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orangetot — Tasteless Closure
Published: 2003-08-04 20:42:05 +0000 UTC; Views: 248; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 27
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Description
Party’s over,Grab your bags,
Take your clothes from my floor
And leave me alone in my bed.
I’ll clean up one day,
By myself thankyou,
But the room will be flooded and swollen and hurt
So I’m sure I’ll miss broken glasses and empty cans.
For now I think I’ll lie down for a while
Think for a while
About how things were and have been
About how you are right
But I’m never wrong.
Maybe I’ll sleep for a while
Not care for a while
Remember how things felt
Imagine how they would feel.
I heard the door click shut,
Even though I tried hard not to.
I’ve been left behind,
Trapped in an open room.
You wondered away,
Over people and seas,
To lose your train of thought.
And now you’re back –
Same place with a different view.
Such a bland end to such a rich phase.
But none of this matters…
You never loved me anyway.
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Comments: 18
there's one thing worse than being unloved, that's being used and unloved, and if there's one thing worse than being used and unloved it's being used and unloved a lot.
who was he?
or don't you want to talk about it?
strange people with bad introduction names coming up to your heart and asking to see the grave yard, not likely you're going to open the door, but i do want to listen, if you'll tell me.
this is a primitive form of contact
sam@blackmist.com
if you're past him, good for you, if not talk to me, i figure we can help eachother
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I think this is a wonderful piece.
I love the imagery:
"But the room will be flooded and swollen and hurt
So I’m sure I’ll miss broken glasses and empty cans.".
The flow of thought and the repetition in the seconds stanza makes me think of that place between the dream world and the waking world where all of one's thoughts swirl around and they all come together in that one moment before sleep where you get a single moment of clarity because you're just too tired to care or think anymore.
"But none of this matters…
You never loved me anyway."
I think it's fantastic.
Well done.
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aww, thanks
This is one of my favourite pieces because its probably one of my most honest.
Thanks for the fav, it makes me smile
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the delicious language you use
to relate your feelings blows me away
you use the reflective place inside everyone's mind
to bring the audience into your world
and make them relate
to the frank honesty and unattainable denile
beautifully expressed
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You make me blush. I dont think my work is above the average, but i'm very flattered that you think it is. i'd love to think that i capture your passions and express them in what i say, let you see the way i feel when i write these pieces. Thankyou for taking the time to read and comment on my work
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I liked this a lot. I seemed so honest and truthful. You weren't kidding yourself into thinking something that it wasn't.
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No, but i did try really hard to warp the situation to my liking. probably still am. but at the end of the day, you can't lie to yourself. but yes, it's extremely honest, and thats why i like it.
Thanks
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Wow...this is emotional. It's good too...makes me think about my relationship...mebbe he never loved me at all...
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nice to know i get the feeling across, thats whats poetry is about after all, right? You're right, you should see to yourself first, but sometimes its hard.
Thanks for your time and comment
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Wow... such a brilliant flow of thought... the use of repetition and certain words add so much to this, and the poem as a whole just works so incredibly well.
Wonderful
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As it turned out, it wasnt closure but it was a good try, huh?
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At least you got a great poem out of it
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true. maybe there will be one titled 'True Closure' one day.
Maybe
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Fun. thats something no ones ever said before. Know you are the first
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That last line - it means so many different things to so many different people. I can't pretend to understand completely, but I do understand. For me, this poem is one that should not be analysed for it's grammatical structure, rhythm or anything related in that way. This is true and I felt a few heart strings being plucked as I am reminded of similar incidences. This reaction can only symbolise one thing - the mark of a truly emotive and great piece of work.
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oo a long one, yeah i agree with celestialpheonix, tis cool 
you have loads of ideas and scenarios in your poems its really creative
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And now you’re back –
Same place with a different view.
Such a bland end to such a rich phase.
These lines are really cool. I enjoyed this poem. I was a bit confused at the beginning, but the ending was very well done.
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