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Paw07 — Twilight isn't a Parody?

Published: 2009-02-13 22:33:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 27693; Favourites: 395; Downloads: 92
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Description Let me see … I think that the comic speaks for me with sufficient sarcasm, but for the few that wonder how I could possibly hate something they consider “the greatest book evar!” I shall indulge you with an explanation.

Now, I must admit that I am an English major and currently taking Secondary Education in order to earn my teaching degree. Now, from the very back of the book I could tell that the plot was weak and cliché, but I put it down and thought nothing more of the novel a few months back; there are many a shelves covered in bad books.

Yet, before I could even turn my head to see what was sneaking up on me, I was suddenly attacked by this ‘thing’ – for lack of a better word – called Twilight.

Now, don’t point at me and say, ‘But you didn’t read it’. Yes, yes, I did. I was actually so disgusted by the thesaurus rape, multitude of easily corrected grammar errors, Mary-Sue gag fest, and poor character development that I couldn’t get through little more than half the book. Yet, I do promise you I have researched the story line thoroughly and the – if barely there be one – plot.

Anyway, to the point, I do not like Twilight because I fear for my future students. You may say, “But at least they are reading something.” Well, yes, they are but that is all. There has been more than one occasion where I have tried to convince younger readers to read something else; they simple reply, “Nah, I’ll just reread Twilight.” You see my worry, no? These young readers think that this type of writing is acceptable. They will think that Mary-Sues are good; that thesaurus rape is okay; that lack of plot is the norm; and that bad writing is good literature. Good literature is a story that reveals something to a reader, not rants on for 280-some pages about her love for Edward. MEYER REVEALED NOTHING, except her inaccurate daydreams of relationships and classic lore.

Furthermore, I wanted to make this comic into a stamp, but I don’t know how to make flash stamps so this will have to do for now. Enjoy and for those of you interested, here are few of my anti-twilight heroes:


Excellent parody and thesaurus rape record: [link]

A site with all the top news anti-twilight: [link]

A hilarious bum reviews new moon: [link]

My anti-twilight collection on DA: [link]

Another hero in my books ... Twilight Ninja! [link]

For your viewing pleasure and movie mocking: [link] and [link]
Related content
Comments: 432

mrs-drwho In reply to ??? [2010-09-26 01:46:09 +0000 UTC]

it might disgust u, it even disgusts me, but i used to love twilight. then, later, after reading some real books, i realized tht it was really bad. i agree w/ u.

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catholicchick In reply to ??? [2010-09-19 20:36:41 +0000 UTC]

I dunno, my personal feelings for the book aside (I thought it was ok, but it was a little young for me) I am of the opinion that it's an ok book. I'm at school for Elementary and Special education and I see the merit in reading any book. It increases fluency and word recognition, helps vocabulary, endurance and it could spark an interest in other books. I don't think the writing is so atrocious that it would hurt a child's writing skills. I know my sister wasn't a very strong reader, she's in middle school, read the books, she didn't read the whole series, but she's not into series, and it lead her to read more substantial books. I think the hate for this book is ridiculously disproportionate to what the book actually merits. Sure, the writing may be sub par, but it's better then Captain Underpants, and it has more plot then romance novels marketed towards adults.
My biggest worry isn't the poor writing, but the message. It's a bit demeaning towards women, and since it's marketed towards young girls this is a fair problem. I know from my own personal experience as a member of the Harry Potter generation that I did everything in my power to be as much like Harry or Hermione as I possibly could. This lead to me doing better in school and watching my mail box for my Hogwarts letter (I was an optimistic child ). I feel as though children emulating Bella might lead to overly possessive relationships and putting childish crushes and relationships before school work.

All in all I think it's a decent book to hook children on reading, it's less ambitious then trying to get a kid to read Harry Potter and better then Captain Underpants, but it should be accompanied by discussion on the differences between fiction and reality and parents should remain ever attentive to their children's social lives.

[sorry for the long comment, I had a lot to say ]

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TatsukiChan1994 [2010-07-20 19:36:48 +0000 UTC]

lol. this made my day, thankyou for drawing this! *gives stading ovation* I really like your artist comment, too.

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TimeAgentAvril In reply to TatsukiChan1994 [2010-08-20 18:03:27 +0000 UTC]

*joins in standing ovation*

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Paw07 In reply to TatsukiChan1994 [2010-07-23 04:19:22 +0000 UTC]

Thanks, glad you got a kick out of it.

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angelikus666 [2010-07-10 12:48:30 +0000 UTC]

Funny concept. Haha! What's even funnier is that I've read the book like I was reading a fanfiction--only skimming and scanning and reading the conversation parts. And that's my first for a book.

If I were your student, I would reread Anne Rice's "The Vampire Lestat" for you

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Paw07 In reply to angelikus666 [2010-07-23 04:20:40 +0000 UTC]

Better write me a book report as well.

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angelikus666 In reply to Paw07 [2010-07-23 12:20:19 +0000 UTC]

waaaaa!!! I just started re-reading again, ma'am!

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Feral-Instinct [2010-05-26 04:20:53 +0000 UTC]

My TA offered that Edward models a Byronic character, but what character is there to analyze?

I wish I had a Laurel K. Hamilton or Ann Rice novel to smack every Twitard.

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Paw07 In reply to Feral-Instinct [2010-06-04 00:08:45 +0000 UTC]

You should have asked if she meant to compare his supposed Byronic character to that of a real one.

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VoOdoO13Isnt45EwiL [2010-05-01 12:27:23 +0000 UTC]

Now, I read that parody;
Excellent parody and thesaurus rape record: [link]

There was this specific part, which I found... Very hilarious.
(And there it is.)

"Edward removed his shoes and rolled up the cuffs of his jeans, and I gasped at the sight of his white, smooth ankles. Sunlight reflected off his toenails, each an ivory glint of perfection. I’d never seen Edward’s feet before. I hadn’t realized he could be more beautiful than he was, but there seemed no end to his beauty."

That just made my day.

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Paw07 In reply to VoOdoO13Isnt45EwiL [2010-05-03 04:07:03 +0000 UTC]

:laughs: Yah, I loved that paragraph. Part of me was wondering if she was supposed to have a foot fetish. XD

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VoOdoO13Isnt45EwiL In reply to Paw07 [2010-05-03 19:17:49 +0000 UTC]

Exactly xD
That would be total creepy.
(I hate when I use the word 'total',sounds so... Bitchy)

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Thornnose In reply to ??? [2010-05-01 04:53:24 +0000 UTC]

...

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Paw07 In reply to Thornnose [2010-05-01 12:09:47 +0000 UTC]

...?

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Thornnose In reply to Paw07 [2010-05-03 02:52:15 +0000 UTC]

LOL

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Redtor In reply to ??? [2010-04-27 14:03:23 +0000 UTC]

you know, here in chile, it's the same problem: my sister readed the books, forced me to read them and ,as a finishing move, I WAS FORCED TO WATCH THE "movie" WITH HER. after that i forced her to read "Dracula" and... and... she asked "why he can't stand the sunlight? but they sparks in light, right?" facepalmplz

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Paw07 In reply to Redtor [2010-05-01 12:11:20 +0000 UTC]

Oh. Poor Dracula. So misunderstood.

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Redtor In reply to Paw07 [2010-05-02 03:13:17 +0000 UTC]

yeah, at least she's reading some frightening books (im studying in another city now so i can't "watch" over her)... but someday i will reveal her one of my most precious possessions. (is that word right wrighted?)

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Redtor In reply to Redtor [2010-04-27 14:04:33 +0000 UTC]

sorry if my english is bad

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deldara In reply to ??? [2010-04-20 21:53:56 +0000 UTC]

I know where you’re coming from with this fear for you’re future students. I have meat to many people who will just reread and reread twilight over and over again till there to the point of never having it out of there sight. I have read the first book of twilight and I must say that I was so disgusted by the lack of plot, grammar and actual meaning that I couldn't pick up the second book. It drives me insane when people talk about how good the book was. I point the thesaurus rape out to them and they just say that I’m jealous that I can't write like her. I simply hate twilight and think that if meyer wants to write any more she should learn proper grammar. On another note VAMPIRES DO NOT SPARKLE!!!!!!! Oh and sorry if I have bad grammar I’m still in the learning posses.

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Paw07 In reply to deldara [2010-05-03 04:10:20 +0000 UTC]

Don't worry about some bad grammar, ducky. My was atrocious and still has nasty moments from time to time. The important thing is that you are seeking self improvement. Don't worry, you'll get there.

Thanks for the comment.

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deldara In reply to Paw07 [2010-05-03 23:38:35 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome and thanks. Hopefully the twilight frenzy dies down soon, otherwise we might be in trouble.

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Macgyver644200 [2010-02-26 01:24:32 +0000 UTC]

Mmm, very odd reaction to that particular revelation. Usually people think "Wait, this isn't parody? Oh well, it is now."

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Paw07 In reply to Macgyver644200 [2010-02-26 01:48:47 +0000 UTC]

Sure is.

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RicoCullen In reply to ??? [2010-02-24 12:42:11 +0000 UTC]

okay...I am a fan... but i have one question for you.

If You hate it so much why can't you just forget about it and leave it alone? pretend it doesn't exist. Ignore it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to dis you or flame you. Just wondering?

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Paw07 In reply to RicoCullen [2010-02-24 14:52:04 +0000 UTC]

Believe me that's what I did at first, but when it starts showing up all over campus, everywhere on the internet like a viral plague, and even your professors are referencing it ... I got a problem. Its hard to ignore it when its everywhere.

Like I said before, there are plenty of bad novels out there, but when everyone is acting like its better than Harry Potter... well, its just sad. There are some really great books out there that deserve that attention or at least some of that attention from young readers but, instead, are left and forgotten to merely gather dust.

You see my reasons, yes?

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Mogomojo224 In reply to ??? [2010-02-21 06:44:41 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for typing/posting this!
Twilight is just a waste of space/thought/time/eye sight.
I couldn't get past the first few pages before I got too nauseated from the pure grotesqueness of this book.
I adore you for this!

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Paw07 In reply to Mogomojo224 [2010-02-24 00:35:44 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. Glad you liked it.

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Mogomojo224 In reply to Paw07 [2010-02-24 00:43:16 +0000 UTC]

Very welcome :3

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DeiXIV In reply to ??? [2010-02-01 06:58:48 +0000 UTC]

Woot woot! i love you, person!

the only thing i love more than anti-twilighters are SMART anit-twilighters. hahaah!! >_<

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Paw07 In reply to DeiXIV [2010-02-01 07:20:15 +0000 UTC]

Why ... thank you.

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DeiXIV In reply to Paw07 [2010-02-02 04:06:10 +0000 UTC]

heheeh, you're welcome. sorry if i embarrased u. haha

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totally-not-crazylol In reply to ??? [2010-01-30 07:17:48 +0000 UTC]

TEAM TERRY PRATCHETT!!!

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Paw07 In reply to totally-not-crazylol [2010-01-30 16:35:36 +0000 UTC]

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totally-not-crazylol In reply to Paw07 [2010-01-31 08:50:48 +0000 UTC]

bestfantasywriterever.

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FishBoneMania In reply to ??? [2010-01-28 14:18:28 +0000 UTC]

I agree very much. I never read the book (Thank god) but i saw the movie. All it is just crappy romance and stalker-cullen watch her sleep, then suddenly, running from another vampire? Where the lleh did that come from?! Failed attempt at action. Now my mom wants to read the book. SHE WON'T LISTEN TO ME. Sheee'll regreht it...

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Paw07 In reply to FishBoneMania [2010-01-30 02:07:32 +0000 UTC]

Burn it. Burn it before she's mind raped.

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FishBoneMania In reply to Paw07 [2010-01-31 14:56:31 +0000 UTC]

I SHALL DOOOO!

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Paw07 In reply to FishBoneMania [2010-01-31 15:00:33 +0000 UTC]

Be brave young soldier.

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B-A-Doyle [2010-01-25 19:23:54 +0000 UTC]

I.
Love.
You.
Marry.
Me.
I'm seme.
XD

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Paw07 In reply to B-A-Doyle [2010-01-25 19:33:59 +0000 UTC]

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B-A-Doyle In reply to Paw07 [2010-01-25 19:35:29 +0000 UTC]

heh

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mudbloodjew In reply to ??? [2010-01-23 19:21:49 +0000 UTC]

I couldnt read more than half of that book either. It's rull of mind rape, thesaurus rape, grammar rape and a whole bunch of other kinds of rape that are so foul that I dare not mention them here for fear of mind raping myself.

It's boring and cliche and it made me physically sick. No, I am not kidding. I got to the half way point and I threw up. True story.

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Paw07 In reply to mudbloodjew [2010-01-25 01:51:17 +0000 UTC]

Yes, mind rape does sound rather unpleasant.

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mudbloodjew In reply to Paw07 [2010-03-23 22:48:11 +0000 UTC]

It is

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Miss-Jack [2010-01-23 07:17:05 +0000 UTC]

That's how I felt when I heard she based the book on a dream of hers..

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Paw07 In reply to Miss-Jack [2010-01-25 02:01:47 +0000 UTC]

That's strange. I don't know about her dreams but mine contain smut. Why isn't there more smut in it? At least that way the books would be more interesting. :snickers at my dirty mind:

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Miss-Jack In reply to Paw07 [2010-01-25 03:46:00 +0000 UTC]

Well you have to take into account that she's a mormon... that IS her smut... A skirt that comes more than two inches above the knee is smut. Have you noticed the way they all dress?

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Paw07 In reply to Miss-Jack [2010-01-25 19:35:56 +0000 UTC]

Yes, I know she's Mormon, but she's also human. The mind is a frickle thing.

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