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Description
Michael Coulombe
www.myacceptance.org
[link]
[link]

Michael came out when he was in high school. He grew up with the people around him telling him what gay was. Because of that he had a warped perception of what it meant to be gay. The first image is what he thought it meant if you were gay. The second images is what being gay means to him now.

“I really thought that being gay just in itself would be hard. God hates you, according to some. Society fears you – because you don’t fit into their expectations. You get called names like “Faggot! Queer! Freak!” Your family can’t even look at you because they’re ashamed...or annoyed...or both. It’s the one taboo subject; that white elephant in the room, which never gets discussed. That’s a lot of pressure; yet, it’s so much more than that. It is the idea that you always have to look over your shoulder; that there is this unconscious, unspoken fear to be on the defensive; it’s about learning who you can trust - and it’s about the true disappointment when you discover that the ones you’re supposed to rely on abandon their responsibilities.
The funny thing was, I didn’t understand being gay myself so it was really difficult to help others understand it as well. As it was, I didn’t have any answers for anyone, not even myself. It took me several years to even know what to call it. Growing up, hitting puberty, understanding the changes in my body. I just knew I was different than anyone else. The other boys I hung out with were looking at girls….but I was looking at the other boys.
I wanted to feel accepted…feel alive!
I spent every day hating myself, finding ways to escape who I was. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror because there was this “other” person staring back at me. I considered suicide every day because I thought it would be easier to do that than admit who I was. I couldn’t turn my back on all of that anymore. I had to come out. I wanted respect from other people more than anything. I didn’t think that was asking too much. Besides, it’s not like I threw it in anyone’s face. So why did I have to edit my life for those who were...who still are uncomfortable with it? I was really one person with two identities: me, the person and me, the gay man. What I wanted were people to be able to distinguish the difference between the two and see that I was just like everyone else. I didn’t ask for this. Although the way people acted you would’ve thought my being gay was a personal attack against them. That doesn’t even make sense - but it’s true. It’s like this: I love men! - That’s the simple truth - the way they look, the way they smell...even the way they feel. I wish I knew the words to describe these feelings. I have such ansias; such nervous tension, almost like the anxiety a young child feels the night before Christmas: the rush of excitement and innocent pleasure in the anticipation of the first ray of sun that signals the new day.
You know the feeling you get in your stomach when you drop suddenly? That happens when I see a masculine face with beautiful brown eyes look at me, or when their hand reaches for my cheek to caress it; or my heart stops right before they step in for the first kiss; or how my palms sweat profusely and I switch from one foot to the other when I am brave enough to ask an attractive man out on a date. How can I capture the essence of both the sorrow and joy of that love I feel to someone who only sees me with an abhorrent disgust in their heart? Hatred caused from their own deceitful fear - which have this self-obligated obsession to reprimand me with their own morals...when they themselves suffer just as I do. You can’t. It’s hypocrisy. Yet as a gay man I was relegated to an object that needed to be destroyed.
And I understand that less than I understand being gay.”
-Michael Coulombe

Description
Michael Coulombe
www.myacceptance.org
[link]
[link]

Michael came out when he was in high school. He grew up with the people around him telling him what gay was. Because of that he had a warped perception of what it meant to be gay. The first image is what he thought it meant if you were gay. The second images is what being gay means to him now.

“I really thought that being gay just in itself would be hard. God hates you, according to some. Society fears you – because you don’t fit into their expectations. You get called names like “Faggot! Queer! Freak!” Your family can’t even look at you because they’re ashamed...or annoyed...or both. It’s the one taboo subject; that white elephant in the room, which never gets discussed. That’s a lot of pressure; yet, it’s so much more than that. It is the idea that you always have to look over your shoulder; that there is this unconscious, unspoken fear to be on the defensive; it’s about learning who you can trust - and it’s about the true disappointment when you discover that the ones you’re supposed to rely on abandon their responsibilities.
The funny thing was, I didn’t understand being gay myself so it was really difficult to help others understand it as well. As it was, I didn’t have any answers for anyone, not even myself. It took me several years to even know what to call it. Growing up, hitting puberty, understanding the changes in my body. I just knew I was different than anyone else. The other boys I hung out with were looking at girls….but I was looking at the other boys.
I wanted to feel accepted…feel alive!
I spent every day hating myself, finding ways to escape who I was. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror because there was this “other” person staring back at me. I considered suicide every day because I thought it would be easier to do that than admit who I was. I couldn’t turn my back on all of that anymore. I had to come out. I wanted respect from other people more than anything. I didn’t think that was asking too much. Besides, it’s not like I threw it in anyone’s face. So why did I have to edit my life for those who were...who still are uncomfortable with it? I was really one person with two identities: me, the person and me, the gay man. What I wanted were people to be able to distinguish the difference between the two and see that I was just like everyone else. I didn’t ask for this. Although the way people acted you would’ve thought my being gay was a personal attack against them. That doesn’t even make sense - but it’s true. It’s like this: I love men! - That’s the simple truth - the way they look, the way they smell...even the way they feel. I wish I knew the words to describe these feelings. I have such ansias; such nervous tension, almost like the anxiety a young child feels the night before Christmas: the rush of excitement and innocent pleasure in the anticipation of the first ray of sun that signals the new day.
You know the feeling you get in your stomach when you drop suddenly? That happens when I see a masculine face with beautiful brown eyes look at me, or when their hand reaches for my cheek to caress it; or my heart stops right before they step in for the first kiss; or how my palms sweat profusely and I switch from one foot to the other when I am brave enough to ask an attractive man out on a date. How can I capture the essence of both the sorrow and joy of that love I feel to someone who only sees me with an abhorrent disgust in their heart? Hatred caused from their own deceitful fear - which have this self-obligated obsession to reprimand me with their own morals...when they themselves suffer just as I do. You can’t. It’s hypocrisy. Yet as a gay man I was relegated to an object that needed to be destroyed.
And I understand that less than I understand being gay.”
-Michael Coulombe