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Description
Fear. You've only experienced this emotion twice in your life.

The first time was when your psychotic, face-painted and possibly schizophrenic best friend went on some fucking rampage to go kill all of the people you love so fucking dearly. It nearly scared you half to death when you possibly were on his hit list. The fact that you were still living after experiencing such a disaster was, as Gamzee would say, "a motherfuckin' miracle, bro". And now you were experiencing this same type of fear right now, only your emotions are enhanced and you can't even fucking express it because ohmyfuckinggog you can't even fucking breathe.

And why is that?
You're drowning.

You didn't even realize that you were until you couldn't rise back to the surface; it was as if gravity was your fucking enemy and it was fighting with you and you were losing so fucking bad that the end result could only be one thing and you weren't ready to face this. You know deep down inside that you aren't ready to face death, you were going to keep fighting until the end. There was no way you were going without one. You know what felt worse then realizing how you can't swim? The fact that you had all the fucking time in the world to learn. You could've asked Feferi all that time before she was killed; hell, you could've asked that cunt Eridan. But you didn't. Maybe it was because you weren't going to admit to anyone that you couldn't swim. Maybe pride is what mattered more.

Pride's killing you. Slowly and sharply, it's eating you alive, and you can't do a fucking thing about it.

You try screaming, making some kind of noise so that someone can hear you, anyone in the fucking world! Hell, you wouldn't even mind if it was someone you hated so passionately. As long as you didn't have to leave the world like this, you didn't give a shit. The salty substance is filling your lungs, filling so fast that you're gasping against it and you can't scream; you can't make any type of noise because you have no air and no air means you can't breathe and if you can't breathe you can't scream and if you don't scream no one is going to hear you. You're trapped in the most stickiness of situations. How the fuck will you get out of this?

The truth is: you won't. You even know this, but you won't just give up.
Your arms and legs are kicking and grabbing and doing whatever it takes to fight against the current, the enemy that is dragging you down. Your eyes sting, and you really want to curse but you can't and it fucking sucks, and what are you suppose to do to survive? Can you even?

What makes this even worse then it can even be is the fact that before this even fucking happened, you had been in the worse of situations, probably worse then this but only you didn't have a chance of dying then. You reminisce about that for a moment, thinking back to how you had stormed out of the lab, going on and on about gog knows what - you don't even remember now - and you could see the hurt looks on your friends's faces. You know that that shouldn't matter at the moment and really you shouldn't be even fucking thinking right now but you can't help it because... because that's the last way they're going to remember you: how much you were such a jerk to them.

You never even showed them how much you appreciated your team - your friends - the people you created. If you made it out alive, like that's going to fucking happen, you would show them. You wouldn't just show them with words, you would do it with actions andandand other things! What you're going to do, you don't know, but you'll think of something; they deserve to know how much you appreciated their help through this and that.

Suddenly, you feel something else.
What... what is that? You feel it pulling you down more, almost sucking you into some darkness.

You move your head down to see what it is, and there's water swirling around your feet and your heart is thumping inside your chest and your eyes are wide with shock and you have no fucking idea what you're going to do. Can you do anything? Anything at all? If you could gasp, you would, but there's so much water inside of your body right now you can't even do that! Your body is trembling as your arms and legs continue to flail frantically and the (swirling) whirlpool is dragging you closer, closer, closer to it and you continue to fight but you can feel yourself giving out because it's too much! You can't do this! But you can't give up! It's a pride thing, and you know it is but you can't! You need to get out, out out!

You're being pulled and if you could cry right now, you would be. Maybe you are - you can't tell because there's water all around your fucking body and every emotion in the world is swelling up inside of you, because you know you are getting closer to the end. Soon, you can feel yourself going limp, as if you've turned into a fucking doll and everything around you feels so dark and cold and you want to do something about it but even your eyes aren't blinking, and maybe you're finally feeling what it's like to die. Is this how it feels? Could anyone really know what it's like to die? Maybe. Maybe there is a way, but this is the first time you've ever felt it. Dying is definitely different then the fucking fear you've ever felt. The current is finally bring you down and you know that you will forever be lost down here, where no one's going to find you.

Isn't there suppose to be that 'white light'? You remember John telling you a long time ago about it; he said that on his planet, when you died, you would go to one of two places. If you were a good person, or, good troll in his case, you would go to this place called "Heaven" and there was this guy with a beard who was waiting there to welcome you and you would see these gorgeous people he called "Angels"; they would be the ones to bring you to Heaven. If you were a bad troll, you would go to this other place he called "Hell". He described how down in the ground, because that's where it was apparently, there would be fire everywhere and by the time you hit the deep bottom of Hell, you would burn because the intensity of that heat would melt your skin off and that this guy named "Satan" would be there, laughing some manical laugh at you.

Maybe that's what the bottom of this ocean is, a different side of Hell.
Maybe this is where you're going. You'll never know.

Your heart slows down finally, your nerves calming and your life slowly being pulled out of your body. You can feel it leaving you as you finally hit rock bottom. This is what it really feels like, and to be honest, it wasn't anything how you expected it to be. This is so different, so.. you have no words for it. You don't need words.

You are Karkat Vantas and you're finally at peace, even if you didn't ask for this.

Description
Fear. You've only experienced this emotion twice in your life.

The first time was when your psychotic, face-painted and possibly schizophrenic best friend went on some fucking rampage to go kill all of the people you love so fucking dearly. It nearly scared you half to death when you possibly were on his hit list. The fact that you were still living after experiencing such a disaster was, as Gamzee would say, "a motherfuckin' miracle, bro". And now you were experiencing this same type of fear right now, only your emotions are enhanced and you can't even fucking express it because ohmyfuckinggog you can't even fucking breathe.

And why is that?
You're drowning.

You didn't even realize that you were until you couldn't rise back to the surface; it was as if gravity was your fucking enemy and it was fighting with you and you were losing so fucking bad that the end result could only be one thing and you weren't ready to face this. You know deep down inside that you aren't ready to face death, you were going to keep fighting until the end. There was no way you were going without one. You know what felt worse then realizing how you can't swim? The fact that you had all the fucking time in the world to learn. You could've asked Feferi all that time before she was killed; hell, you could've asked that cunt Eridan. But you didn't. Maybe it was because you weren't going to admit to anyone that you couldn't swim. Maybe pride is what mattered more.

Pride's killing you. Slowly and sharply, it's eating you alive, and you can't do a fucking thing about it.

You try screaming, making some kind of noise so that someone can hear you, anyone in the fucking world! Hell, you wouldn't even mind if it was someone you hated so passionately. As long as you didn't have to leave the world like this, you didn't give a shit. The salty substance is filling your lungs, filling so fast that you're gasping against it and you can't scream; you can't make any type of noise because you have no air and no air means you can't breathe and if you can't breathe you can't scream and if you don't scream no one is going to hear you. You're trapped in the most stickiness of situations. How the fuck will you get out of this?

The truth is: you won't. You even know this, but you won't just give up.
Your arms and legs are kicking and grabbing and doing whatever it takes to fight against the current, the enemy that is dragging you down. Your eyes sting, and you really want to curse but you can't and it fucking sucks, and what are you suppose to do to survive? Can you even?

What makes this even worse then it can even be is the fact that before this even fucking happened, you had been in the worse of situations, probably worse then this but only you didn't have a chance of dying then. You reminisce about that for a moment, thinking back to how you had stormed out of the lab, going on and on about gog knows what - you don't even remember now - and you could see the hurt looks on your friends's faces. You know that that shouldn't matter at the moment and really you shouldn't be even fucking thinking right now but you can't help it because... because that's the last way they're going to remember you: how much you were such a jerk to them.

You never even showed them how much you appreciated your team - your friends - the people you created. If you made it out alive, like that's going to fucking happen, you would show them. You wouldn't just show them with words, you would do it with actions andandand other things! What you're going to do, you don't know, but you'll think of something; they deserve to know how much you appreciated their help through this and that.

Suddenly, you feel something else.
What... what is that? You feel it pulling you down more, almost sucking you into some darkness.

You move your head down to see what it is, and there's water swirling around your feet and your heart is thumping inside your chest and your eyes are wide with shock and you have no fucking idea what you're going to do. Can you do anything? Anything at all? If you could gasp, you would, but there's so much water inside of your body right now you can't even do that! Your body is trembling as your arms and legs continue to flail frantically and the (swirling) whirlpool is dragging you closer, closer, closer to it and you continue to fight but you can feel yourself giving out because it's too much! You can't do this! But you can't give up! It's a pride thing, and you know it is but you can't! You need to get out, out out!

You're being pulled and if you could cry right now, you would be. Maybe you are - you can't tell because there's water all around your fucking body and every emotion in the world is swelling up inside of you, because you know you are getting closer to the end. Soon, you can feel yourself going limp, as if you've turned into a fucking doll and everything around you feels so dark and cold and you want to do something about it but even your eyes aren't blinking, and maybe you're finally feeling what it's like to die. Is this how it feels? Could anyone really know what it's like to die? Maybe. Maybe there is a way, but this is the first time you've ever felt it. Dying is definitely different then the fucking fear you've ever felt. The current is finally bring you down and you know that you will forever be lost down here, where no one's going to find you.

Isn't there suppose to be that 'white light'? You remember John telling you a long time ago about it; he said that on his planet, when you died, you would go to one of two places. If you were a good person, or, good troll in his case, you would go to this place called "Heaven" and there was this guy with a beard who was waiting there to welcome you and you would see these gorgeous people he called "Angels"; they would be the ones to bring you to Heaven. If you were a bad troll, you would go to this other place he called "Hell". He described how down in the ground, because that's where it was apparently, there would be fire everywhere and by the time you hit the deep bottom of Hell, you would burn because the intensity of that heat would melt your skin off and that this guy named "Satan" would be there, laughing some manical laugh at you.

Maybe that's what the bottom of this ocean is, a different side of Hell.
Maybe this is where you're going. You'll never know.

Your heart slows down finally, your nerves calming and your life slowly being pulled out of your body. You can feel it leaving you as you finally hit rock bottom. This is what it really feels like, and to be honest, it wasn't anything how you expected it to be. This is so different, so.. you have no words for it. You don't need words.

You are Karkat Vantas and you're finally at peace, even if you didn't ask for this.