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orangetot — Third Person
Published: 2002-07-01 11:12:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 110; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 11
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Description I'm sorry,
These aren't my words,
Because if they were
They'd hurt a lot more.
If I was the one writing
I'm not sure i could breathe.
Watching these scenes
I think I'd be on my knees.
This is so certinately not me
So why are you still walking away?
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Comments: 4

polyhymnia [2003-08-30 18:44:23 +0000 UTC]

A couple of slight errors: In the second to last line, I think you meant 'certainly'? And I'm not sure about the 'so certainly not me' - it sounds a little too colloquial for the overall style of the piece.

I love what you've done here, though - and especially the effect that the last line has. Bravo!

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

orangetot In reply to polyhymnia [2003-09-01 20:25:16 +0000 UTC]

Proof! not Proff! SEEEEEE!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

orangetot In reply to polyhymnia [2003-09-01 20:24:59 +0000 UTC]

My stuff is _full_ of errors. It seems i have the inability to proff read things. Very annoying

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

i-apathy [2003-03-21 19:09:28 +0000 UTC]

The last few lines sound like things that go on in my mind at times, when people start saying shit about me that isn't true. Good job.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0