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You see, when I realized addictions run in the family
My sister went on another shopping spree
Then my mother said I was ugly and my father went back to bribing me
Then I caught him inhaling cancer
And that was the only answer I got to "Why can't you stop coughing?"

I never understood her aversion to alcohol until I heard about her father
Am I the only one that's bothered by the fact
That she's sleeping on the couch because she doesn't want to sleep near mine?

But it's fine because time flies when I'm downstairs, locked in the bathroom, putting pressure on my wrists, punching walls and mirrors with clenched fists just tight enough for nails to meet skin

Addictions aren't limited to drugs and alcohol kids
Ha kids…
I'm a kid fending off dragons with razor blades, and nightmares with sleeping aids,
Covering cuts with band-aids all while trying to get good grades

It took me ten minutes to write a goodbye to everyone I owed
Not my best friends, my true friends, some of which didn't even answer the phone
So here I am all alone not even having the comfort of an empty bottle and a stomach full of pills
Hey kids, we die alone
Maybe if I look in the mirror I'll finally turn myself to stone

I said goodbye to the girl I kissed, I told everyone that they'll be missed
Which is silly because I'm the one that's leaving but maybe it'll help believing
That the girl who's as cold a glacier spent all night melting to tears

Over the years I've come to realize that everyone has a disguise they wear before Halloween
And through all the wear, tear, they poke, prod, with needles and thread
Sewing layers upon layers until one day they're dead
They wake up dead to the world and no matter how much they thrash
No matter how much they slash at their heart and their head it's hollow
Dead

Do you really think I wanted to get out of bed when I woke up to my grandma saying, "you should really be more careful" in the most gentle of tones
I felt needles gouging at the marrow of my bone when I remembered that night I spent alone

No one finds scars attractive, it's the story that'll draw you in
But what boy wants to find out their girl belongs in a loony bin…
That the ivory lines that litter her skin were first made by a safety pin
Then by scissors and blades, shards of mirrors and rusted chains
That bound her hand to a bottle of gin
While her crimson blood was a charade of the original sin

I relapsed again after a binge,
You know, nails down a throat are enough to make a man cringe
My karma was coughing up the color of rose petals and exhaling a metal tang
Then reality rang in my head and I realized I'll end up dead without trying
And I could easily argue while you debate
That when it finally will be able to, the shower rod won't have to support my weight

I'm sick and tired of sorry being as empty as the meaning,
The meaning being as meaningless as the thought that counts
But I'm still sorry that you think I only care about myself when the fact of the matter is all I manage to do is scare myself

The reason I love to sleep away half the day is because the longer I don't wake up, the longer I won't fuck up
So you don't have to swear for me to be aware that everyone's grateful for the moments that I'm not there
And I find myself pondering, more often than not, wondering why my every thought
Revolves around living to breath versus breathing to live
Not breathing to leave and leaving air for the grievers
For all the believers of the fallacy that my digging my grave be a tragedy

You see, in the clouds in my head one could theoretically go out to plan their future aesthetically
Complete with a coffin and crypt plus a journal to depict how little one should mourn themselves
One could go to the pawnshop and trade their mental stability for second hand hope
Buy a readymade noose, tree, and fill in the blanks suicide note
There'd be garage sales with a variety of well-written books on "How to look pretty so that people like you"
And "God or no God we're already in hell"

Look
I'm almost done with my crude, narcissistic rambling but I'm at a loss as to how to get my final point across
So let's just put it this way

Help:
When I don't need it I don't ask, when I do I'm given the task to deal with it
So I write until it doesn't seem real because that could never happen to me
Because that is something you see on tv or read in the paper
But it's not until later that I'll be the example that will meet the grim reaper
Everyone thought I was such a deep sleeper until they checked for a pulse