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Pyroclasticataclysm — Motion to Extend
Published: 2007-04-07 21:38:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 93; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description
Motion to ExtendHer face; a furnace without compassion
Her erect nipples test the durability of high gloss polyester
Three hours solid hissing in revolutions
The board room table is showing signs of taking to root
In a moment I will plant her upon it
I will tear her open like Christmas morning
We will see how this perspiration soaked necktie feels around her throat
Is it water on a grease fire?
Is it reins on a hand grenade?
What it is, is a sunrise
It’s the rising tide
It’s a blood pressure spike
By a weathervane during a hurricane
It’s a law suit
And I haven’t lost a case yet
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Comments: 4
i like this one a lot. i like the metaphors youve used, and the related imagery. a couple of things:
"erect nipples" is a little jarring, especially at the beginning of the piece. it makes you not know what to expect from the rest of it. which might be intentional. its not bad, it just catches your attention [much like them in real life.]
the onlt think i think i would change is the beginning of the last line "but". i think it works against the law suit idea, weakens it. maybe i would put "and i haven't lost a case yet." because this makes the line more sure-of-itself.
also - it's usually very hard to put a question in a poem. youve done it here with grace and finesse. i applaud you on that.
another great read.
happy writing.
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I concur!
I bit of lyposuction and viola.
The but is removed
and replaced with an and.
Good eye. It makes a difference. Thank you.
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So very arousing, and intriguing. Your words painted a picture like Picasso.
I've noticed you can say so much with so little, I'm slightly jealous.
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