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Pyrexea — grey
Published: 2006-01-24 00:15:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 97; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description
All that I believed inAll has turned to grey
All that I put trust in
All has lost its way
The sky has turned to grey
I have lost the road
My mind begins to fray
Feelings never showed
They say that with pain
The words will flow
But its not the same
They seem to say no
After the endless day is done
It wont be me that will have sung
I won't have played the game and won
Something will have stirred, changed the sum
clouded minds
chasing signs
look behind
nil to find
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Comments: 8
coolies.
well =w-o-l-d-o may not b able to critique poetry, but i can.
since u havn't sed 'no bad comments aloud' i guess i'll hav2 say something.
its pretty, but u havn't kept the same ryhme thingy the whole way thru..
like first u rhyme every 1st and 3rd and 2nd and 4th
then and on the 3rd and 4th stanza u made all the lines rhyme..
neway, if its meant to b that way then cool. it still sounds good.
but yeh.
nice concept.
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I dont really like keeping the rhyming patterns consistent. I feel that it doesnt add to the poem like a inconsistent one can. but then I am an absurdist at heart
thanks for the comment and feedback
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okay, all good points.
its okay, i like giving comments and feedback
ha.
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Well I can't critique poetry but I can say the it rymnes
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