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orangetot ā€” Blind
Published: 2003-08-16 12:11:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 154; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 41
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Description I need to make a promise to myself today,
To stop the sun crowding my eyes,
Making me blink and stutter and forgive
The one who looks like beauty
And smells like disgust.

You always swore that my skin tasted sweet,
And not to worry,
That Iā€™d never lose myself.
But to be honest,
I never trusted a single word you said
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Comments: 11

diddioz [2003-09-23 03:00:19 +0000 UTC]

this is very blunt. great job i like it.

šŸ‘: 0 ā©: 1

orangetot In reply to diddioz [2003-09-23 07:51:26 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou

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badblokebob [2003-09-04 15:38:38 +0000 UTC]

This poem feels like they're should be more to it -- like, the idea needs to be developed more fully -- until you reach the ending, which is so blunt and clear that it does feel over. I also like the first stanza -- a beautiful way of presenting one of the many common ideas in poetry (trusting/believing someone you know you shouldn't).

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orangetot In reply to badblokebob [2003-09-04 15:41:22 +0000 UTC]

I lot of my poetry seems unfinished. My friend suggested its because the subject its written about lacks closure (for me). I dont know, maybe thats it, but its all feels so ncomplete...

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badblokebob In reply to orangetot [2003-09-04 15:43:44 +0000 UTC]

Maybe if you extended it a little, and wove something in about how what it's referring to is incomplete, then the incomplete feeling you get from the poem would have more effect? ... if you see what I mean

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orangetot In reply to badblokebob [2003-09-04 15:52:34 +0000 UTC]

I get your point. It's a very good point. One i will use i think....Give me time to get some talent, and i'll give it another bash

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polyhymnia [2003-08-30 15:14:56 +0000 UTC]

There seems to be such an internal conflict in this poem, which is resolved in a really punchy way right at the end - I just love that last line. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to devwatch you

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orangetot In reply to polyhymnia [2003-08-30 15:17:55 +0000 UTC]

Back at ya

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diddioz [2003-08-27 16:26:48 +0000 UTC]

the way this ends just blows me away. you're builing and building up to something, and when you say "But to be honest,
I never trusted a single word you said ".. it is so very casual and calm, yet very blunt. the narrator seems very emotional, and he ends very calmly, which i think, adds so much. this is simply great! wonderful, keep this up!

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orangetot In reply to diddioz [2003-08-28 10:33:10 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou, you're too kind

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skribbledot [2003-08-16 12:22:26 +0000 UTC]

I'll comment on what I think this poem means. To me this poem represents how I have acted, being a 'soft-touch', becoming literally blind to what someone might have done which really, should be unforgivable. For one reason or another, I forgive although I am not entirely sure why. However the next time round, I become more dubious and less oblivious and begin to realise that what people tell me can be a pile of bollocks.

I really love the first stanza 'The one that looks like beauty and smells like disgust' - such a clever oxymoron and feels totally right. Oh and the last lines! Such a stinger, blunt, gritty and stunning the way it pulls the rest of the poem together, even kind of a way out of a very dark tunnel. Love it.

šŸ‘: 0 ā©: 0