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PCAwesomeness — Spiders

#shark #snake #spider #philosoraptor
Published: 2016-05-15 21:26:04 +0000 UTC; Views: 1645; Favourites: 12; Downloads: 0
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Description (This is a pretty long wall of text, so forgive me.)

So, one time, I was talking with a friend about possible paleontological discoveries for this year; among them were a small, nectarivorous pterosaur, more European tyrannosaurids, and a giant spider from the Pennsylvanian (Late Carboniferous). While that friend liked the former two suggestions, he passed off the very latter as "awesomebro"...

I mean, I would be less angry if he said "spiders evolved so late in the Carboniferous that they had no time to grow big", as the new arachnid, Idmonarachne, seems to show so (even then, arachnid families like the arthrolycosids or arthromygalids have a chance of having a big genus). However, saying a spider with a legspan of TWO FREAKING FEET is "awesomebro" drives me nuts.

Ever since I've saw the whole story of Walking with Monsters (AKA Walking with Dumbclucks) and its Megarachne apateona, I saw that as a great insult (since I FREAKING LOVE spiders), and have been trying to hear of the existence of an actual Carboniferous aranean in order to make up for that.

Besides, what burns me up even more is that there are giant Cenozoic sharks and snakes which are often overhyped as gods, yet they as a whole aren't seen as awesomebro. Examples are:

Otodus megalodon: Ah, the 16.6 meter long Miocene shark that is always featured in B-class pieces of media as a Godzilla-sized monstrosity capable of destroying everything in sight (even airplanes) and reviving itself through the melting of a measly little iceberg. In real life, it STILL would have been pretty scary (similarly to the Tyrannosaurus of the Cretaceous), but it wouldn't have had all those crazy superpowers. Oh, and it would be wiped off the face of the earth.

(I did hate that thing for a while due to the fact that it got outcompeted by a great white shark during the baleen whale decline, but a talk with had me realizing that the smaller shark was just the final nail in the coffin and not a partial executioner.)

Titanoboa: YOU FREAKING FREAKS! When will you realize that this giant boa had fish make up 95% of its diet!? Stop making it strangle giant crocodiles!

The fact that the myth of the crocodile-eating predator still persists makes this giant snake the 2nd most overrated Paleogene creature in the paleo-fanbase (the first being a specific German Ducky McDuckson).

Paleophis: Ah, Paleophis, you're in the same boat as Hatzegopteryx and Phorusrhacos: you're very cool and interesting, but some sensationalist screw-wit is exaggerating your abilities...

With that being said, it's not like once this arachnid is found, people will start raving about how it's a horrid monstrosity capable of vanquishing powerful creatures such as Meganeura, Arthropleura, and Eryops with insane jumping capabilities and rock-hard fangs. That is, unless you're an awesomebro yourself...

Rant over.

P.S: Yes, I know the "Megarachne is a spider" tidbit was accurate at one point, and that BBC wasn't entirely at fault for having one in.

P.P.S: And before you go on to say that it truly is horrible, I did mention that it would have a legspan 2 feet/60 centimeters, which is nowhere near those whacked-out pseudo-spiders from Minecraft or the The Elder Scrolls franchise.

(Also, this is my last sidebar for now. This summer, the march of the Mesozoic creatures shall commence!)
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Comments: 9

lizzieboo50 [2016-06-03 01:45:34 +0000 UTC]

hey, dat's pretty good

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PCAwesomeness In reply to lizzieboo50 [2016-06-03 01:57:45 +0000 UTC]

Thank you!

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Wyatt-Andrews-Art [2016-05-16 22:57:39 +0000 UTC]

wait are you saying that megalodon isn't overhyped?

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PCAwesomeness In reply to Wyatt-Andrews-Art [2016-05-16 23:36:42 +0000 UTC]

What!? No.

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TheDubstepAddict [2016-05-16 22:30:02 +0000 UTC]

Nice

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PCAwesomeness In reply to TheDubstepAddict [2016-05-16 22:30:50 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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TheDubstepAddict In reply to PCAwesomeness [2016-05-16 22:33:24 +0000 UTC]

^^

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ElSqiubbonator [2016-05-15 22:47:12 +0000 UTC]

Titanoboa would not have eaten only fish; no large aquatic vertebrate does. It probably would have primarily eaten fish, but supplemented its diet with anything else it could swallow--which in its case would mean mammals and reptiles up to six feet long. 

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PCAwesomeness In reply to ElSqiubbonator [2016-05-15 22:55:21 +0000 UTC]

I honestly thought that it only ate fish, but now that I look back, I think I exaggerated its piscivory.

Gonna edit this.

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