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That giggle was what sold me.

At first, I didn't even notice the giggle, it was so subtle.  But whenever my brother was happy or excited, he'd giggle adorably, grinning immediately afterwards.  It was the most girlish thing I'd ever heard from a boy, but it's what REALLY told me that he was something special.

That giggle was what brought me back to our conversation.

"Thanks, Amant." Amour said gratefully, giggling again.  "You've made me feel a lot better!"
"No prob, little brother." I said playfully, softly punching his shoulder.  Then I yawned.  "I think I'm gunna hit the sack." I glanced behind me at the clock on the stove.  "You probably should too."

He sighed and nodded, hopping down from the kitchen stool and slinking upstairs.  My eyes narrowed as I followed him with my gaze, hopping down from my own stool.  I cleaned up from our snack of cheese and crackers, washing off the cutting board we used to cut the block of swiss and washing and putting away our plates.

By the time I was done, I was sure Amour had gone to bed by then.  I padded up the steps and quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face, pulling my hair back in a ponytail.  I was happy I could do this with it now.

When I walked into my room, though, I froze.  Amour was curled up like kitten with my covers hiding his cherubic face.  Then I saw his chest rise and fall rapidly and I grinned.  I knew how to tell if someone was pretending to sleep or not.  That was a dead give away.

Without acknowledging his presence in the room, I pulled my pants off and threw them into my closet.  I heard the ruffling of covers, though I couldn't see anything as my back was turned to the bed.  I quickly pulled on a pair of pyjama pants and removed my shirt.  When I turned around, my eight year old brother was on his hands and knees, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes wide.  When I smirked at him, he blushed and plopped into a sitting position.

"Amour... when I said you should go to sleep, I assumed you knew that I meant in your OWN bed." I said teasingly, walking around to one side of the queen sized bed.  He shrugged, folding his legs into a pretzel shape as I slipped under the covers.  I casually patted the spot beside me.  He scampered to sit down, the blush remaining.  "I was... lonely." he whispered, glancing away.  I saw him shiver and lifted up the covers to allow him under them with me.  He shyly slipped under and jumped slightly as I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, his fisted hand resting on my stomach.

He was pouting.  "What's up?" I asked, rubbing his arm in a brotherly way.  He huffed.  "Why're you so muscly?" he asked, looking up at my with a bit of a playful glare.  "I'm not muscly at all!  How do I get to be as strong as you?"
I blinked in surprise before bursting out in quiet laughter.  "Just eat right and exercise!" I said with a grin, punching his shoulder softly.

"So, I hear it's going to rain for the rest of the week." I said casually, relaxing next to him.  He nodded, rolling his shoulders in a way that suggested he really didn't care nor know what to say about it.

He scooted closer, resting his head on my bare chest.  We didn't say anything more.  We just... sat there!  Enjoying each other's company.  Suddenly, I got the urge to do something that I was sure was going to get me into trouble... but it was impulse.  I had to.  I glanced down at my brother, shakily lifting my hand to place my fingers under his jaw, sliding them down to his jaw to his chin, lifting his head up in the most gentle of ways, biting my lower lip before leaning in to press my lips against his.

He didn't do anything.  I didn't expect him to.  When I pulled away, he lifted his fingers to press against his lips.  "Brother?" he whispered, glancing up at me.  I winced.  "Y-yes?" I murmured.  He took a deep breath.  "I-isn't that what mummies and daddies are supposed to do with each other?" he placed a small hand on my shoulder, pulling my gaze back at him.  "N-no, Amour.  That's what... p-people who l-love each other a-are supposed to d-do with each other." I answered, biting my lower lip.  "It doesn't matter who th-they are.  D-do you love me, Amour?" I gave him an expectant look.  He nodded.  "You're my older brother!  Of course I love you!" he smiled sweetly at me and my heart fluttered, but I knew that he meant something different than what I meant.

"Well, th-then it shouldn't m-matter, right?" I smiled back at him, running my fingers through his hair.  His eyes closed for a moment when I did this, before he nodded.  "Are you gonna do it again?" he whispered.  I paused, giving his a look of surprise.  "Do you want me to?" I asked.  He nodded slowly.

So I leaned in ever so slowly and our lips touched gently.  He sat there, letting me kiss him for however long I wanted.  Finally, I pulled away, only to let that look of surprise wash over my face again as a groan of disappointment left his mouth.  "Do... you like it?" I asked, blushing at the awkwardness of the question.  He nodded.  "You taste good." his eyes opened, giggling softly.  "And it feels nice."

I thought that if I was feeling at all hesitant about this situation, I sure as hell wasn't now!  I leaned back down, this time, taking it a step further, cupping the back of his small head and softly leading him through the proper way to kiss someone, prying open his lips, my thumb stroking his neck in the sweetest of ways.
Before I knew it, He'd picked up on it beautifully and we'd found a rhythm.  It was still a sweet, awkward, gentle kiss, but it was more than I'd ever had hoped for.

When we finally pulled away, I felt my hands wander further down than they should, earning a soft, breathy gasp from the younger who was now practically under me.  I felt my fingers dig underneath the waistband of his pyjama pants before I forced myself to stop.  "Amour..." I whispered, opening my eyes.  His relaxed face had no tension on it, only loving, happy emotion.  I blinked.  "Amour... I think we should stop..." I breathed.  I saw his face drop into disappointment.  "But..." his eyes flicked open.  "Do we have to?  I... I liked what you were doing..." his cheeks coloured as he glanced over at the covers.  "It... felt good."

I blinked, staring at the boy who I loved more than a brother should.  I don't think I could say that I could stop now.  He's basically just given me permission to do whatever the fuck I wanted to do to him.  So I used it.

I leaned down, capturing his lips again.  "Thank you, Amour." I said in the softest of voices onto his cheek when I pulled away.  "You mean so much to me."
I saw him smile sweetly before I started to tug at his pyjama pants again.  He gasped softly, but then his expression relaxed again.  He was okay.  I could keep going.

So I did.

---

Seven years and we didn't say a word about that night, even though it was hands down the BEST night I'd ever had in my entire life.  I could still feel my younger brother's heavy breath against my throat and his thin legs wrapping around my own.  It was... beautiful.

I wasn't even able to snatch another kiss from him.  Not one.  He acted as if nothing happened and when I tried to approach him about it the night afterwards, he denied anything had even happened.  When I tried to kiss him, he flinched away, pretending to be awkwardly amused and slightly grossed out by it.

That hurt me.  That hurt me more than a bullet, more than insults, more than a punch... it stung my very soul.

I was not as ecstatic as you would expect when my parents said that Amour had to spend the weekend at my apartment when they went out of town for a romantic cruise or something like that.  You see, I was out of college and out of the house, as I was already twenty three years old.

Amour was fifteen.  I hadn't seen him since I moved out four years ago.  Apparently he had... grown up quite a bit.

When my mother knocked on the door at around five, I jumped nearly a mile.  I quickly scampered from my couch and wrenched open my door.  If I wasn't trying with all my might to keep a hold of myself, I'd probably have fainted.

Amour. was. gorgeous.

He was a good five foot six or so, not too tall for his age.  His hair was pitch black, obviously dyed, and was cut into the most feminine style I'd ever seen on a boy.  He had diagonal bangs that hung over one eye and the front of his hair was very long and reached almost to his shoulders.  The back of his hair was much shorter, though, which caused for some wonderful contrast.  He had black, thick-framed glasses and his lip was pierced on either side, as well as a small stud right above his upper lip.

He did NOT look happy whatsoever.

"Oh, hello, Amant!" my mother gushed, collapsing into me with a hug.  "I haven't seen you in forever!  How've you been doing?" I smiled weakly at her.  "I've been well.  Thanks, mum." I said with a small chuckle.

She patted my biceps, grinning, before placing her hand on Amour's back and leading him into the apartment.  He gave her a pained look before folding his arms and standing right inside the door.  My mother gave me an apologetic look.  "I'll see you two after the weekend.  Love you both!" she held out her hands for Amour to hug her goodbye.  He did so, planting a kiss on her cheek.  I hugged her next, refraining from giving her a kiss.  She waved and walked down the hallways.

Amour stared longingly out the door before I pulled him in and closed the door.  He glared at me mercilessly, folding his arms.  "Well, aren't you going to show me my bedroom?" he asked with something that I could easily mistake for hate if I knew that he still loved me, at least in a brotherly way... deep... deep... REALLY deep down there.

"Yeah..." I murmured, slinking off down my short hallway, opening the door to my guest room and gesturing around.  He hiked the backpack on his back up a bit before slipping silently into the room and slamming it shut.  I sighed when I heard the lock click.  "Please don't be difficult, Amour." I said rather loudly to get past the door.  I heard an audible snort from the other side of the door.  "I'm going to be hell, fag." I heard him yell.

My eyes shot open wider than probably healthy.  Okay, first off, he was probably the most feminine boy I'd seen, tell me HE wasn't a fag!  And second... this was my BROTHER here!  What had gotten into him?!

I pursed my lips, storming off.  Fine.  If he WANTED to be difficult, then I wasn't going to stop him, but I wasn't going to make it easy for him, either.

The next morning, I hadn't see Amour since he locked himself into the guest room.  Not even when I told him that dinner was ready.  I did see him the morning after, though.  He was in his pyjamas, sitting on my couch with the remote in his hand and his eyes trained on the screen.

"Good morning." I yawned, looking at him hopefully.  He raised a hand in silent greeting and continued to flick through the channels, obviously not satisfied with the hundreds of channels I had.  "Did you sleep well?" he shook his head.  "Oh... was something wrong?" he shrugged.  "Are you going to actually talk to me?" a sigh.

"Look, Amant.  I didn't want to be here.  I BEGGED mother to let me stay home or at a friend's house.  I was thinking last night... I'm sorry I called you a fag..." he paused, glancing over his shoulder.  "But you are.  And I'm sorry I said I was going to be hell... but I am.  I've changed since..." he let his eyes flutter shut a moment.  "That night." his eyes opened again and I noticed they were glassy.  "I was young and I didn't know what was going on, all I knew was that it felt good and I trusted you."

I could see the faintest blush on his cheeks.  "Let's refrain from talking to each other this weekend and we won't get in any fights, okay?" and with that, he turned back to the T.V.  I saw him lay one leg over his lap in a rather uncomfortable looking position.  My eyes narrowed.  "Fine.  I'm not going to give up, though.  Amour, despite past events, you're still my brother and it angers me that we've grown apart on such awkward circumstances.  I intend on becoming your friend again."

He just shrugged.

The rest of the day, we did nothing but watch T.V.  Well, Amour did.  I worked.  I organised things and cleaned the entire apartment, just to avoid having to interact with my brother.  Finally, though, I gave up on trying to clean out my entire computer and stood up, making my way to the living-room.  Amour was laying on the couch, his eyes drooped and his lips pursed.

"Hey." I greeted softly, going to sit on the recliner.  "Hey." he responded.  I saw his jaw clench as he swiftly changed the channel.  I sighed.  "Amour... can we talk, please?" I asked, running my fingers through my long, dark brown hair.  He froze, his eyes narrowed.  "I guess..." he ground out.

"So, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry." I said, keeping my eyes trained on his averted face.  "I regret every minute of that night." something flashed over his face a second before it reverted back to it's look of annoyance.  "I was... young.  And... I was sixteen." glanced at my lap where my hands were restlessly picking at the fingernails.  "You should understand that... it was really hard for me to stop.  You're fifteen, you surely know it's a little hard to hold back, by now!"

His eyes fluttered shut again as he took in a deep breath, moving into a sitting position.

"Please... forgive me.  This grudge you have against me is ridiculous."

"Grudge?!  Against YOU?!" his face showed every sign of being angered.  "Do you think this is about a GRUDGE?!" he rolled his eyes, snorting.  "No.  This is pure HATE.  It's not a grudge.  It's HATE for you for taking away my virginity!  You practically RAPED me!  I was too young to realise it at first but then I did!  What you did was WRONG, Amant.  WRONG.  Not ONLY was it pedophilia, but it was also rape AND incest!  My GOD, did you not realise this?"

I stared at Amour in shock.  This had... basically come out of no where!

"Did you even CONSIDER how much I'd be scarred afterwards?!  That wasn't normal."

My eyes narrowed.  "Oh, so now you're normal?" I hissed, glaring at him terribly.  "So now you're pure.  Now you're straight.  Last I heard from mum, you had a boyfriend!  You played keyboard and wrote songs about sex!  Are you SERIOUSLY accusing me of being impure from things I did YEARS ago when just a month ago, you were fucking your boyfriend on the kitchen table while our parents were out for the night?!"

His eyes were wide and his expression was full of shock and fear.

"The least you could have FUCKING done, Amour, was told me that you didn't love me!  That was the LEAST!  I thought you were in denial!  I tried to sway you back to my side but NO!  You just kept on with your adorable fucking giggle and shaking your head and saying 'Oh, no, Amant... not now.'!"

Amour stood up suddenly.  "HEY!" he cried, I saw his eyes get glassy and tears gather at his waterline.  "So now you're into STALKING, aren't you?  Asking mum about my SEX LIFE?!  What the fuck, Amant!  Are you--"

"What in the HELL are you talking about?" I asked in a hush, shaking my head with my eyes trained on him.  "You're making up shit!  It's NORMAL for someone to ask how his brother is doing!  It's NORMAL for a mother to spill EVERY. LAST. FUCKING. PAINFUL. DETAIL out to said someone!"

"YEAH?!  Well--"

"NO!  You just shut the FUCK up and listen, Amour!" I jumped up from my seat, slowly making my way over to him.  "You meant more to me then the sun and the moon!  More than oxygen!  I thought, if I couldn't have you, then I couldn't live!  I fucking LOVED you, Amour!  I still DO!  I love you more then any BOY TOY you pick off the streets!  More than any useless person who has ever muttered the words 'I love you' to you at night.  More than you could ever FUCKING deserve!  You are the MOST horrible person I have EVER met, but I still. fucking. love you."

And with that, I stormed off, down the halls and into my study where I slammed the door shut and locked it, barring it with chairs, such a childish move.

We didn't see each other again till nine o' clock, Sunday evening.

There was a sharp knock at the door to my study.  I flinched, my head jerking towards the entrance.  "Fuck you very much." I yelled at the door.
There was a pause.  "A-Amant... I want to talk to you..." the strangled voice called through the wood.  It sounded worn and scratchy and simply pathetic.  My eyes widened.

I slowly made my way to the door with the gait of an animal approaching something new and frightening.

When I removed the chairs and unlocked the door, it took a moment before I cracked the door open just an inch.  When I peered out, I was surprised at the sight.
Amour looked like he'd been beating himself up for the past hours.  His eyes had dark circles underneath them and were red and puffy, his face tear-streaked.  His pyjama pants were simply resting loosely on his hips, but he didn't bother pulling them up.

"L-let me in." he ordered weakly with a bit of a stutter.  I blinked and nodded, opening the door for him.  He slipped in, looking shy.

"Amant..." he whispered, glancing at the floor.  "I've been thinking..." he let his eyes flutter closed.  "A-about all that you said and... i-it makes sense.  I was stupid." he closed his eyes as if he was trying to stand a major pain.  "I'm really... s-sorry.  Now that I think about it... y-you were the b-best thing in my entire life.  I-I regret acting like a jerk." he pursed his lips, taking a deep breath, looking up at me with a small smile.  "Would you like to go lay down for a while?"

I gave him a look of confusion.  Was this pity?  Or was it real?  Did he REALLY just suggest I go screw him?  If not extremely subtly.

"Look, Amour, I love you more than life itself... but I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want to do."

"You're not forcing me!" he exclaimed hurriedly.  "I'm OFFERING!  Please... I--" he cut off the rest of his sentence, causing my curiosity to perk.  "Sorry, what?" I asked with a light smirk, folding my arms.  He was blushing softly.  He had his eyes averted and lips pursed.  "I said that I'm offering." he mumbled.  "No, after that.", "P-please?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes.  "You were about to say something."

He cleared his throat.  "Please... I... would... really appreciate it?" he mumbled, glancing up at my again with an innocent look.  I sighed, hesitating a moment before grabbing the front of his shirt, pulling him towards me until our lips were centimetres apart.

"What were you about to say?" I whispered against his lips.
"N-nothing..." he whispered breathily.
"Really?"

And with that, I let my lips brush his, but only to the lightest degree, letting go of his shirt to run my hands down his sides, hooking my fingers over the waistband of his pyjama pants, pulling him closer to me until I could get a proper grip on his hips.  My mouth whispered over his jaw and neck.
"What were you about to say?" I breathed into his ear in the lightest of ways.

"I love you." he said without the slightest resistance.  When he realised it'd slipped out, he gasped, slapping his hands over his mouth, blushing wildly.  I grinned.  "Now THAT'S what I like to hear." I said with a chuckle, leaning down to very softly clamp my teeth around his fingers and pry off his hands and press my lips against his.

"That's better, now isn't it?" I said softly after pulling away.  He nodded the slightest bit and pounced on me, connecting our mouths instantly and viciously ravishing my lips.

"Now, what about that 'laying down'?" he breathed on my cheek.  I grinned.  "Sounds splendid." I whispered back, sweeping him off his feet bridal style and carrying him out of the study and towards the bedroom.

A girlish giggle was heard coming from the bedroom, followed by a bout of laughter and teasing words of endearment.

Description
That giggle was what sold me.

At first, I didn't even notice the giggle, it was so subtle.  But whenever my brother was happy or excited, he'd giggle adorably, grinning immediately afterwards.  It was the most girlish thing I'd ever heard from a boy, but it's what REALLY told me that he was something special.

That giggle was what brought me back to our conversation.

"Thanks, Amant." Amour said gratefully, giggling again.  "You've made me feel a lot better!"
"No prob, little brother." I said playfully, softly punching his shoulder.  Then I yawned.  "I think I'm gunna hit the sack." I glanced behind me at the clock on the stove.  "You probably should too."

He sighed and nodded, hopping down from the kitchen stool and slinking upstairs.  My eyes narrowed as I followed him with my gaze, hopping down from my own stool.  I cleaned up from our snack of cheese and crackers, washing off the cutting board we used to cut the block of swiss and washing and putting away our plates.

By the time I was done, I was sure Amour had gone to bed by then.  I padded up the steps and quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face, pulling my hair back in a ponytail.  I was happy I could do this with it now.

When I walked into my room, though, I froze.  Amour was curled up like kitten with my covers hiding his cherubic face.  Then I saw his chest rise and fall rapidly and I grinned.  I knew how to tell if someone was pretending to sleep or not.  That was a dead give away.

Without acknowledging his presence in the room, I pulled my pants off and threw them into my closet.  I heard the ruffling of covers, though I couldn't see anything as my back was turned to the bed.  I quickly pulled on a pair of pyjama pants and removed my shirt.  When I turned around, my eight year old brother was on his hands and knees, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes wide.  When I smirked at him, he blushed and plopped into a sitting position.

"Amour... when I said you should go to sleep, I assumed you knew that I meant in your OWN bed." I said teasingly, walking around to one side of the queen sized bed.  He shrugged, folding his legs into a pretzel shape as I slipped under the covers.  I casually patted the spot beside me.  He scampered to sit down, the blush remaining.  "I was... lonely." he whispered, glancing away.  I saw him shiver and lifted up the covers to allow him under them with me.  He shyly slipped under and jumped slightly as I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, his fisted hand resting on my stomach.

He was pouting.  "What's up?" I asked, rubbing his arm in a brotherly way.  He huffed.  "Why're you so muscly?" he asked, looking up at my with a bit of a playful glare.  "I'm not muscly at all!  How do I get to be as strong as you?"
I blinked in surprise before bursting out in quiet laughter.  "Just eat right and exercise!" I said with a grin, punching his shoulder softly.

"So, I hear it's going to rain for the rest of the week." I said casually, relaxing next to him.  He nodded, rolling his shoulders in a way that suggested he really didn't care nor know what to say about it.

He scooted closer, resting his head on my bare chest.  We didn't say anything more.  We just... sat there!  Enjoying each other's company.  Suddenly, I got the urge to do something that I was sure was going to get me into trouble... but it was impulse.  I had to.  I glanced down at my brother, shakily lifting my hand to place my fingers under his jaw, sliding them down to his jaw to his chin, lifting his head up in the most gentle of ways, biting my lower lip before leaning in to press my lips against his.

He didn't do anything.  I didn't expect him to.  When I pulled away, he lifted his fingers to press against his lips.  "Brother?" he whispered, glancing up at me.  I winced.  "Y-yes?" I murmured.  He took a deep breath.  "I-isn't that what mummies and daddies are supposed to do with each other?" he placed a small hand on my shoulder, pulling my gaze back at him.  "N-no, Amour.  That's what... p-people who l-love each other a-are supposed to d-do with each other." I answered, biting my lower lip.  "It doesn't matter who th-they are.  D-do you love me, Amour?" I gave him an expectant look.  He nodded.  "You're my older brother!  Of course I love you!" he smiled sweetly at me and my heart fluttered, but I knew that he meant something different than what I meant.

"Well, th-then it shouldn't m-matter, right?" I smiled back at him, running my fingers through his hair.  His eyes closed for a moment when I did this, before he nodded.  "Are you gonna do it again?" he whispered.  I paused, giving his a look of surprise.  "Do you want me to?" I asked.  He nodded slowly.

So I leaned in ever so slowly and our lips touched gently.  He sat there, letting me kiss him for however long I wanted.  Finally, I pulled away, only to let that look of surprise wash over my face again as a groan of disappointment left his mouth.  "Do... you like it?" I asked, blushing at the awkwardness of the question.  He nodded.  "You taste good." his eyes opened, giggling softly.  "And it feels nice."

I thought that if I was feeling at all hesitant about this situation, I sure as hell wasn't now!  I leaned back down, this time, taking it a step further, cupping the back of his small head and softly leading him through the proper way to kiss someone, prying open his lips, my thumb stroking his neck in the sweetest of ways.
Before I knew it, He'd picked up on it beautifully and we'd found a rhythm.  It was still a sweet, awkward, gentle kiss, but it was more than I'd ever had hoped for.

When we finally pulled away, I felt my hands wander further down than they should, earning a soft, breathy gasp from the younger who was now practically under me.  I felt my fingers dig underneath the waistband of his pyjama pants before I forced myself to stop.  "Amour..." I whispered, opening my eyes.  His relaxed face had no tension on it, only loving, happy emotion.  I blinked.  "Amour... I think we should stop..." I breathed.  I saw his face drop into disappointment.  "But..." his eyes flicked open.  "Do we have to?  I... I liked what you were doing..." his cheeks coloured as he glanced over at the covers.  "It... felt good."

I blinked, staring at the boy who I loved more than a brother should.  I don't think I could say that I could stop now.  He's basically just given me permission to do whatever the fuck I wanted to do to him.  So I used it.

I leaned down, capturing his lips again.  "Thank you, Amour." I said in the softest of voices onto his cheek when I pulled away.  "You mean so much to me."
I saw him smile sweetly before I started to tug at his pyjama pants again.  He gasped softly, but then his expression relaxed again.  He was okay.  I could keep going.

So I did.

---

Seven years and we didn't say a word about that night, even though it was hands down the BEST night I'd ever had in my entire life.  I could still feel my younger brother's heavy breath against my throat and his thin legs wrapping around my own.  It was... beautiful.

I wasn't even able to snatch another kiss from him.  Not one.  He acted as if nothing happened and when I tried to approach him about it the night afterwards, he denied anything had even happened.  When I tried to kiss him, he flinched away, pretending to be awkwardly amused and slightly grossed out by it.

That hurt me.  That hurt me more than a bullet, more than insults, more than a punch... it stung my very soul.

I was not as ecstatic as you would expect when my parents said that Amour had to spend the weekend at my apartment when they went out of town for a romantic cruise or something like that.  You see, I was out of college and out of the house, as I was already twenty three years old.

Amour was fifteen.  I hadn't seen him since I moved out four years ago.  Apparently he had... grown up quite a bit.

When my mother knocked on the door at around five, I jumped nearly a mile.  I quickly scampered from my couch and wrenched open my door.  If I wasn't trying with all my might to keep a hold of myself, I'd probably have fainted.

Amour. was. gorgeous.

He was a good five foot six or so, not too tall for his age.  His hair was pitch black, obviously dyed, and was cut into the most feminine style I'd ever seen on a boy.  He had diagonal bangs that hung over one eye and the front of his hair was very long and reached almost to his shoulders.  The back of his hair was much shorter, though, which caused for some wonderful contrast.  He had black, thick-framed glasses and his lip was pierced on either side, as well as a small stud right above his upper lip.

He did NOT look happy whatsoever.

"Oh, hello, Amant!" my mother gushed, collapsing into me with a hug.  "I haven't seen you in forever!  How've you been doing?" I smiled weakly at her.  "I've been well.  Thanks, mum." I said with a small chuckle.

She patted my biceps, grinning, before placing her hand on Amour's back and leading him into the apartment.  He gave her a pained look before folding his arms and standing right inside the door.  My mother gave me an apologetic look.  "I'll see you two after the weekend.  Love you both!" she held out her hands for Amour to hug her goodbye.  He did so, planting a kiss on her cheek.  I hugged her next, refraining from giving her a kiss.  She waved and walked down the hallways.

Amour stared longingly out the door before I pulled him in and closed the door.  He glared at me mercilessly, folding his arms.  "Well, aren't you going to show me my bedroom?" he asked with something that I could easily mistake for hate if I knew that he still loved me, at least in a brotherly way... deep... deep... REALLY deep down there.

"Yeah..." I murmured, slinking off down my short hallway, opening the door to my guest room and gesturing around.  He hiked the backpack on his back up a bit before slipping silently into the room and slamming it shut.  I sighed when I heard the lock click.  "Please don't be difficult, Amour." I said rather loudly to get past the door.  I heard an audible snort from the other side of the door.  "I'm going to be hell, fag." I heard him yell.

My eyes shot open wider than probably healthy.  Okay, first off, he was probably the most feminine boy I'd seen, tell me HE wasn't a fag!  And second... this was my BROTHER here!  What had gotten into him?!

I pursed my lips, storming off.  Fine.  If he WANTED to be difficult, then I wasn't going to stop him, but I wasn't going to make it easy for him, either.

The next morning, I hadn't see Amour since he locked himself into the guest room.  Not even when I told him that dinner was ready.  I did see him the morning after, though.  He was in his pyjamas, sitting on my couch with the remote in his hand and his eyes trained on the screen.

"Good morning." I yawned, looking at him hopefully.  He raised a hand in silent greeting and continued to flick through the channels, obviously not satisfied with the hundreds of channels I had.  "Did you sleep well?" he shook his head.  "Oh... was something wrong?" he shrugged.  "Are you going to actually talk to me?" a sigh.

"Look, Amant.  I didn't want to be here.  I BEGGED mother to let me stay home or at a friend's house.  I was thinking last night... I'm sorry I called you a fag..." he paused, glancing over his shoulder.  "But you are.  And I'm sorry I said I was going to be hell... but I am.  I've changed since..." he let his eyes flutter shut a moment.  "That night." his eyes opened again and I noticed they were glassy.  "I was young and I didn't know what was going on, all I knew was that it felt good and I trusted you."

I could see the faintest blush on his cheeks.  "Let's refrain from talking to each other this weekend and we won't get in any fights, okay?" and with that, he turned back to the T.V.  I saw him lay one leg over his lap in a rather uncomfortable looking position.  My eyes narrowed.  "Fine.  I'm not going to give up, though.  Amour, despite past events, you're still my brother and it angers me that we've grown apart on such awkward circumstances.  I intend on becoming your friend again."

He just shrugged.

The rest of the day, we did nothing but watch T.V.  Well, Amour did.  I worked.  I organised things and cleaned the entire apartment, just to avoid having to interact with my brother.  Finally, though, I gave up on trying to clean out my entire computer and stood up, making my way to the living-room.  Amour was laying on the couch, his eyes drooped and his lips pursed.

"Hey." I greeted softly, going to sit on the recliner.  "Hey." he responded.  I saw his jaw clench as he swiftly changed the channel.  I sighed.  "Amour... can we talk, please?" I asked, running my fingers through my long, dark brown hair.  He froze, his eyes narrowed.  "I guess..." he ground out.

"So, I just wanted to say... I'm sorry." I said, keeping my eyes trained on his averted face.  "I regret every minute of that night." something flashed over his face a second before it reverted back to it's look of annoyance.  "I was... young.  And... I was sixteen." glanced at my lap where my hands were restlessly picking at the fingernails.  "You should understand that... it was really hard for me to stop.  You're fifteen, you surely know it's a little hard to hold back, by now!"

His eyes fluttered shut again as he took in a deep breath, moving into a sitting position.

"Please... forgive me.  This grudge you have against me is ridiculous."

"Grudge?!  Against YOU?!" his face showed every sign of being angered.  "Do you think this is about a GRUDGE?!" he rolled his eyes, snorting.  "No.  This is pure HATE.  It's not a grudge.  It's HATE for you for taking away my virginity!  You practically RAPED me!  I was too young to realise it at first but then I did!  What you did was WRONG, Amant.  WRONG.  Not ONLY was it pedophilia, but it was also rape AND incest!  My GOD, did you not realise this?"

I stared at Amour in shock.  This had... basically come out of no where!

"Did you even CONSIDER how much I'd be scarred afterwards?!  That wasn't normal."

My eyes narrowed.  "Oh, so now you're normal?" I hissed, glaring at him terribly.  "So now you're pure.  Now you're straight.  Last I heard from mum, you had a boyfriend!  You played keyboard and wrote songs about sex!  Are you SERIOUSLY accusing me of being impure from things I did YEARS ago when just a month ago, you were fucking your boyfriend on the kitchen table while our parents were out for the night?!"

His eyes were wide and his expression was full of shock and fear.

"The least you could have FUCKING done, Amour, was told me that you didn't love me!  That was the LEAST!  I thought you were in denial!  I tried to sway you back to my side but NO!  You just kept on with your adorable fucking giggle and shaking your head and saying 'Oh, no, Amant... not now.'!"

Amour stood up suddenly.  "HEY!" he cried, I saw his eyes get glassy and tears gather at his waterline.  "So now you're into STALKING, aren't you?  Asking mum about my SEX LIFE?!  What the fuck, Amant!  Are you--"

"What in the HELL are you talking about?" I asked in a hush, shaking my head with my eyes trained on him.  "You're making up shit!  It's NORMAL for someone to ask how his brother is doing!  It's NORMAL for a mother to spill EVERY. LAST. FUCKING. PAINFUL. DETAIL out to said someone!"

"YEAH?!  Well--"

"NO!  You just shut the FUCK up and listen, Amour!" I jumped up from my seat, slowly making my way over to him.  "You meant more to me then the sun and the moon!  More than oxygen!  I thought, if I couldn't have you, then I couldn't live!  I fucking LOVED you, Amour!  I still DO!  I love you more then any BOY TOY you pick off the streets!  More than any useless person who has ever muttered the words 'I love you' to you at night.  More than you could ever FUCKING deserve!  You are the MOST horrible person I have EVER met, but I still. fucking. love you."

And with that, I stormed off, down the halls and into my study where I slammed the door shut and locked it, barring it with chairs, such a childish move.

We didn't see each other again till nine o' clock, Sunday evening.

There was a sharp knock at the door to my study.  I flinched, my head jerking towards the entrance.  "Fuck you very much." I yelled at the door.
There was a pause.  "A-Amant... I want to talk to you..." the strangled voice called through the wood.  It sounded worn and scratchy and simply pathetic.  My eyes widened.

I slowly made my way to the door with the gait of an animal approaching something new and frightening.

When I removed the chairs and unlocked the door, it took a moment before I cracked the door open just an inch.  When I peered out, I was surprised at the sight.
Amour looked like he'd been beating himself up for the past hours.  His eyes had dark circles underneath them and were red and puffy, his face tear-streaked.  His pyjama pants were simply resting loosely on his hips, but he didn't bother pulling them up.

"L-let me in." he ordered weakly with a bit of a stutter.  I blinked and nodded, opening the door for him.  He slipped in, looking shy.

"Amant..." he whispered, glancing at the floor.  "I've been thinking..." he let his eyes flutter closed.  "A-about all that you said and... i-it makes sense.  I was stupid." he closed his eyes as if he was trying to stand a major pain.  "I'm really... s-sorry.  Now that I think about it... y-you were the b-best thing in my entire life.  I-I regret acting like a jerk." he pursed his lips, taking a deep breath, looking up at me with a small smile.  "Would you like to go lay down for a while?"

I gave him a look of confusion.  Was this pity?  Or was it real?  Did he REALLY just suggest I go screw him?  If not extremely subtly.

"Look, Amour, I love you more than life itself... but I'm not going to force you to do something you don't want to do."

"You're not forcing me!" he exclaimed hurriedly.  "I'm OFFERING!  Please... I--" he cut off the rest of his sentence, causing my curiosity to perk.  "Sorry, what?" I asked with a light smirk, folding my arms.  He was blushing softly.  He had his eyes averted and lips pursed.  "I said that I'm offering." he mumbled.  "No, after that.", "P-please?"

I sighed, rolling my eyes.  "You were about to say something."

He cleared his throat.  "Please... I... would... really appreciate it?" he mumbled, glancing up at my again with an innocent look.  I sighed, hesitating a moment before grabbing the front of his shirt, pulling him towards me until our lips were centimetres apart.

"What were you about to say?" I whispered against his lips.
"N-nothing..." he whispered breathily.
"Really?"

And with that, I let my lips brush his, but only to the lightest degree, letting go of his shirt to run my hands down his sides, hooking my fingers over the waistband of his pyjama pants, pulling him closer to me until I could get a proper grip on his hips.  My mouth whispered over his jaw and neck.
"What were you about to say?" I breathed into his ear in the lightest of ways.

"I love you." he said without the slightest resistance.  When he realised it'd slipped out, he gasped, slapping his hands over his mouth, blushing wildly.  I grinned.  "Now THAT'S what I like to hear." I said with a chuckle, leaning down to very softly clamp my teeth around his fingers and pry off his hands and press my lips against his.

"That's better, now isn't it?" I said softly after pulling away.  He nodded the slightest bit and pounced on me, connecting our mouths instantly and viciously ravishing my lips.

"Now, what about that 'laying down'?" he breathed on my cheek.  I grinned.  "Sounds splendid." I whispered back, sweeping him off his feet bridal style and carrying him out of the study and towards the bedroom.

A girlish giggle was heard coming from the bedroom, followed by a bout of laughter and teasing words of endearment.