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patterninverted — glitz and its glamour
Published: 2008-01-01 22:02:20 +0000 UTC; Views: 88; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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i knew you’d like it, he breathed, through muted lips.when drinking tea, you like the bitter flavours best.
and i brought the porcelain mug back to my lips,
felt microwave heat crawl in through my fingertips.
he sipped his a nightmare sleep slow,
basking in resolutions from the television glow.
the announcer begins his problematic counting.
ten.
cream-coloured pistachio shells, split and idle in a bowl
with three hairline cracks.
nine.
second-long chances to change who i’ve been in the past
three hundred and sixty-five days.
eight.
window panes, perfect squares, across the not-so-perfectly
painted wall.
seven.
years since this night’s glitz and it’s glamour have been
exterminated for me.
six.
rather unfortunate looking television couples, excitedly
waiting for the ball to drop.
five.
stitches in the edge of this blanket, just crooked enough
to give away the fact your younger sister made it.
four.
satin pillows on the couch. olive green, dusted lightly with orange
tabby cat hair.
three.
people that have chosen absence from this house at an hour
that they shouldn’t be driving.
two.
dogs that lay at your feet. a chinese-crested hairless
and a blind weimaraner.
one.
way to say i’m sorry for spilling red tea on your couch.
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Comments: 6
You did a great job with the imagery. I really loved "microwave heat." The lines about the walls and the blankets make the reader feel as if they were really there.
The rhyme scheme, I found rather confusing. The second two stanzas rhyme, and when the counting begins you have an intresting rhyme between "cracks" and "past," but the rest in rhyme free.
I also didn't quite get the line "he sipped his a nightmare sleep slow." I just don't understand what image this is suposed to convey.
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Another poem filled with exquisite, unusual description and imagery. I like the rhyming couplets at the beginning, I can't put my finger on why. "with a three hairline cracks" I don't think needs the "a", and "unfourtunate" should be "unfortunate" I believe. I love "second-long chances to change who i’ve been in the past/ three hundred and sixty-five days," it's such an interesting way of looking at things. I'm glad you're writing some poetry again! (I may just be imagining that you haven't written any in a while, in which case, ignore what I just said.)
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I giggled. Nope, you're right though. I haven't written much in the past few months. I've just been so busy. Hopefully the new year will bring some free time. I did, however, miss your lovely little critiques.
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