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orangetot — Bluebells
Published: 2003-08-26 21:24:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 160; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 23
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Description Tut tut, sweetness - As if I’d tell the world,
And turn those bluebells dust.
Yet I can see the worry on those trembling lips.
Will you turn to the Gods
As your body floats slowly by?

So pull out your clothes
And dust them back off
Because they’ll drag you down that hall again
It's not a new day they’re all searching for,
It’s a new night.

Just ignore all that screaming
And grieving
And tears
And jump off the edge of your world
Away from the darkness
And pain
And fighting
And jump into those dull scented arms

Just tell me the time and the place dear
And I’ll be there to kiss you goodbye
And tell you I’m so sorry for so many times
And say to you all I meant to say
Just tell me the time dear…
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Comments: 13

ChibiBubblegum [2003-12-02 19:41:09 +0000 UTC]

this makes me cry some
the piece drifts in slowly, like a haze over mind and eye
secrets and regrets and sadness
its so personal
and so delicate
"Tut tut, sweetness - As if I’d tell the world,
And turn those bluebells dust.
Yet I can see the worry on those trembling lips."
those lines, in particular, I can relate very much
it seems like you're just floating on the disconnected
and overwhelming emotions of the situation

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to ChibiBubblegum [2003-12-02 21:49:17 +0000 UTC]

This is a highly emotional piece for me, but no one else seemed to see that to the extend that i feel it. i'm glad you do. this was hard to write, despite the fact its writing took minutes, but its even harder to read back on.

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theinquisitions [2003-08-27 23:32:46 +0000 UTC]

I like this very much. It's sweet and sensual, and has a good rythrm and feeling words

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to theinquisitions [2003-08-28 10:30:14 +0000 UTC]

how very kind of you Thankyou

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bluecube [2003-08-26 22:30:33 +0000 UTC]

Your a good bloke Paul, Sara likes you and respects what you say. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to bluecube [2003-08-28 10:54:12 +0000 UTC]

aww, you guys...

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miraieigou [2003-08-26 22:26:57 +0000 UTC]

While the style of the last stanza is *slightly* different, I think the poem narrates very beautifully; I love the poem.

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burkina [2003-08-26 21:56:47 +0000 UTC]

nice poem, it has a very classical "feeling"

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bluecube [2003-08-26 21:48:41 +0000 UTC]

Me and ~skribbledot couldn't disagree more. The thing with this poem is that it tells a story, which is highlighted by the excellent continuation from stanza to stanza. It is not sporadic, that implies each verse is unrelated to each other which is untrue. We find it difficult to segregate the stanzas meaning one cannot be better than the other, as they are well designed as a whole and should be viewed thus.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ost2life In reply to bluecube [2003-08-26 21:54:26 +0000 UTC]

while I understand the method of the poem, and the emotions as such; I'm commenting from a technical standpoint. I thought as a story it wasn't as fluid as sara's other works have been.
it's because of this that I view the poem as sporadic and as such detracting from the overall piece and while I know sara wont change it (I know because I wouldn't either) I like to think that i give an honest opinion, especially to my friends which is what I would hope she expects of me

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ost2life [2003-08-26 21:42:38 +0000 UTC]

I dont know how to comment on this. it seems sporadic. the second and final stanzas to me seem damned good but they're "let down" by the other two which seem..er...good..but not as.
That last stanza doesn't belong in the poem, it's too good for it.
(dont hate me)

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bluecube [2003-08-26 21:38:44 +0000 UTC]

Sorry, submitted it early. This one is from me and ~skribbledot

A real sense of irony. A feel of time running out and an injustice in that.

We like the reference to the new nights - symbolic imagery of life after death, masterfully executed. Nice use of repetition within the second and ultimate stanzas which belates a sense of urgence and in this case mourning.

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bluecube [2003-08-26 21:34:34 +0000 UTC]

This one is from me and ~skribbledot

A real sense of irony. A feel of time running out and an injustice in that.

We like the reference to the new nights

👍: 0 ⏩: 0