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Prosaic-Scriptor — price of immunity
Published: 2009-03-05 04:13:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 123; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description
bitter words drop like acid,hissing and bubbling when they connect.
they are not daggers.
your words spread like poison,
and it infects me quickly.
into the bloodstream
(blood streams)
i wish you could see it.
i've prodded a sleeping cheetah
and i tried to run from wrath
but i am no gazelle.
my speed is no match for your hurt.
could it be your own poison curdled your eyes?
for i know them to be blind.
i never gave you my heart.
(i thought about it)
but i carved out my eyes so i could be blind like you,
so we could live in a colorless world together.
we are like the garter snake
and the newt.
you show me your belly
but time and time again
i ignore the poison signs
and swallow you
just to be closer.
your venom hurts me, friend.
poison enough to kill anyone else
but me.
i am immune,
(friend?)
but just because i don't die
doesn't mean i don't feel pain.
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Comments: 4
I'm sorry about the trouble with your friend. That's so hard. I hope you're all right.
As far as the poem, you might consider dropping the first verse. I think it would be stronger if it started with "bitter words"; that way, the reader can remember bitter words of his or her own and thus take the poem more personally.
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Yeah, I'm good.
After I'd written it, I looked it over and seriously considered taking it out. I think you're right on all accounts. 
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This is a very emotive poem with a lot of expression in it. I can feel the pain in it and I think that you did a nice job with it!
I'm sorry for your bad experience!
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Thank you! And, well... it happens.
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