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www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0LS-w…
HM...well to start off I was having a really good day yesterday-I won an art raffle, I got into a local dance group I auditioned for-then I find out literally out of the blue from an old RP friend Circus Darkrai is closing.
I...I’m not really sure how to feel right now. As people probably know I am now the oldest circus member in both character (Edward is pushing 240 years man) and member (almost seven years bABEE). I’m pretty sure I was technically the first member of the group too even because I was asked personally to join by the first mod who was my friend. I have seen this group go through so many member changes, mod changes, events, I have even met most of the Circus Darkrai mods current/former in person which was surreal.
This group has never been perfect but I have seen many RP groups go up in flames from a number of reasons and Circus Darkrai never really did that. Somehow despite everything the mod team and members kept it together and I strongly feel it's because of everyone’s passion for the group, their characters and the setting. Circus Darkrai made me not only love dark humor and the 1920s but gave me a passion to do more ambitious things with my ocs and characters.
I have extremely bittersweet feelings over my time in this group, and several times I even regret joining. But upon reflection it was nice to have people so invested in my dumb OCs and love my dumb comics. It was really that validation that made me want to pursue creating graphic novels so I deeply appreciate it. While most friends I had in this group I do not talk to anymore nor I was not active for a couple years, the few I do keep in touch with are very dear to me and I trust.
Circus Darkrai was in a way my childhood, and seeing it closing is almost like the final goodbye to my time on here as I move onto adulthood and pursuing a professional art career.
I know people are invested in Edward and Xavier so I feel like I should give my personal thoughts/headcannons briefly before I go-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xavier-Xavier was made to deal with my depression. I know that sounds dramatic but when I look back on my life and events when a lot of my personal anxiety/problems started showing up was when I made Xavier. Acting super positive but very broken inside, possibly more broken than Edward-I never had anything close to what Xavier was dealing with, but it was a healthy way to cope. I also wanted a positive character to balance Edward for more comic-writing scenarios, and somehow that evolved into a bromance that became an actual unrequited romance. He is a good good boy who deserves better than he got.
I always wanted Xavier to have an unhappy ending. I know that sounds horrible but I did always plan for Xavier to kill himself with Octavia or just break and throw himself off a cliff or something. However, considering what a personal connection he had to my mental health journey and how I am in a very healthy space now, I feel he should have a happier ending too. So I’m just going to say he disappears mysteriously (his curse was never really tethering him to the circus his mental state was) and no one can ever track him down again.
So it's up to you-you can pick the happier ending or the not happy ending. I left it vague on purpose. I would’ve picked the sad ending a few years ago, but now I prefer to think he’s off doing magic somewhere for kids and living his best life.
Edward- hoo boyy. Oh arceus.
I almost want to apologize for Edward-not in a funny ha ha way even if I would, but genuinely. Edward was made when I was younger, and as I grew he grew with me, and many things I wanted to change about him. Looking back on his first app which I never changed it was a hot mess from a story perspective, as well as many dark topics I covered with him I look on now and feel I could’ve handled way better. I was new to dark writing and dark themes in general, and really wish I could’ve handled some things better but I am older and learned more now. I could’ve definitely researched the time period more in terms of how queer men were treated as well as burlesque (which I found out they never really stripped it was more of a tease). Not to mention many adult things I tried to attempt as a teenager now an adult now I cringe at. (That black box dick joke I drew ages ago for an ask, it is too big and wrongly placed and evERYTHING and it will haunt me until I die-).
But Edward is still my most personal OC, and one that is extremely dear to me. Through Edward I coped and explored my bad social/confrontational anxiety, sexuality and uncomfortableness with my own body. He is also my most popular and the one I am arguably most well known for, which is a surreal feeling. Getting fanart of an OC and not just one a lot of it, to the point that he is very well known is NUTS. In the end I’m not mad he is what I’m known for. He is a very good OC. Enough that I’ll definitely use him in a future project.
Edward’s ending I had in mind for years-he finally breaks his curse, lives with Misha and ends up writing a book about his circus journey (cause the group was originally based on the book Something Wicked This Way Comes). However, at the same time someone suggested to me he eventually takes on the mantle of Ringmaster and I also really dig that ending too. He would be older, hotter and still depressed, but unlike Darkrai he would rule far more fairly and be more candid and upfront with his contracts. He would be far more withdrawn though and kind of undo all his character development of trusting people. Like Xavier its left vague and up to you to decide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway wow, that was long, but I feel I deserve some sort of explanation. My art improvement in this group has been outstanding if anything. You can really see my progression in this group with my style and skill just how I draw Edward. My goal was to get good enough at drawing to draw him as hot as he was in my head so I guess mission accomplished.

fav.me/dcaoefi

It's been fun folks, next time you see me hopefully its with a book in a bookstore or something. Cross your fingers that an agent likes my work enough to pick me up LMAO The curtain closes yet another opens I guess!
-Hayley
Ps: this is not my final CD submission- BillSpooks and I are working on something very cursed to post c :

Description

www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0LS-w…
HM...well to start off I was having a really good day yesterday-I won an art raffle, I got into a local dance group I auditioned for-then I find out literally out of the blue from an old RP friend Circus Darkrai is closing.
I...I’m not really sure how to feel right now. As people probably know I am now the oldest circus member in both character (Edward is pushing 240 years man) and member (almost seven years bABEE). I’m pretty sure I was technically the first member of the group too even because I was asked personally to join by the first mod who was my friend. I have seen this group go through so many member changes, mod changes, events, I have even met most of the Circus Darkrai mods current/former in person which was surreal.
This group has never been perfect but I have seen many RP groups go up in flames from a number of reasons and Circus Darkrai never really did that. Somehow despite everything the mod team and members kept it together and I strongly feel it's because of everyone’s passion for the group, their characters and the setting. Circus Darkrai made me not only love dark humor and the 1920s but gave me a passion to do more ambitious things with my ocs and characters.
I have extremely bittersweet feelings over my time in this group, and several times I even regret joining. But upon reflection it was nice to have people so invested in my dumb OCs and love my dumb comics. It was really that validation that made me want to pursue creating graphic novels so I deeply appreciate it. While most friends I had in this group I do not talk to anymore nor I was not active for a couple years, the few I do keep in touch with are very dear to me and I trust.
Circus Darkrai was in a way my childhood, and seeing it closing is almost like the final goodbye to my time on here as I move onto adulthood and pursuing a professional art career.
I know people are invested in Edward and Xavier so I feel like I should give my personal thoughts/headcannons briefly before I go-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Xavier-Xavier was made to deal with my depression. I know that sounds dramatic but when I look back on my life and events when a lot of my personal anxiety/problems started showing up was when I made Xavier. Acting super positive but very broken inside, possibly more broken than Edward-I never had anything close to what Xavier was dealing with, but it was a healthy way to cope. I also wanted a positive character to balance Edward for more comic-writing scenarios, and somehow that evolved into a bromance that became an actual unrequited romance. He is a good good boy who deserves better than he got.
I always wanted Xavier to have an unhappy ending. I know that sounds horrible but I did always plan for Xavier to kill himself with Octavia or just break and throw himself off a cliff or something. However, considering what a personal connection he had to my mental health journey and how I am in a very healthy space now, I feel he should have a happier ending too. So I’m just going to say he disappears mysteriously (his curse was never really tethering him to the circus his mental state was) and no one can ever track him down again.
So it's up to you-you can pick the happier ending or the not happy ending. I left it vague on purpose. I would’ve picked the sad ending a few years ago, but now I prefer to think he’s off doing magic somewhere for kids and living his best life.
Edward- hoo boyy. Oh arceus.
I almost want to apologize for Edward-not in a funny ha ha way even if I would, but genuinely. Edward was made when I was younger, and as I grew he grew with me, and many things I wanted to change about him. Looking back on his first app which I never changed it was a hot mess from a story perspective, as well as many dark topics I covered with him I look on now and feel I could’ve handled way better. I was new to dark writing and dark themes in general, and really wish I could’ve handled some things better but I am older and learned more now. I could’ve definitely researched the time period more in terms of how queer men were treated as well as burlesque (which I found out they never really stripped it was more of a tease). Not to mention many adult things I tried to attempt as a teenager now an adult now I cringe at. (That black box dick joke I drew ages ago for an ask, it is too big and wrongly placed and evERYTHING and it will haunt me until I die-).
But Edward is still my most personal OC, and one that is extremely dear to me. Through Edward I coped and explored my bad social/confrontational anxiety, sexuality and uncomfortableness with my own body. He is also my most popular and the one I am arguably most well known for, which is a surreal feeling. Getting fanart of an OC and not just one a lot of it, to the point that he is very well known is NUTS. In the end I’m not mad he is what I’m known for. He is a very good OC. Enough that I’ll definitely use him in a future project.
Edward’s ending I had in mind for years-he finally breaks his curse, lives with Misha and ends up writing a book about his circus journey (cause the group was originally based on the book Something Wicked This Way Comes). However, at the same time someone suggested to me he eventually takes on the mantle of Ringmaster and I also really dig that ending too. He would be older, hotter and still depressed, but unlike Darkrai he would rule far more fairly and be more candid and upfront with his contracts. He would be far more withdrawn though and kind of undo all his character development of trusting people. Like Xavier its left vague and up to you to decide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyway wow, that was long, but I feel I deserve some sort of explanation. My art improvement in this group has been outstanding if anything. You can really see my progression in this group with my style and skill just how I draw Edward. My goal was to get good enough at drawing to draw him as hot as he was in my head so I guess mission accomplished.

fav.me/dcaoefi

It's been fun folks, next time you see me hopefully its with a book in a bookstore or something. Cross your fingers that an agent likes my work enough to pick me up LMAO The curtain closes yet another opens I guess!
-Hayley
Ps: this is not my final CD submission- BillSpooks and I are working on something very cursed to post c :