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Published: 2014-03-01 02:52:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 988; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 0
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Your name is Mituna Captor, and you threw your life away to save those who didn't care enough to listen to you...Your name is Mituna Captor. And your life is, well, perfect. Well, probably not perfect, but to you, things couldn’t be better. You had the most radical of matesprits you could ever ask for, as well as a moirail who only made it better. They made you feel like you were on top of the world, when they were around you were so confident that you could take on anything in this game, despite what your visions told you. Perhaps that’s part of what landed you in this specific predicament. You saw the darkness coming, the monsters. You warned them, that they needed to help fight it, that the fate of your session depended on it, but nobody believed you. Some like Meenah and Cronus scoffed and joked about how you were some paranoid, raging lunatic. Kankri on the other hand, gave a long winded speech about how your claims seemed highly illogical and—well you stopped paying attention to really find out what else, with the whole impending doom situation, you didn’t really have the time to stick around for him to talk forever.
It started to anger you, that they treated you like some kind of joke. This was important!
“Tuna, maybe you’re just paranoid, you should relax. We’ll be okay.” Latula tried to comfort you, but you only tensed at her touch, rubbing you temples, trying to lessen your temper but to no avail.
“I’ll show you! I’ll show all of you” You called as you stormed off in the heat of your rage toward the place from your visions with Kurloz right at your heels. You could tell he was concerned, that you weren't making things up out of the blue, but you also knew he didn’t believe you completely either, but he had said he’d be there for anything important to his palest bro, it brought a slight smile to your lips that his word was true, as you stood in the exact place the nightmares you’d spoke of for gog only knows how long, it being the only comfort among the twisting panic in your stomach as the darkness drew near, you didn’t know what it was, or what was in it to be exact, but whatever it was, unless it was stopped, everyone was doomed. You felt the charge of your psionic powers build in your veins as you stood your ground, looking back to your moirail for reassurance. His eyes were wide and his stitched mouth pulled taunt, taking in the frightening sight, he looked worried as his eyes finally met yours, as though the feeling of doom had finally settled over on him, you only nodded to him as he signed a quick apology for not realizing the severity of the situation sooner. Perhaps his backing argument would have been helpful in convincing at least a few of the others, but it was too late for “what if’s” alone. Your name is Mituna Captor, and if you wanted your friends to live, you would have to brave this monstrosity alone.
Finally, you could hold it no longer, you held your hands out , watching the familiar red and blue bolts spark from your hand, when they finally made contact with the entity, the afflicted area seemed to had taken damage, it was working . But you’d need a whole hell of a lot more power if you needed to defeat this thing. You closed you bicolored eyes, focusing your energy, thinking of the face of your matesprit, and the faces of your friends, pleading that they would give you the strength you needed to defeat this. You even managed to ask Kurloz to ask his Messiahs to help you out with the task at hand. You had never really believed in them before, but you would try anything that could save your friends.
Slowly but surely, your power doubled twofold, and then doubled again. You were dealing out a large amount of damage, still trying to force more into it, your eyes burned, your muscles ached all over, and there was a hammering in the back of your head that only intensified. Your blood-pump was working in overdrive. Looking at this darkness you were facing, you were pretty convinced you were going to die. How would you manage to survive? But, the thought of death wasn’t frightening to you; you had decided that upon the first glimpse of this vision. As long as she was okay. As long as Kurloz and Latula were okay, death didn’t seem so bad, but you couldn’t leave them without some form of closure, and with the way your nerves seemed to be shutting down, it wouldn’t be long until you met your end.
“I..I don’t know…h-how much longer I can stand this!” you called out to Kurloz, who glanced up from his praying to look at you, finally realizing why you had brought him—not to combat this entity, but as someone to record your final words to pass them onto Latula and the others. Speech though, was becoming increasingly difficult, so you would have to keep this quick. “My powers…they’re burning..aggh...it hurts...so much…I-I’ve never felt this before…I can defeat it though…I will defeat it…I…I don’t know…what w—will happen to me though…once I do…but…tell her…tell Latula I love her….and and….tell them…tell them this. I’m SORRY I wasn’t good enough…tell them I’m sorry for whatever happens to me…I’m just…I’m sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so, so SORRY!” you called out...
It was the last thing you remember before your hearing faded, and all you saw was pure red and blue before you fell to the ground in a crumpled heap and saw nothing at all.
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Comments: 18
ProblemChild55 In reply to bonegirl3 [2014-03-08 01:03:16 +0000 UTC]
well since it was quite well recieved on here and archive of our own for a first attempt, sure! I'll try to put it on my fanfic schedule
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
awsomeprussialover [2014-03-01 21:04:06 +0000 UTC]
god damn feels ;-;.
you did a great job.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
wildewriter99 [2014-03-01 13:36:47 +0000 UTC]
ALL OF MY FEEEEELZ!!! XD
This was really well written, especially the descriptions of when Mituna was fighting off the darkness. That was INTENSE .
There were just two little issues I noticed. 1. Make sure your using the right verb tense. I saw it would change in some sentences. Like here: "And your life is well, perfect" is present tense. And here: "You had the most radical of matesprits you could ever ask for, as well as a moirail who only made it better." is past tense. Since this is a flashback, this should all be past tense.
2. Run-on sentences. HOLY COW . I tend to do run-on sentences myself, but WOW XD. I'm not trying to make fun of you or anything but there are A LOT of run-on sentences, especially near the end when Mituna is fighting off the darkness. Some writers, during intense sequences, choose to make their sentences longer in order to stretch the urgency of the sequences. Others make their sentences shorter and more abrupt. My point here is that this, though, is just TOO long...
"You could tell he was concerned, that you weren't making things up out of the blue, but you also knew he didn’t believe you completely either, but he had said he’d be there for anything important to his palest bro, it brought a slight smile to your lips that his word was true, as you stood in the exact place the nightmares you’d spoke of for gog only knows how long, it being the only comfort among the twisting panic in your stomach as the darkness drew near, you didn’t know what it was, or what was in it to be exact, but whatever it was, unless it was stopped, everyone was doomed."
I mean, you could probably chop this into four or five sentences. There are a few other run-ons that are less monumental than that one, but yeah. Make sure to do a quick once-over before you submit, and knock-out any grammar mistakes you see. It's a common mistake, don't worry XDXD.
Other than that, I really really liked this and you captured Mituna's personality so well!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ProblemChild55 In reply to wildewriter99 [2014-03-01 19:40:59 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so much!
haha...i know I have a run-on tenancy...I submitted an essay for AP english and had a 3 paragraph sentence
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
wildewriter99 In reply to ProblemChild55 [2014-03-01 20:50:16 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome
O_____O I'm not even sure how that's possible, but I'll take your word for it XDXD.
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spiral-ilusion [2014-03-01 03:17:22 +0000 UTC]
oh. mai. god.
tuna~! ;n;
I'm sorry that i can't do anything but read to see how everything quickly unravels into a vanishing with the wind pile of dust before my eyes.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ProblemChild55 In reply to spiral-ilusion [2014-03-01 03:20:49 +0000 UTC]
It might get happier?
I dunno...should I keep it a one shot or add on?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
spiral-ilusion In reply to ProblemChild55 [2014-03-01 14:03:43 +0000 UTC]
well, i dont know. how do u want this to end?
the tuna we all have come to know who falls down alot?
or a half conscious one?
oooor something else?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ProblemChild55 In reply to spiral-ilusion [2014-03-01 19:30:31 +0000 UTC]
I was thinking about expanding upon how Mituna copes with the brain damage he suffers and how his relationships are affected, like (my headcanon was he was friends with Cronus before hand...like the My Old Friend video) and how his relationships with Latula and Kurloz are still strong, despite newfound difficulty
or , on the other hand i could expand upon the broken aspect of the dancestor's session and write little things like these about the downfall of all the trolls (like Damara being pushed too far, etc)
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spiral-ilusion In reply to ProblemChild55 [2014-03-03 15:46:39 +0000 UTC]
ooooooh, o.o
i like the first option. :3
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
RaineKay [2014-03-01 03:07:13 +0000 UTC]
Well... This was fantastic.
A pristine reflection of Mituna's experience.
//Brought tears to my eyes.
I applaud you on your magnificent piece.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ProblemChild55 In reply to RaineKay [2014-03-01 03:19:03 +0000 UTC]
Thank you!
And thank you for the watch as well!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1








