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Phoenixhellcat92 — pain
Published: 2010-11-26 20:51:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 272; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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Description
cut my wrists and hope to dieclose my heart and feel no shame
pen to paper cannot lie
stay too close and in the flame
what lies beyond the grave
hands gripping tight around my throat
wounds that cant be healed
though they are mere scars now
memories that murder me inside
memories that are lost or hidden
torture me to see the truth from years ago
what lies in these empty veins
and memories full of fear
and a night that was lost so deep in my mind
how it becomes clear, clear as day
if close i am afraid and alone is a fear
im in the driving seat of the car
dont know where to steer
24th october 2010
copy written
samantha russell
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Comments: 12
very intense, the first line registered very subtle in my mind as I was a cutter myself, not proud of it. This poem is like a mirror of pain showing the reader everything you experience and feel, more so mentally than physically or at least that's how i portrayed it.
The rhyme scheme was typical of a free verse, but i notice now that it is a song so the music may have a great affect on the meter and rhythm.
The poem is good well thought out and portrays the emotions of pain well.
A few tips however, try simplify some of the longer lines and reading it aloud and find the areas where the rhythm gets messed up there are a few places. Also, I would suggest using proper capitalization by capitalizing the i's and the first letters of the lines.
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yeah my punctuation is terrible so is my spelling :S
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yea but it all can be easily fixed with a little work 
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if u could point out the errors that would be much appreciated thank you
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yes i will see what i can do
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i found the comment ur wrote the same day i put it up
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hey may be its 25 or 26th of october 2010......I'm not so sure.....
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