HOME | DD
orangetot — Pages
Published: 2004-03-09 22:47:20 +0000 UTC; Views: 126; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 27
Redirect to original
Description
The pages were all blank. All so white. So clear. And they began to blink. Began to blur.And she was in the car. Lights sliding over her face, over the chest, her hands, legs. Road signs blinked and blurred and came into focus. The roar of speed under them lessened. The white markers changed, changing course, behaviour.
‘And that’s what this is.’
She turned to him, confused and exhausted.
‘What?’ Laughed a little sob. ‘What?’
The road was empty except for them. Small car following the little white lines. Warm air blasted at her knee, the stale smell making her stomach knot.
‘What’s wrong love? You don’t understand? Of course you don’t, let me show you.’ He lifted a hand from the gears and brushed her lips with his finger. ‘You ready?’
She nodded.
He twisted the wheel hard.
She watched the railings explode in front of her.
Watched the windscreen webbed.
The white markings disappear completely.
She waited to understand.
And she was in the park. Leaves blinked and blurred and came into focus. A hand traced lightly over her face, over her chest, her hands, legs. The air smelt of winter. The wind slowed, changing course, behaviour.
‘And that’s what this is.’
Under his coat, he was so warm. So distracting…she had somewhere to be.
She moved her mouth to ask. His fingers where there already.
‘You ready?’
She nodded.
He suddenly felt warmer.
She didn’t have anywhere to be.
Didn’t notice the change in season.
Notice the change in him.
She waited to understand.
And she was in the sea. Stars blinked and blurred and came into focus. A draft of water slipped over her face, over her chest, her hands, legs. Her feet didn’t reach the bed, she wondered how far out they were. The waves crashed delicately around her neck, changing course, behaviour.
‘And that’s what this is.’
He grabbed her hair and pushed her under.
She didn’t struggle.
She felt the currents.
Felt the burn in her body.
The water push its way in.
She waited to understand.
Gasping, she sat with her pages sharply in focus, all so blank, so white, clear.
Related content
Comments: 7
[Hakfest] first, i have no idea what is going on
[Hakfest] also, the title has little relation to the text
[Hakfest] and the "her face, over her chest, her hands, legs." is a nice idea, but not executed well
[Hakfest] but it shows promise, just needs revision
[Hakfest] and the scene in the ocean, I think it would be more fitting if it was under the bridge of a canal or something
[Hakfest] then s/he could explain the surroundings and set a serene scene
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
First, you have no idea whats going on - understandable as i appear to be the queen of vague. The first two scenes are massively specific to me, but theres not so much detail that others cant relate. She is meant to be dreaming - she has no answers (the blank pages), so looks around and inside for them, an awakes to find the pages still blank.
The calm followed by the violence is meant to mirror the violence of relationships - not abusive, but the passion and hurt of it.
The title relates to the first and last line - pages that she is meant to be filling are left blank because she can understand herself, them or it.
"her face, over her chest, her hands, legs." - i tried to press the idea into one line, maybe it didnt hold the atmosphere i needed it to.
Seeing as i wrote this in about 10mins, i knew it would need changing, thanks for the pointers on that count.
I'm not sure about changing the last scene simply because it would alter the connotations of the water. i have the sea pegged as purity and innocence - highlighting the 'just a girl' theme. a canal is more closed and secretive.
Thankyou so much for taking the time to help me out with the - very my appreciated.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
the first two scenes are fairly self explainatory to me at least but as I said to you, the third is the one that got my attention. while the vivid imagery is a theme that runs through the whole piece it seems to take a paticular effect here.
It's the one that's not happened yet, and by the sounds of it one i hope doesn't happen, but it's setting in the middle of the ocean sounds so peaceful and even the act of him drowning you violent as it is and feels, echo's that feeling of peace.
the connotations of water being a means to achieve purity didn't escape me either, I dont know if that's what you intended but it seems like contestant number three in his own overblown way, is trying to wash away your past.
just my thoughts.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
The first two scenes are very specific, yes.
The third is something i'm not clear on myself, but yes, the connotations of innocence and purity made me pick the setting - as i always say, in the end, just a girl. I dont struggle against the ruining of that. but its only because i trust something will come of it.
Maybe a stupid trust.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
...i'm a lilttle confused..is the man in this abusive...thats how i took it...like she knows she shouldn't be there and that it was wrong but he just felt so right that she just loved him so much he couldn't let him go...until it finally killed her...
iliked it though it left me confused
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Abusive, but not in a physical way.
And i'm not even suggesting its intented hurt - just the way it happens.
^ost2life knows more about me that he should, and had the wisdom to tell me that i'm addicted to things that hurt me. its true, but not something i can help. That is what this is about.
It's not a particularly cohesive narrative, simply because i'm confused myself.
Thankyou for reading and commenting
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
oh cool...good to know i wasn't tooo...far off lol
its really good
i like the confusing nature of it...why? cause i think it adds deeper elements.
i understand what your saying completely.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0