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peterdawes — Lament of a Tired Mind
by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-04-17 00:54:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 244; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 2
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Description
inconsiderate wordsincomprehensibly formed
forged within the will of
the artist; the poet
only to be fashioned into
nothing short of
nothingness
artistic struggles
of artistry
sentences blurred together
like the lights of cars
racing across busy city streets
becoming busily fuzzy and
compacted
the writer attempts
tragic brilliance
while achieving only
tragedy
the artist attempts
to be profound
only to be banal
instead
forging pitiful
forgeries
creativity gone awry
the pen laid upon
the ink blotter;
the weary mind
laid to rest.
tomorrow is
another day.
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Comments: 24
After about half way through the piece, I realized the first sections were specially set apart but it was hard to tell and I was contently trying to read the stanzas as one complete flow. Perhaps something to help break it up other than just...a new line, which doesn't always separate it accordingly and similarly in all the stanzas and can make them a bit confusing to read first through.
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Yes, I spent some time averse to punctuation, which helps distinguish the lines a bit better. I have been reforming my ways as of late.
I shall review this work again and attempt to bring some order to it. Although I could be pretentious and claim the disorder only adds to the sentiment of the piece.
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You play around with it, if you decide to leave it as is afterwards, your choice XD
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I was being facetious. Thank you for bringing the problems with this piece to my attention.
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My apologies. My humor can be a bit dry at times.
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No worries! I tend to be cautious when giving out critique anyways...
Stepping on toes in the wrong way can be catastrophic
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Quite so. I am approachable, however, and open to suggestions. No need fear any backlash from me.
Just a bit of a snarky humor from time to time.
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I can live with that ^.^
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I envy you, you're brilliant even when you don't try to be.
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I can relate..Its been to hard to write anything lately..Not sure if it's stress or if I am just blocked..
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I have been run a bit ragged. The poetic muse is not very lively when the poet is exhausted.
Thank you for the favorite, dear Sabrina.
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i too relate... *falls into heap* how's echo anyway, peter?
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Echo is doing splendidly. I really must thank you again for gifting me with him. I've needed a companion these days and he has been a faithful one. You have given me quite a cathartic present.
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you're quite welcome. i'm glad to see him in good hands.
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I am humbled you consider mine to be good hands.
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Something in the ink, perhaps? I too am just emerging from the whirlpool of creativity unchanneled and chaotic.
See? It's catching!
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Oh dear. Do be sure to inoculate yourself before it melts your brain as it has mine.
My mind has had trouble waxing poetic. Fatigue is partially responsible for that.
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I can relate as well...
Outside distractions pull at creativity. The "want to" is there...if only one can summon the ability to "do".
Well said...as always.
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Thank you, my dear.
Afraid fatigue gets the better of me at times. Have been a bit melancholy which has only made the fatigue more pointed. If only the will to write were not tethered to our energy levels.
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