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Berzelierg In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 20:05:17 +0000 UTC]

Hey your function is be cute, mine it's be derp, now excuse me ... ... i mean

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saturdaymorningproj In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 19:23:29 +0000 UTC]

hahaha oooopsy xD
great job as usual

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Cake4Fluttershy In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 19:13:48 +0000 UTC]

LOL AWESOME

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doubleWbrothers In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 19:09:03 +0000 UTC]

Nice.

I get the feeling that RD is barfing out her colors, wich I find quite hilarious.

Usually it is quite troublesome using an OC, unless you show exactly what he does (Like a cop for example.), since we don't know it. An introduction would be needed, but in this case it even works without it.


An advice I want to give you, since it happens quite often in your comics: Too much text in one bubble. Most people don't want to read that much. It slows the action down and makes people just fly over the text without really reading it. It would be better if you would think more on how you can shorten the dialog. It's a basic rule for comics. I don't know if Andy Price pulls such textwalls, but shorter is better, trust me on that.

Well, of course you can do what you want. It's just an advice.

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Pony-Berserker In reply to doubleWbrothers [2013-10-13 19:15:02 +0000 UTC]

Thanks

yeah, I'm kinda aware of this text walls... I'm not sure how to avoid them. They just seem to be necessary whenever they happen However, sometimes they talk a lot in the IDW comics

you're right here, of course.

oh, and you're right with RD and the colors

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doubleWbrothers In reply to Pony-Berserker [2013-10-13 21:01:19 +0000 UTC]

In order to avoid these textwalls, you just have to think about wich information ist TRULY necessary. You might also change things so they fit better.

Let's give it a try:

"This potion will increase all of your phyiscal attributes.
It tastes like rotten old fish, so nopony get's the idea of
drinking too much, since that would lead to terrible sideffects."

This should translate the same information as the original text, at least all that is vital.

My changes:
I reduced the effect description since you don't have to name all these things when you can use one. I also reduced the taste describtion, since what is most important is the fish part.
I changed the description of the intake function so it doesn't take so long to say it, and I don't really think that saying that you need distilled water is necessary to convey the joke that is to come.

Well, I maybe made a mistake since I don't know all the details behind this.

What I am also trying to say is, that sometimes, when you are stuck, you have to start thinking in new directions. That often means sacrificing ideas you have grown fond of, but sometimes you got to destroy before you can create. It is one of the most common mistakes in all writing that people get stuck because they can't do it. They force their way through, and so the product is, well.... you know.

Well, I bothered you enough
Hopefully this helps...  a little.

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Pony-Berserker In reply to doubleWbrothers [2013-10-13 21:08:03 +0000 UTC]

hm... I was thinking about adding enough info so people wouldn't be confused what's going on... and I wanted to make it funny. So I was adding, and adding, and adding stuff, and I overdid this

you conveyed it well. and you're right about everything here. (maybe I'll even change the text in the comic later. I'm too lazy right now to do so )

thanks for your feedback. I'll keep that in mind

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Jujytu In reply to Pony-Berserker [2013-10-13 21:37:08 +0000 UTC]

It may be a huge wall of text and the shorter version is probably better. Though I could imagine her going on and on about the effects, talking really fast, while Rainbow just drinks the whole thing. ^^

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Pony-Berserker In reply to Jujytu [2013-10-13 21:41:18 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, I had in mind that she would talk too much, so RD wouldn't listen. I figured that RD would listen, if Dew told precisely what RD is supposed to do with the potion. 

But on the other hand, there's indeed a lot of text

however, the most important part is highlighted. if a reader skims through that speech bubble, they just know what RD feels at the moment

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doubleWbrothers In reply to Pony-Berserker [2013-10-13 22:06:12 +0000 UTC]

I get the idea of her talking too much, but if RD didn't listen, how did she hear the "sideffect" part?
Nah, just making some fun.

Maybe I should take little Dew Droplet into one of my comics. Or she appears in the crab series. A potion tinker is always useful for some straaange deveolpments. She would just need some proper introduction so everyone knows what she is about.


Still, about the "talk too much n' fast" thing. It would probably fit better in an animation.

I guess we know what you have to do next.

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Pony-Berserker In reply to doubleWbrothers [2013-10-13 23:46:43 +0000 UTC]

my prereader keeps saying that the wall of text works okay. now I'm torn apart between choices, and I'm confused myself

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Pony-Berserker In reply to doubleWbrothers [2013-10-13 22:52:40 +0000 UTC]

you mean, changing that speech bubble?

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Pony-Berserker In reply to Pony-Berserker [2013-10-13 19:15:14 +0000 UTC]

these*

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DeadCobra In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 19:01:57 +0000 UTC]

Funny
She will at least swim fast

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Pony-Berserker In reply to DeadCobra [2013-10-13 19:50:55 +0000 UTC]

with such small fins? I doubt that

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Mokey1980s In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 18:41:54 +0000 UTC]

This was pretty funny

Me likey

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Hyginustus In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 18:34:27 +0000 UTC]

fishdash ftw

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slawomiro In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 18:00:32 +0000 UTC]

Składanie reklamacji w Equestrii.

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Fire5236 In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 17:45:49 +0000 UTC]

Lawl xD

Never drink any potions

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BADASSassin In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 17:43:59 +0000 UTC]

Hey Dash, don a hat, dye your coat yellow, and slap on a fake cutie mark and BAM! Instant Daring Do cosplay.

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DJ-Bleach In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 17:01:57 +0000 UTC]

What exactly is up with her wings in the last panel?

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Hyginustus In reply to DJ-Bleach [2013-10-13 18:35:06 +0000 UTC]

now he will called fishdash

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MajorVoltage In reply to DJ-Bleach [2013-10-13 17:08:59 +0000 UTC]

Fish fins. 

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labba94 In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 16:25:15 +0000 UTC]

I don't really know the OC, you know - in the sense that I had indeed seen her once in a comic that was featured on EQD, and I've seen her as well in other comics made by different people I know and whose works I often check. But for this comic, knowing that she is an alchemist and that her name is Dew Droplet is enough Enough for what? Enough to understand its awesomeness! ^__^ Indeed, I liked it: it kind of reminds me of your old comics - you know, the simpler ones, and this time with "only" six panels, counting those fourth and fifth rows as single panels with different affine scenes in them. Which is a good thing, you know that from what I've told you several times!

• Therefore, the scripting reduces to be the scripting of a simple six-panels comic that was also born only as an ampliation of what was supposed to be a standalone picture: and again, I'm saying it with joy since it indeed feels like one of your innocent old comics I had enjoyed a lot as well as your series and most most most of your works! ^^ But what I notice is that you really must love starting comics (the one-shots) with ponies randomly entering another pony's room for some reason Wildfire in Spitfire's office, Twilight Velvet entering the storage to meet Pinkie and now Dash going into the alchemist pony's house - I think it is the perfect way to create a proper setup for these comical strips ^_^ And in fact, the setup was indeed perfect because the joke is adorable in its simpleness, even though the fact it works so well again depends on the spectacular work on the script: one wouldn't laugh that much at this comic if you hadn't rendered this wonderfully their personalities, with Rainbow carelessly drinking the potion because she's-best-pony-ever-so-who-cares-about-perils and the alchemist being so overexcited about her potion and blabbling about it so that she can alert Rainbow only when she has already drunk it... it feels so realistic, I have that same excitment when talking about math too But what was Rainbow muted into? A fish? The things her wings were turned into remind me of fish fins Also, nice stylistic choices representing Rainbow's pain with those... rainbows in the fifth panel.

• The art has always to be considered, even though you know... that it is now already perfect To say it mathematically, if perfection were fixed to 100, you'd be the function (100t + a)/(t + b): as time passes, your level of awesomeness rapidly increases to the point that you are now at 99.99999, and still you keep raising it towards 100 with every comic. And now you've reached the point in which you can already consider that 99.9999... whatever else as if it were 100. Proudly ^_^ The expressions are perfect, as well as the poses... and the hatching, that I especially love! The one on Dew is very good whenever it appears (panel 2, first part of panel 5). The ony sad thing is that we haven't seen some awesome open background like trees or whatever else for a lot, only some little shots of that here and there, not considering the fourth part of the Spike series. Here you work very very well when the background is just a color, in which you use the shading tool masterfully to work it out perfectly (like in the fourth and in the fifth panel), but panels like the first one are... not bad, not at all since then I would be contradictory with me praising your art this much. But they convey a weird feeling since it's like there are some random little things scattered in a huge panel being united only by a plain background color - which represents the color of the walls and of the floor. But that's it, it's just a little thing. I've noticed this a lot in your comics, but usually your background jokes distract the reader very well so that one doesn't focus on it - still this time the first panel only has three things to focus on not counting the characters - and two of them are even one next to another. So do you see? You might consider it as if it were the 0.00001 you lack to reach 100. Don't even think of it as a bad thing, but think of it as a liiiiittle thing to try to improve even more and reach that perfection. For someone like you, calling this a "mistake" would be like calling the "Lord of the Rings" a failure despite his global success through the years and around the world only because a friend of Tolkien once told him he disliked elves being always present in his works and thus he hated that work as well - and this indeed happened

• Did I mention them? Of course I mentioned background jokes, one of the most beautiful thing that can be found on a comic made by Pony-Berserker! To the point they drive me into using a LOT of emoticons now to express all my feelings when seeing them ^_^ And here we have something too: but... but... "good stuff"? With that thing? Are you... sure? Am I too exaggerate or is that... drugs? O__o Anyway, explosives and... no, I can't unsee that even with wanting it. Cricket. Again And I see a considerable amount of "Toxic" things here, just like in the second panel... and that symbol at the end But we have HIM as well! Yes, Thunderlane. Because now it's clear that you are a single soul in two bodies, neither of you can live without the other one: so he has to appear everywhere! And well, I knew it was a good thing to have him be in my last comic as well to please you But why is Rarity so cold? I think she still remembers her bad experience with him you told us about on derpibooru with that picture And uh, the Shaman too! ^^ Really, I cannot find the words to thank you for that I know it sounds strange for me when writing such a wall of text that I "lack the words", but believe me anyway ^_^ She has the "WTF are you doing Rainbow!?" face, with which I 100% agree Again, thank you so much! And then cricket, twice, because that ball is everywhere. I can already see the season premiere with our mane six being defeated by a strong enemy who knows how to defeat them... because he's always studied them with some cameras hidden in those balls he had placed into everypony's house. Or there would be no other explanation since I don't think that ponies love cricket that much

So... here is what I think of this comic. Really, nothing else to add to this awesomeness! ^_^

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Daniel-SG In reply to labba94 [2013-10-13 19:58:26 +0000 UTC]

Whoa, and I thought I wrote long comments!

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labba94 In reply to Daniel-SG [2013-10-13 19:59:57 +0000 UTC]

Pony-Berserker's comics are always a good source of inspiration for text walls

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Daniel-SG In reply to labba94 [2013-10-13 20:16:11 +0000 UTC]

Agreed. Not there is anything wrong with walls of text.

I've done walls of text before when talking about/ to artists I really admire, rofl.  

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Pony-Berserker In reply to labba94 [2013-10-13 19:09:10 +0000 UTC]

you don't like comics happening in rooms? well, these are walls... even Andy Price draws them this way, and there is often a lot of empty space in rooms

the good stuff is sugar of course. Why would you think otherwise?

yes, Rarity is cold because of that

well, her wings are fins now. I hoped it'd be clear.

I'm glad you really liked this comic ^^ thanks for your critique

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labba94 In reply to Pony-Berserker [2013-10-13 19:15:39 +0000 UTC]

Yes, sugar...

But poor Thunderlane, for the very first time I feel bad for him... he tries to get to Rarity once again, but forgetting the past is difficult... especially for such things

And I know that you can't do that much for rooms. But you'll admit that such a huge panel with so few elements feels... empty But I wrote it - don't worry, it's just a very minor thing ^_^ It doesn't even compromise the work ^^

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slawomiro In reply to labba94 [2013-10-13 17:59:50 +0000 UTC]

tl;dr

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labba94 In reply to slawomiro [2013-10-13 18:00:58 +0000 UTC]

What matters is only that Pony-Berserker reads it

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slawomiro In reply to labba94 [2013-10-13 18:30:59 +0000 UTC]

I know, just kidding. I personally praise such long, detailed critique. I may not read it all but you deserve a round of applause for all the words you wrote.

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labba94 In reply to slawomiro [2013-10-13 18:35:28 +0000 UTC]

Thank you ^^ I always write such comments for his comics... for example here , here or here

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slawomiro In reply to labba94 [2013-10-13 18:45:46 +0000 UTC]

*Pony-Berserker must be flattered.

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Pony-Berserker In reply to slawomiro [2013-10-13 19:15:56 +0000 UTC]

yup, I am

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labba94 In reply to slawomiro [2013-10-13 18:48:25 +0000 UTC]

Well, I hope...

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xormak In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 16:09:09 +0000 UTC]

SEAPONIES

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Twylite-Sparkle In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:55:02 +0000 UTC]

I-PUP gives you fiiins!

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Kyoshyu In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:46:42 +0000 UTC]

Can't say if it works as intended or not...

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SzafaLesiaka In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:46:37 +0000 UTC]

Even the Shaman knew it won't end well.

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Jarkes In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:45:37 +0000 UTC]

It kind of looks like her wings turned into fish fins...

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Pony-Berserker In reply to Jarkes [2013-10-13 19:09:42 +0000 UTC]

yup

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BoneSatellite In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:45:15 +0000 UTC]

Reference counter: 3

I like how Rainbow Dash just lays wherever she pleases. It's probably okay though, since whatever the contents of those bags will do to her is nothing compared to the effects of Dew's potion.

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TigroSpottystripes In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:42:47 +0000 UTC]

Counterfit Double-Rainboom juice discords you?

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glowing-galaxies In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:41:57 +0000 UTC]

XD

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Wolfsoul36 In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:40:13 +0000 UTC]

Haha i hope she gets her wings.

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Jujytu In reply to ??? [2013-10-13 15:40:05 +0000 UTC]

OMG! I can't stop laughing. xD
I lost it at "BLEURGH!". That face is priceless.

Yay fo adding Dewie to one of your comics!

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Pony-Berserker In reply to Jujytu [2013-10-13 19:10:20 +0000 UTC]

I'm happy you like it

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Jujytu In reply to Pony-Berserker [2013-10-13 19:13:29 +0000 UTC]

I love it. ^^

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