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ParalyticProcess — Cumbersome
#cumbersome #freeverse #poetry #stars #sun #paralyticprocess
Published: 2015-04-06 00:56:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 434; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 0
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Description
The sun, wearyslips, like broken potential
past the horizon
and the moon, burdened
hovers, with milky white flesh
above troubled waters, the sun’s grave.
The stars, wholly inadequate
weep
because they never before had the pleasure of having
such great company.
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Comments: 15
The ending to this really works and does give a reader something to think about. The inadequcies of the stars in comparison to the sun and moon is an iteresting take. Of course, one would ask what those same stars would ask from a different galaxy? Would they view the sun as inadequate? Great Job!
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Very interesting question!
It would have created a different tone in the poem if the stars felt the sun was inadequate or the moon; maybe one I will explore in a subsequent piece.
Thanks for the feedback! You gave me something to think about.
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Thank you so much for your kind words.
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I love the whole image of the sun slipping down behind the horizon like broken potential! Great contexture!
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Thank you! The images come to me in the strangest places, such as when I'm doing my makeup. Haha.
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Hahah! Makeup as inspiration! How very nice! Ode to make up! How inspiring thou art!
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I'm glad you enjoy it; this weekend has been absolutely exhausting with activities and I haven't had the time I'd like to sit and devote to these past few poems.
But Monday I should be good.
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Hope you get better!
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I will, just need some sleep.
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