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Prosaic-Scriptor — Deep
Published: 2009-03-17 03:22:39 +0000 UTC; Views: 157; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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Description
"You're so deep,"She mumbles
through half-swallowed
verbs and a thoughtful adjective.
Yes.
I am deep like the ocean,
deep like your eyes,
bottomless like Shakespeare
and empty as goodbye.
Sweet sorrow lingers slowly,
and the wound you cut was wide,
but I am deep
and the tide will carry off
the blood-taint.
Yes.
I am deep like
your mother's sigh,
that ex-lover's smile;
meaningful like the half-dragged
cigarette tumbled through
ashes of ashes
and smelling of a bachelor pad.
Yes.
Deep as the moon in
your throat when
you sing,
daunting as the climb
to the top of your mind.
Yes.
I am deep.
Because life is as shallow
as your breath when I'm near,
and I stay low to
catch your footfalls,
to bring back a tattered adverb
you dropped when your English teacher told you
No.
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Comments: 4
I am deep like the ocean,
deep like your eyes,
bottomless like Shakespeare
and empty as goodbye.
I like that!
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Thank you, I'm so glad you did!
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I got a weird, conflicted feeling from this.
The first stanza makes it seem like She didn't really say, "You're so deep," but that He just interpreted it that way; maybe she was trying too hard and talking too much, and he simplified whatever metaphorical point she was trying to get across as, "You're so deep."
And the in-betweens are also befuddling. "Yes," and then a flurry of descriptions--some of them, admittedly, cliche, which makes Him come off as pretentious and the whole emotion of the poem is ruined. Be sure to not make your Speaker any wiser/smarter/etc than yourself.
Maybe He was so lost in her beauty/ecstacy/love that he could only say, "Yes," as a sigh before lamenting His obviously painful love of Her. Or maybe just infatuation. Maybe He's a fool.
(I don't even know. This was kind of a mindfuck.)
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Mmm, yes, I see where you're coming from. In reality, this poem was just a mindfuck as well. 
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