HOME | DD
orangetot — Four
Published: 2003-11-11 22:16:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 120; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 12
Redirect to original
Description
Tired and weak to the worldWith four thin wires
Across my chest.
Mild and sorry to the world
With four red poppies
Tied in my hair.
Quiet and still for the world
With four restless wants
Under my skin
Pure and pleasing for the world
With four honey layers
Before my centre
Graceless now to the world
For who would ever want
Just a girl.
Related content
Comments: 18
thankyou, thats sweet - but all i did was trap my head in a scanner
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
well that was a sexy 'hair trappage in scanner'...lol...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I do enjoy this a lot. I always find it hard to stick with somewhat of a theme....but the whole four thing is quite lovely.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I know what you mean - usually my theme is that i'm as bitter as hell and i'm not a happy puppy about it. but this means something to me and is very structure to hold what i need it to. i hope the structure doesnt make it feel to clinical though
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't think it's clinical at all. I find it so hard to stick to a certain structure, but it looks like you're mastering it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Mmm, modified repetition... gotta love it 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i really like it and i am hoping that there is a very significant reason why you chose the number four. Very very good. it hit a spot inside of me and made me think. i felt so familiar with the words and like i have known you for a long time. all in all i like it and think its great work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thankyou so very much
my previous reply to another comment explains my reasoning for uses four - there are four acts influencing my life right now. but you can choose your own four.
Thanks for your time
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hmmm, it does sound kind of like a prayer, or at least some kind of religious ritual of some kind, almost.
What's the significance of 'four', by the way? I'm sure it has one, but I'd be interested to know what it was.
The structuring, as usual, is really great - but what I most love about your poems is the way they just... grab you. They do, you see - even if people might not understand the exact meanings of certain symbols, or grasp all of the metaphors, the power of your language is that it transcends all that and speaks directly to the heart.
I can always understand your poetry, even without having to know the deep meaning behind every line - I understand this one, I know I do... I just can't express exactly what I understand or how I know it.
Which sounds weird... um... yeah. Hopefully you get my drift 
To sum up: ace!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks, and yes, i get what you mean.
It was never intended to be religious. i see your point though. its just about me being just a girl. a resentful resignation to that point.
The significance of four are acts in my life, the ones i find important in this acceptance - the things that have made me. The point to that its relevant to me only, others will find there own four acts and be relevant to them only.
This is the only poem where i concentrated on the structure, simply to see if it would strengthen this feeling of 'arranged' sadness, the feeling that i am an agent of my own 'just-a-girl'ness. I wonder if it did?
It flatters me that this speaks to you, after all, i admire your own way with words greatly as you know
Thanks once more for the comment
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
it sounds like a prayer of somekind. I dont know if I should be honoured or sorry for inspiring it.
I'm sorry. I know you wanted a proper comment from me but words really do escape me.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i like this one a lot. i love how you end it, great job.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks. it feels a little unfinished to me...not one of my best, but it says what it needs to.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0