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oracle-of-nonsense — Summertime
Published: 2011-03-24 02:56:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 515; Favourites: 18; Downloads: 2
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Description it's
riding down cracked-asphalt roads,
sweet tea beside you in the console
while you sit, knees bent back,
languidly slouched so your toes
can soak up the sun heating the windshield,
making the dashboard almost
burn your tender soles
if not for the cooling wind
knotting your hair
like the fingers of a drunken lover

it’s
the way the intercostal
is still lukewarm at night;
the memories made at one a.m.
staring down hungry herons,
shrieking like children when
something
brushes its slime against your toes,
and drying off in the stern breeze
that curls your hair
so you don’t soak the seats
of the sand-floored van you borrowed
to show your friends the nightlife

it's
the scent of super-heated asphalt
scorching the bottoms
of your knock-off Rainbows
as you weave, in Daisy’s cut-offs
and an earth-toned spaghetti strap,
through the glistening crowd
of foreigners, vendors and locals,
and meander around shady tents
peddling everything from hand-crafted,
pearl-and-turquoise wired jewelry
to plastic bags of melted, home-baked cookies

it's
salty, laughing kisses on
sandy, sunburnt shoulders,
right before being tossed,
shrieking,
into the pregnant swells of the ocean,
arms and legs thrown out
like unsteady compass points
until you are retrieved,
kept well above water
by the same mast-steady arms
that threw you into the sky
blue
like he says your eyes are,
blue
like the cotton covers that smelled fresh,
the way a cool shower feels after a day
well wasted  
chasing each other through the sand
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Comments: 28

Chezzy-Am [2014-05-16 06:49:14 +0000 UTC]

-- Let me know how the whole ongoing metaphor thing seems to you
To be honest with you, I did have to read the title two or three times to be sure what the whole portrayal was in this poem so far as "Summertime" is concerned. Maybe to anyone else it might seem like something which is describing summertime well, but for me it was... on a different plane. I couldn't relate with the ideas being shared by the person, because I've only seen it in movies or read about it in books. Guess that makes me an anti-summertime sort. Sorry about that.
-- Whether the imagery is stunning or flat
It was decent. While the subtle flux in the metaphors were a transition that at times did drift into stream-of-consciousness and back to reality, it was not... overwhelming, nor did it seem that the writer is showing off for the sake if it. Its decent. leaves room for the reader to interpret at will, or even smile if they can relate this feeling of summertime shared.
-- What sensory details does this bring to mind? Does it actually make you think of summer?
Summertime Sadness by Lora Del Ray/ Lorna Del Ray . I hate the summers here in Pakistan - I guess its because I haven't had that good a summertime experience...

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enigmaticsmile [2013-07-16 02:58:23 +0000 UTC]

I had to read this, put it away for a day, and then come back to it. Not because it's bad, mind you. It is indeed a good poem.

I guess there's a tonal difference here compared to some of your other work. I felt as though I were watching this through a slightly hazy plexiglass window- I am here, I see everything, I can feel the sunlight, but something keeps me slightly wistful and distant.

This all may be in my head- as I said, it's a good poem. I'm just struck by something.different and I am not sure how to interpret it.

Forgive this rambling and take from it only what you wish.

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to enigmaticsmile [2013-07-18 14:22:13 +0000 UTC]

I think maybe it's because it's in second person? It's also a revamped older poem, so that might have something to do with the wistfulness your picking up. 


Thank you for commenting As always, your words mean a lot to me, rambly as they may be

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enigmaticsmile In reply to oracle-of-nonsense [2013-07-18 22:38:59 +0000 UTC]

The revamp could have a lot to do with it.  I was just struck by the difference.  That's for understanding what I was saying. 

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to enigmaticsmile [2013-07-19 14:05:09 +0000 UTC]

I will always at least try to understand, although it never seems too difficult

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Concora [2013-06-30 04:32:25 +0000 UTC]

This piece has been featured in The Treasure Trove: [link] .

Please support your fellow featured deviants, and keep up the amazing work!

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Sammur-amat [2013-06-19 18:14:50 +0000 UTC]

a little late but congratulations on the DLD, dear friend!

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to Sammur-amat [2013-06-20 03:36:29 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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Sammur-amat In reply to oracle-of-nonsense [2013-06-23 05:30:17 +0000 UTC]

sure thing! (:

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Bark [2013-06-10 14:41:49 +0000 UTC]

Congrats on the DLD!

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to Bark [2013-06-10 19:34:30 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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DailyLitDeviations [2013-06-10 03:32:34 +0000 UTC]

Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.

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archelyxs [2011-05-15 15:26:23 +0000 UTC]

I love the atmosphere you've created here- As for your questions, I feel a summer that is sticky and requires lemonade, I feel your images happening all around me. A beautiful work, very well-done.

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to archelyxs [2011-05-16 02:17:32 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad I could give you that atmosphere, it's really a nice season where I live, where we have such summers. Thank you very much.

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archelyxs In reply to oracle-of-nonsense [2011-05-17 22:57:26 +0000 UTC]

Oh thank you for sharing.

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TheAncients [2011-04-14 01:25:27 +0000 UTC]

I love this poem!! I think I like the last stanza most, but I also like the dashboard description in the the first.

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to TheAncients [2011-04-15 02:01:50 +0000 UTC]

-chuckles- I like it as well, thank you.

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holayutasan [2011-03-27 17:44:20 +0000 UTC]

This is a wonderful, wonderful poem. I like the line breaks and the metaphors, everything. It makes me wish it weren't so awful and cold here...

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to holayutasan [2011-03-28 00:51:29 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Oddly enough, the day after I wrote this, it became even more cold and rainy. Weird, right?

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holayutasan In reply to oracle-of-nonsense [2011-03-28 12:33:15 +0000 UTC]

that's usually how it works.

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alms4purgie [2011-03-25 16:03:05 +0000 UTC]

I get the imagery and I do think of summer. When I read poetry, I still read it in the sense of completing a thought. You had thoughts here and the line breaks did work most of the time. Things seemed a little confusing with the line breaks in the first paragraph because the image seemed a little disorganized. The other paragraphs were great. I got the images completely and I liked how you described the smiles of the "damn tourists" and "ignorant hicks." I'd say it's a good job overall. I wouldn't scrap the line breaking though.

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to alms4purgie [2011-03-26 15:55:07 +0000 UTC]

Oh good. I may fix the linebreaks in the beginning, I'm still not satisfied with them. The rest will most likely stay. Thank you for taking the time to comment

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little-supernova [2011-03-24 11:19:24 +0000 UTC]

Flows well, flows well.

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to little-supernova [2011-03-24 16:40:03 +0000 UTC]

Many thanks.

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whitefox00 [2011-03-24 04:54:04 +0000 UTC]

Driving on the highway with the windows down (all though I thought it was lounging on the lawn at first), a fair or something similar, like the ones at Southport, and a day at the beach. It seems to me like summer.
The line breaks, as I pointed out earlier, are too much for me. I'd like to be able to just appreciate the imagery, without trying to figure out how to read it. I think I'd prefer even a paragraph format (prose poems!), but we've disagreed with line breaks before, so... yeah.
Bottled iced tea really isn't that great. It makes a promise it totally can't live up to. The bottles look so awesome, and it looks like tea, and then you drink it and it just tastes funny. I liked the line, "Yankee murk."

As far as senses go, visual was the strongest (it usually is), followed by touch. The heat was easy to imagine (the part about the melted cookies was awesome), along with the hot car and asphalt. Taste was marginal... the cookies were mainly what I thought about. I can always imagine the smell of the beach, and the sound, but those two weren't really addressed as much.

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to whitefox00 [2011-03-24 16:43:21 +0000 UTC]

Check, check (I was thinking of the Azalea Festival specifically, but the ones in Southport featured as well), and check. Yay!
-chuckles- I don't think we'll ever agree one linebreaks. I may squish it all back together, if I can remember how I had it at first. But who knows. I sort of like this funny way of doing it.
It's sad. Even if it's like, lemon tea, it's still not as good or pleasing as the hand-made stuff.

That makes sense to me. The smells and sounds were left out, because the summer in my mind is mostly visual and touch, due to the brightness and stickiness of our summers.

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whitefox00 In reply to oracle-of-nonsense [2011-03-25 03:18:58 +0000 UTC]

Ah, forgot about the Azalea Fest.... But yeah, I doubt we'll see the day when we're in perfect agreement about that. It's pretty cool when it clicks, totally. But that doesn't happen a lot for me, when a poem isn't in a more traditional form.
Oh, lemon flavour can go wrong. Terribly wrong. >.> Have you ever tried Brisk? Oh god...

Yeah, I think heat and humidity are the main things I attribute with summer around here.

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oracle-of-nonsense In reply to whitefox00 [2011-03-26 15:57:04 +0000 UTC]

Well, it's takes all types.
I believe you. Any artificial fruit flavour can end very badly. Brisk bottles scare me. It's like their not only telling me I get tea, but also a side-serving of masculinity and steroids...

Yeah, ditto. And yellow sun. And sweat.

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