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Prosaic-Scriptor — ERG
Published: 2009-11-20 04:23:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 280; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 8
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Description
whoosh. whoosh.fan accelerates.
droplets of sweat form damp necklaces around shining
necks, gripping the tiny hairs till gravity
shoves them down shirts,
till GPS fails and it is unknown territory
man and machine.
glued together by sticky, salty residue,
they tangle in a twisted, painful dance,
full of torture, and indifference, and hurt.
and agony.
there are little digits on a tiny screen.
they meant something once, but have morphed
into taunting, battery-powered slave drivers,
killing with its incredible power over minds.
legs are curling like shredded onion in the heat,
and they steam in the cold air
wouldyoulikesomefreshhuman?
arms feel atrophied, muscles are disengaged from all mental doings;
but there are none.
blank space fills the head,
interrupted by raking
stabs of pain,
short, pained breath,
and the feeling of impending asphyxiation -
the throat closes like that of a predatory plant,
sucking and sucking for that morsel of food; energy...
no energy anymore. only drive,
pure mental blankness.
legs move. arms move.
the seat squeaks.
the handle slips from liquid palms.
slight pause as oxygen struggles to stutter
through his burnt, fire-filled lungs.
one breath. two...
he collapses, body crumpling
like delicate origami, cramped
and overworked.
K.O.
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Comments: 2
I agree. It's hell on earth. But it's such good training :/ this is exactly how I felt this morning, I majorly sympathise!
Even though it's not written to please - I think it's really well done, the imagery is fantastic and the short sentences really work to make it feel as though the reader is there struggling for breath with the athlete. And actually even though it normally really annoys me, I like the no capitalisation.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks for the feedback, I'm glad you enjoyed. I figured that there was such a small percentage of people who might understand this, but I wasn't feeling happy when I wrote it.
Glad you enjoyed.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0