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orangetot β Play of the Year
Published: 2003-08-18 18:14:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 127; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Description
Freedom of speech is making you dizzyAnd treacherous.
You seem to have a lust for misery,
Like a copper tang that stales at dawn
And blooms with the words
You whisper me at as you lay me down
To cry.
This is your second intermission,
The curtains are looking lazy,
And I begin to wonder
If the actor hasnβt drowned in themselves
And I wonβt have to play out my final act.
Your lust has lost heart.
Your want has collapsed onto itself,
And for all I tried to pretend,
All it took was one single satisfied sigh.
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Comments: 6
Like the sequential way you've written this and the kind of rough rhyming scheme in the first stanza. Last stanza was satisfying. yes.
(i just woke up. do excuse)
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excused
I'm glad you think it sounds vaugely rhythmic (sp?), i thought it sounded disjointed. Probably coz i know where the breaks go from writing if over a period of time. i must say this isnt one of my favourite pieces...
thanks for your comment, much appreciated
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I love your way with words - brilliant phrasing, and I particularly like the 'copper tang that stales at dawn'.
Again - lovely work, how come I hadn't discovered your writing before?!
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Your writing comments faster than i can read all of yours! trust me the comments are coming and i wish i'm known you're name before too!
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i always find it hard to work out what you are trying to say
but it sounds wicked by the look of :skribbledot: 's responce
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I'm liking this. Someone once said 'all the world's a stage, and everyone has their part' - could have been madonna. Fanstatic imagery here, v.cryptic as is typical of orangetot. Also typical is the fantastic metaphors and words of choice which make me 'lust' for more...
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