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orangetot — Today Class
Published: 2003-03-18 21:27:20 +0000 UTC; Views: 135; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 19
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Description We\'ve been here before,
But you still can\'t resist Door Number Three.
Todays biggest killer, boy,
Is your hot baited breath
Begging for that change.
You burnt up all your courage kid,
So just open up those eyes
To everything you left behind.
Step right up child,
This fight it a thousand deaths old,
But you still don\'t know who you\'re breathing your last for?
Well, they better speak up quick,
Because today is the day the sun drowns.
But as the moon is still smiling
And as we\'re not pretending
Why don\'t you just tell me?

Whats your favourite flavour?
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Comments: 6

orangetot [2003-10-16 12:01:42 +0000 UTC]

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

polyhymnia [2003-08-30 15:53:28 +0000 UTC]

Hey, definitely keep this one! I really like it - you've adopted a tone here that I haven't seen in your other work, and I think you've done it really well, and I love the last line as a stand-alone! Lovely stuff

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

orangetot In reply to polyhymnia [2003-10-15 21:05:39 +0000 UTC]

I just re-read this after ages and this isnt as bad as i thought (not blowing my own trumpet, i never said 'good'). huh, i'm glad i didnt throw it away now

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

polyhymnia In reply to orangetot [2003-10-16 06:59:42 +0000 UTC]

Nah nah nah nah nah!

TOLD YOU SO!

Sorry, I just love being able to say that...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

changwufe1 [2003-08-12 12:46:46 +0000 UTC]

like ive said, i find it really hard to comment on your stuff. for one i never comment on poems, cause i dont get them unless they're really simple(i didnt take lit for gcse and got an F in my english coursework) so as you can see im shit at english. right back to the commenting. its pretty cool, im guessing its about a bloke who cant decide who he wants, and the person who's telling the story is trying to force the bloke into making a desision or else they'll lose this person. hope i havent got this completely arse about tits :S cant this of anything else apart from its really deep (actaully ive just thought, it isnt deep, its just written in a way that portrays it as deep, fuck, if you think about it too long it just gets really confusing, just like if you went into the past and blah blah) this poem all in all is cool sorry for such a shit comment

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

riceandprozac [2003-03-18 21:33:41 +0000 UTC]

baited breath & rubber gloves.

i like it. it has this sort of air to it. not the oxygen air, but the attitude air. the only thing is the "door number 3". it just doesn't tie in.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0