not and never ever never never give up on that love.

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OmniaMohamedArt In reply to Eric-S-Huffman [2015-08-26 08:34:53 +0000 UTC]

I just read your story, I'm very sorry for your loss and I understand what you have been through as I can totally relate to the part when you came back from school and behaved like your mother is still there.

Despite it's been 3 years now, I still hallucinate about her. Sometimes, when I'm alone or studying I can actually see her standing before me but when I try to tell individuals around me that she's there, they look to me as If I'm crazy.

I suffered from sleepless nights as there were times when she visited me in my dreams. We were so close to eachother and more like sisters.

Hours before her death, we spoke on the phone and had a bad argument (this was one of the rarest times it ever got intense) and I remember the last thing I told her was "I never wanna see you ever again!" and hang up. About 4 hours later, I received the news about her death as she was hit by a car while crossing the street.

I was in complete denial. Eventhough I saw her body at the morgue, attended her funeral and even witnessed her family bury her I refused to believe it. The only time I burst into tears was when I held her cellphone and looked at the screen pic at her iphone (pic of me and her), that time I seriously cried as I came to realize: she's actually gone!

Remembering her is easy, I go through this everyday. Missing her is the pain that never heals...

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Eric-S-Huffman In reply to OmniaMohamedArt [2015-08-26 16:34:36 +0000 UTC]

Got news for you.. It never will heal.
and if you take a moment to think about that would you really want it to heal and the pain of loving that person to just up and go away?
Would you not want to feel the depth of caring and love always within your heart even though the pain makes you want to scream.
I lived in a duplex with my grandma(mothers mom) n Aunt ( mothers sister ) living downstairs while my mom, dad n I lived upstairs.
8 months before my mom found out of her cancer I got into a HUGE argument with my aunt Toni about her having asthma and smoking. She accused me of hiding her cigarettes ( I was VERY anti-smoking as a child) and we really had a verbal knockdown n drag out before I went back upstairs that night,
The next morning I was woken up by my mom and told that my aunt Toni died from an asthma attack last evening after I went to bed. My mother ( who was a nurse in a MASH unit during the Korean war) performed C.P.R. on her and spent 20 min breathing for her until the ambulance arrived. but it was no use. my aunt never regained consciousness and died in her sisters ( my mothers ) arms.
I later found out that my aunt Toni found her missing pack of smokes in the bathroom where she left them but I was already asleep and she figured she would tell me in the morning.
Understand I was 10... but I was furious with my mom n dad because no one woke me up till the next day. ( I have since grew up and understood that it was more important for my mom to work to save her sisters life than come wake a little boy up ) and to this day I feel that it was our argument that upset my aunt and maybe made her smoke more than usual to calm her nerves that led directly to her having that attack and dying.
What I know inside is that the last words we spoke together were in anger and hurtful and I will never forgive myself for that. but I cannot ever change it or go back.
I will say that having grown up I know a bit more than I did then. I know My aunt loved me and I loved her and even though our last moments shared together were harsh, there were many, oh so very many other times together when we were able o love and cherish each other and experience the simple things and talk, smile, joke and laugh together... those times far, far outshine any of the bad times...even the last.
I also know that while I will never forgive myself that she would and has. I know that because I know her and know the kind of person she was and still is. She would have said that it was her fault for smoking not me upsetting her and driving her to do it... she would have said that while stupid, it was her choice to smoke and none of it was my fault.... and now I understand that she would be right... It will not change how I feel or what I think of as my responsibility in our argument or her dying. But she would just shake her head and smile and know that one day I will understand that part too.

Bottom line is we are the sum of those who have made us and loved us and showed us how to be the person we are and will grow into being.Those people never do leave us and still sit, hold, hug and kiss our foreheads and love us just as much today as we still love them.
If anything can be said truthfully to be more important than life itself it is love. for without love in us there is no meaning to life at all. The love we share and those who we share it with are what gives life its full meaning.
 It is never wasted or lost.

As you prolly have noticed I have had a lot of experience in death..I had another aunt who fell thru the ice one winter and wasnt found till spring when I was 5. My brother was murdered and drown when I was 7 in Lk Michigan and they didn't find the body for 2 months..  My father had a nervous breakdown and a heart attack after having to identify his body. By the time I was 18 the only family I had left was my dad, 1 uncle and my grandma.. ( from a family that started out with 3 great grandparents, 3 grand mothers, 2 grand fathers, 2 sisters, 1 brother, 7 uncles and 3 aunts and 12 cousins )
Now I am the oldest and one of 3 left in my family with my daughters being the other remaining 2.  Every day I am surrounded by those who I can no longer see straight on or talk with but I feel them and know that I am not alone and that n the reason I can feel them is because of who they all helped me to become.

 I never left them and they will not leave me and I would not ever change that for the world.

You are not alone either.
and I don't think you really would want to be.

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OmniaMohamedArt In reply to Eric-S-Huffman [2015-08-28 18:43:12 +0000 UTC]

I guess your right. All what we can do is pray to see our loved ones who left this world before us in the other world.
To be honest, I still feel her presence somehow despite it's been over 3 years now.

All I know is that I'm not alone anymore, and that definitely she's always with me

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Eric-S-Huffman In reply to OmniaMohamedArt [2015-08-29 12:41:59 +0000 UTC]

Praying is good. it helps us remember our creator and this life we have been given. But as you know from your own feelings and the love you have in your heart that while you may never again lay earthly eyes on them. there will come a time where you will be reunited as will we all.
They have really never left just are unseen by most. yet I fully believe that Love is the greatest gift we can have and share and that love is more powerful than anyone can imagine and because of that it is what keeps us chained together by choice and who we are with those who share the same with us. So when you see and feel that one you love smile at you or be next to you at your side know that it isn't just by your choice but tiers as well and you are together which is not a sad thing but a feeling you can revel in and rejoice from.
You were not alone to start with even after she was gone. you just needed to open and see that with your heart instead of your eyes.

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OmniaMohamedArt In reply to pjenz [2015-08-25 21:04:32 +0000 UTC]

Thanks aloooot dear

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pjenz In reply to OmniaMohamedArt [2015-08-26 21:33:18 +0000 UTC]

so very welcome

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