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Published: 2002-07-01 11:22:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 129; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 12
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Description
You know what you're doing.'I can hear a soft shattering. Somewhere..'
'..Background noise. I promise'
I can see it in the way you move.
'Shadow of a..'
'..Surely, not doubt, love'
Your voice drips with it.
'Did you just say..?'
'..I barely whispered'
I'm caught up in..
'Eyes. What big eyes you have..'
'All the better to break you with'
'My dear'
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Comments: 3
polyhymnia [2003-08-30 18:41:48 +0000 UTC]
I wasn't sure about the break in speech marks between the last two lines - I agree with having the last as a stand-alone line, but thought that the speaker should be the same. If it was intended to be the same then it just needs to be a bit clearer for my ickle brain to handle it!
I really enjoyed this one with the thoughts mixed with two different speeches, creating almost 3 different characters, and it has a really rather sinister feel to it - great stuff
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
orangetot In reply to polyhymnia [2003-09-01 20:27:08 +0000 UTC]
yeah, its meant to be the same person, but i couldnt figure out how to change the writing to let people know that glad you like it. I'm not very good at attending to two people in a poem, this is probably my best bash at it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
ost2life [2002-08-29 22:51:17 +0000 UTC]
loose that fox!
it's a gorgeous poem, such a intimate look into your relationship. It's kind of scary how closly that mirrors some of the relationships I've witnessed
👍: 0 ⏩: 0