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Published: 2008-08-28 03:02:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 877; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 2
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Description
I sensed the heartbeat pounding before I smelled the scent on the wind, but both lured me into the alleyway. The corner of my mouth curled into a smile. A mortal, but not just a human. The man represented sustenance to me and I hungered for a kill.I licked my lips, feeling my teeth ache at the thought of it. Blood, running through his veins. Images surfaced in my mind of cutting through skin, releasing the liquid contained beneath his flesh. Warmth trickling down my throat, coursing through my body. The taste danced on the tip of my tongue and compelled my feet to dash for my target.
Running first, then stalking, so as not to scare. I saw him around the corner and my fangs became pronounced. He had no chance to act, I pounced on him and cupped my hand over his mouth just as my teeth pierced his neck. Sucking, swallowing, groaning from the sensation, I had my fill before he could so much as issue a scream, then I grinned at myself while disposing of the body.
Wiping his remnant from my mouth, I gazed upward. The night called to me and his blood sated my needs for now. So, I strolled away, whistling a tune to the moon; the melody of death. The song of the vampire. The man was a notch on my belt and a chapter written in the life of an immortal.
But if he had to die, at least he died for my sake.
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Comments: 16
johohanna [2008-11-13 03:24:18 +0000 UTC]
That was wonderful! And wonderful all over again when I found it had no adjectives or adverbs! Great talent ye have
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ArjetLuna [2008-09-05 00:25:44 +0000 UTC]
Oh my god, that was fantastic. Okay... I submit to DarcKnyt. I'll try the damn thing... *grumbles*
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MrsDarcKnyt [2008-09-02 20:29:30 +0000 UTC]
Bravo! See what an excellent writer you are?! You ooze talent, and it's a joy to see you hone the blade of skill.
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ikkuma [2008-08-29 03:54:14 +0000 UTC]
fine! you win.
mine sucked compared to yours. mine sucked compared to all of them xD.
not that there are any winners or losers... but you win by a longshot. it didnt even register to me that there were no adverbs or adjecives! honestly, though, peter, you suck and you rock at the same time. you suck for being better and you rock for being better.
*folds arms and wallows in my own crappiness xD*
i was good, i liked it. can you tell?
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peterdawes In reply to ikkuma [2008-08-30 00:24:39 +0000 UTC]
i am not certain if i should thank you or apologize, dear kellsie-reanne.
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ikkuma In reply to peterdawes [2008-08-30 02:45:31 +0000 UTC]
hahah...no apologies required, hon. i was just making sure you see that you won xD
sorry for the confusion
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Zer0Hawke [2008-08-28 20:51:25 +0000 UTC]
I hadn't even noticed the lack of adkectives or adverbs until you mentioned it ^_^ very good! I think, the imapct of not using those types of words is that it's feel more hard-hitting and realistic - we wouldn't use such flowery language as we do in writing, in real life.
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inkd902 [2008-08-28 18:23:30 +0000 UTC]
That, with no dialogue, was really good. You may even turn out to be the next Ray Bradbury; writing pages upon pages of description that captures the human mind and sends messages into neurons whizzing into indulgence with your words. Very descriptive. Looks good. There are two things that a writer needs for his retreat into his mind, and that is self-confidence and depth. Keep it up. But there's just one thing. You may want to write the taste of the blood; you know, rolling, swimming down his throat like thick butter. Overall, however, excellent.
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Kira73 [2008-08-28 14:24:42 +0000 UTC]
Coldness conveyed in such a beautiful way. I will be avoiding alleys for a while.
In awe and quite jealous of your skills. And good for you for going over the word limit.
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DarcKnyt [2008-08-28 13:03:51 +0000 UTC]
Peter, this is nothing short of brilliant! Fantastic job! And one that I know was not an easy aside for you. I'm proud of ya, bud!
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Almost-Certain [2008-08-28 07:43:49 +0000 UTC]
i can't really say anything intelligent about it, im still in awe
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LeonieSainteVire [2008-08-28 04:19:34 +0000 UTC]
The last line is worth the sum...which was magnificent. As always, you shame us all, mon ami.
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Always-Wanting-More [2008-08-28 04:17:09 +0000 UTC]
this is extremely good for having no adjectives or adverbs!
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SinLuver [2008-08-28 03:40:18 +0000 UTC]
This was amazing. I think I just
finished reading it for the fifth time.
Can't get enough of it.
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Kathryn-777 [2008-08-28 03:39:22 +0000 UTC]
...that was the purpose of this very short story? No adjectives and adverbs? Not bad at all!
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