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PhoenixoftheOpera — Another Time
Published: 2011-08-07 08:04:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 954; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 3
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Description I knew it when I heard the sound
Like I never felt the ground.
I lie on this broken earth,
On top of this red surf.
I knew I shouldn't have let you down,
I knew it was just myself.
I was too hesitant to breathe the air,
Too wary of the centuries near here.
I thought I'd never let you down, my angel.
I didn't come back sound
With my mind wandering around... thinking only of you.
I knew it when I hit the ground.

I knew it when I heard your breath.
So solemn, so sweet; you stutter
As do I.
My heart beats, fluttering upon a dove's wings.
Come back, come back my love!
Come back unto thy earth.
Unto thy two feet, walk whole again.
Come back to yourself.
Come back to the place you called home.

There will be another time.
Another century; place
For your fingertips to stroke my face.
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Comments: 13

Leaftooth [2011-08-27 00:54:05 +0000 UTC]

just for that

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PhoenixoftheOpera In reply to Leaftooth [2011-08-27 00:58:29 +0000 UTC]

MEGAAAA GLAOMPPPP!!!!lol

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Leaftooth In reply to PhoenixoftheOpera [2011-08-27 01:04:18 +0000 UTC]

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Leaftooth [2011-08-26 22:56:40 +0000 UTC]

i love it so muck i see it as Erik's view the whole time

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PhoenixoftheOpera In reply to Leaftooth [2011-08-26 23:04:51 +0000 UTC]

Yeah I can see that. I simply stated for everyone to post their opinions caseit ould be from any point of view.

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Leaftooth In reply to PhoenixoftheOpera [2011-08-26 23:08:07 +0000 UTC]

i know thats why i did i love you POTO work now look what you did i was come but now you got me into phan-girl mode

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PhoenixoftheOpera In reply to Leaftooth [2011-08-27 00:50:15 +0000 UTC]

Yeah I tendd to get people into their Phangirl mode or get them back into Phantom of the Opera lol

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HPAmortentiaLove [2011-08-14 21:12:17 +0000 UTC]

I like this it's very sweet. Great job!

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PhoenixoftheOpera In reply to HPAmortentiaLove [2011-08-14 22:13:39 +0000 UTC]

Thank you

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HPAmortentiaLove In reply to PhoenixoftheOpera [2011-08-15 14:52:41 +0000 UTC]

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AnaxErik4ever [2011-08-08 04:10:09 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful. It doesn't need revision. Erik would be proud of you if he could see how well you penned his thoughts.

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PhoenixoftheOpera In reply to AnaxErik4ever [2011-08-08 05:29:19 +0000 UTC]

Awww I wish I could show him now lol

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suitecake [2011-08-08 02:28:44 +0000 UTC]

Don't rhyme. Just don't. Unless you're writing something with the intent of putting it to music, it's best to avoid rhyme (and especially the rhyming couplet). It hasn't aged well, as a poetic device.

When you've stripped this poem of its rhyme, re-write it. Some of the lines are very awkward, and I'm guessing that is to fit in the rhyme. Lines like 'I knew it was just myself' and 'I didn't come back sound' don't work.

Over-the-top emotion works well in Broadway musicals. It doesn't work well in poetry, as a general rule. Sentimental musicals can be very stirring. Sentimental poetry is very rarely stirring.

I suggest you briefly rewrite the poem, getting rid of all rhyme, but keeping to the original tone as much as possible. Then, I suggest you let the poem sit in a drawer for a week. Don't open it up. Don't look at it. After that week, set aside a half-hour of your day, get a cup of tea, and rewrite the poem.

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