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QuiEstInLiteris — Judge Not - Chapter 1
Published: 2011-04-06 19:21:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 2846; Favourites: 34; Downloads: 19
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Description The sky grew dark, gestating a winter monster nourished by a cold northerly gale. The first stinging flakes, tiny needles of ice driven almost horizontally by the bitter blasts, whisked across the cracked asphalt and clung to the clumps of parched dead grass that lined the lonely road. The clouds, pregnant and writhing, bulged downward and in a great final heave gave birth to a howling whiteout.

Far below, a tiny convoy struggled north against the wind, racing the growth of the snow banks that soon would strand it. In the lead, a decades-old green Lincoln Continental ploughed stoically onward, its windscreen wipers battling furiously against the snow. It was followed by an articulated lorry, its trailer marked "Anderson and Sons Logistics: Texas' Best Movers!"

Together, the two plodded on up the road toward the dearly-desired terminus of their interminable journey, the end of a seventeen hour drive.

A stile loomed up suddenly in the road, forcing the saloon to brake hard, then swerve to avoid being butted by the lorry. A hard squint through the swirling white revealed a frozen pond to the left, and so the Continental turned right, exchanging the frozen asphalt for a vast expanse of loose gravel, pocked with slush-filled craters but at least free of the treachery of black ice. The car lurched and bumped, swaying from side to side along the pitted path, more cattle trail than road by now, until it came to another stretch of tarmac beyond which rose the first few buildings, snow-encrusted outliers of the hidden town beyond:

CITY LIMIT
CARON CITY
Pop. 2,315

Beneath the city limit sign was another, hand-made of plywood and peeling around the edges, that cheerfully proclaimed a welcome from the local chapter of the Future Farmers of America.

The convoy turned and turned again, circling the sad yellow brick courthouse that squatted toad-like in the centre block of the quaint little town square, guarded by a platoon of bare, skeletal oak trees and a small copse of squad cars, huddled together against the cold in the tiny car park.

They passed Phelps' Grocer, which stands beside Phelps' Deli, which stands beside Phelps' Electronics. They passed Einstein's Salon, which had been named after its first owner a good ten years before the mussed mathematician became famous, its windows darkened but its sign highly visible, sporting a caricature of the mussed mathematician in hair curlers. They passed Barrett's Consignment and the Magpie's Nest, an antiques and curiosity shop that boasted the entire Beanie Babies collection in the front window, arranged artistically on a broken rocking chair, a scuffed-up armoire, and a rusted Radio Flyer wagon.

Of all the buildings on the square, only Miz Leanne's Ribs 'n' Burgers was open, a neon-lit bastion of humanity in the midst of nature's onslaught. The Continental and lorry continued on past, turning from Dooley onto Van Winkle, unnoticed by Miz Leanne's shivering patrons. The two vehicles proceeded past the high school, the elementary and the junior high, and into the residential area. They ploughed down Macgregor and turned onto Cypress, then onto Mulberry and down to the cul-de-sac. The juggernaut stopped on the street, the scream of its brake lost in the wind's deafening fury, and the Continental rolled on up the driveway and into the garage of the empty bungalow at the end.

Two men, heavily muffled in scarves and wool hats, got out of the lorry and began unloading through the snow. First out was an upright piano wrapped in plastic, then a bookcase, then a big wooden desk in pieces. Four hours later, they packed up and disappeared back into the storm. Within twenty minutes, there was no trace of their tracks.

Mrs. Montcrief pulled her head back from the window and called Mrs. Simmons, who in turn called Ms. Greer, Mrs. Lyle, and Mrs. O'Toole. By eight o'clock that night, half of Caron City knew that there was a stranger in town. By eight o'clock the next night, rumour had transformed the new person into a whole spectrum of characters, from an evangelical preacher to a professional photographer, but by the end of the week, when the stranger had failed to appear even once, the stories began to die.
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Comments: 62

QuiEstInLiteris In reply to ??? [2011-06-29 02:18:14 +0000 UTC]

xD I'll try not to freak. I just wondered whether you thought they were the wrong words to use.

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JhenrhiIda In reply to QuiEstInLiteris [2011-06-29 02:29:16 +0000 UTC]

Once I looked them up they were fine. I just never saw those words before.

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ginger-bizkit [2011-06-16 20:04:09 +0000 UTC]

I've saved this chapter so that can start reading your work properly. Started on Chapter 10 and loved what I found!

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QuiEstInLiteris In reply to ginger-bizkit [2011-06-16 20:17:39 +0000 UTC]

I'm so very glad you like it! I hope you enjoy the rest equally well.
I should warn you, though, that the first 4-5 chapters are rather old and have not undergone the revision the rest of them have, so they might not measure up.

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UncolaMan In reply to ??? [2011-06-02 04:44:28 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful use of language! It was very fun to read. The only thing I would change is the use of the word "lead" which I immediately mistook for its homograph, breaking the flow for me, even though the alternative interpretation would be totally illogical.

Thanks for selling me a llama, by the way.

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QuiEstInLiteris In reply to UncolaMan [2011-06-02 16:30:58 +0000 UTC]

Hmm. I'll see if I can find another way of putting that. Being in a heavy metal really doesn't make sense there. xP

And you're welcome, by the way! ^^

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Panthershade [2011-06-01 22:19:02 +0000 UTC]

Glad I decided to read this. You captured small town well! (I live in a small town myself) Very good descriptions since i read the comments there is not much I can add.

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QuiEstInLiteris In reply to Panthershade [2011-06-01 22:23:27 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I've lived in small towns for most of my life, and I thought they needed more attention in literature. ^^

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Panthershade In reply to QuiEstInLiteris [2011-06-01 22:33:13 +0000 UTC]

They do! Haha

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safia3 In reply to ??? [2011-04-07 15:06:40 +0000 UTC]

Your first chapter wasn't your best chapter, perhaps because it was more description than action and the reader doesn't have a clue where it's going to start, but it set up the town a real feel for the town that you almost completely miss out on here. It was like describing a pond, and then the last paragraph was you tossing in the bait on a hook, all shiny and wiggly, that catches your eye and makes you turn the page.

But...The first sentence you have here is almost put offish - "gestating a winter monster nourished by a cold northerly umbilicus" - is not doing you the favor you think it is. And that extends to that entire paragraph. Just be careful about straying too far from simplicity. Just my personal opinion, but I think your original first chapter was a far better read than this and much more intriguing the way you had it.

If you want to shorten/edit it, yeah, the Phelp's bro's descriptions could come out, or at least little things like the one having his teeth on the counter, but...the fact that I would even still remember that tidbit means it imprinted a picture. Withholding the stranger until the tail end of the chapter had a different feel to it than this. Putting town and convoy together at the same time somehow seems to detract from each, in my opinion.

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QuiEstInLiteris In reply to safia3 [2011-04-07 22:50:59 +0000 UTC]

I had gotten a lot of negative feedback about the first chapter, mainly circling around my blatant disregard for the "Show, don't tell" rule. I liked the description, but there was no character to be developed and no motion, just sort of a bird's-eye-view that doesn't become as necessary when the character of the town comes out fairly well in later chapters. Nothing really happens, I guess was the main complaint. Plus the stranger is supposed to be the main topic, and should crop up earlier than he did.

^Justification.
vOther stuff

I appreciate the feedback, and since the whole thing is still a work in progress, I'll definitely see if I can't figure out a way to put back more of the small-town feel. Aaaand a way to tone down that first paragraph, which when reread at a more reasonable hour and with a more sober brain does sound revoltingly audacious. .__. Dear me...

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