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Description
Okay, so...let's begin!

The year was 1981, and Nintendo was on its last legs. While successful at making trading cards and toys, they were doing very lousy in the video games business. They tried to make a Popeye game, but copyright issues stopped them.

Then, they got an idea. They changed Popeye, Bluto, and Olive Oyl into Jumpman, Donkey Kong, and Lady Pauline. They had created the most innovative game of the early '80s, Donkey Kong!

The role of the game was simple: Get to the top of the construction site and save Pauline while avoiding getting killed by Donkey Kong's barrels. It also introduced one game-changing element: GRAVITY!

Soon, Donkey Kong spawned a bunch of sequels, including Donkey Kong II, and Donkey Kong, Jr. (where Mario finally got his name, and his only role as the antagonist), Donkey Kong Circus, various Donkey Kong Country games, the Mario vs Donkey Kong series...and...Donkey Kong, Jr. math.

Yeah...

After Donkey Kong, Jr., Mario got his own series of games, starting with Mario's Cement Factory and Mario's Bombs Away...suggesting that Mario was a soldier in Vietnam. Good to now that Mario fought for our country, I guess?

Then came Mario Bros.! No, not Super Mario Bros., just Mario Bros., which brought Mario's grouchy brother, Luigi! The goal was simple: the two brothers would have to kill pests living in the sewers of Brooklyn, New York...by hitting them from below and kicking them.

Then came Punch Ball Mario Bros., and then Hudson Soft's first agreement with Nintendo to make Mario Bros. Special. This would not be Hudson Soft's last agreement with Nintendo either. Mario Party

Then came Wrecking Crew, the first and only Mario game with custom levels (well, at least until Mario Maker comes out).

Then came the one that I'm sure you were all waiting for: Super Mario Bros.! It was the most innovative game of 1985, not just changing the Mario series' dynamics, but also changing the world of platformers forever AND video games in general! Side-scrolling! Colored backgrounds! Power-ups! Stompable enemies! OH YEAH!

Of course, now all "modern" and "cool" gamers say this game is...old-hat.

Then came Super Mario Bros. Special and All Night Nippon Super Mario Bros., where you get to...kill Japanese radio personalities.

Then there was Super Mario Bros. 2: The Lost Levels, which was basically a modification of Super Mario Bros. but with slightly better graphics, a wind mechanic, altered Luigi abilities, and poisonous mushrooms. Innovative, but not very popular.

After that came the first 3D Mario game, and the first Mario racing game! No, not Super Mario 64 or Super Mario Kart, I'm talking about Famicom Grand Prix and its' sequel.

Then came our Super Mario Bros. 2, which in Japan is called Super Mario USA...which was nothing more than Doki Doki Panic with Mario-related items and characters in it. It still changed the Mario dynamic, right?

Then there's I Am a Teacher: Super Mario Sweater, where you got to make a sweater on the NES!...I mean Famicom. It's only available in Japan.

Then, in 1988 (1990 in the USA) came...Super Mario Bros. 3! An incredibly innovative game, adding many new features to the series! Raccoon, tanuki, frog, Hammer Bros. suits! Tons of new enemies! A map for you to select your levels! The best graphics and music that the NES could offer!

After that Mario entered the GameBoy with Super Mario Land...2D. Now we have Daisy on the scene...and some sort of weird, alien thing. Tatanga, when are you coming back?

The three Mario cartoons popped up around that time...they were...not that great. And this wasn't their first OR last appearance in TV or movies...there was the Saturday Supercade, The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach, the three Mario animes, and Super Mario Bros.: The Movie!...................well, I though it was good. Still don't see why everyone else hates it.

There were also the Mario comics, including Nintendo Comics System, the German Club Nintendo comics, and the Super Mario Kun manga series...the only one of the three to survive.

Dr. Mario brought Mario into the nineties, as a...pharmacist-virologist...whatever. It's still a good game.

And then...Super Mario World! 2D again. This brought Mario from 8-bit into 16-bit! It brought in Yoshi, and a wide variety of new enemies into the game! Sure, the powerups were not as varied as in Mario 3, and FRUSTRATINGLY DIFFICULT TO USE, but it was still incredible! My favorite of the whole series!

Then came Super Mario Bros. and Friends: When I Grow Up...which was pretty much a Mario coloring book for the Super NES, and the better Mario Paint. Then came, Yoshi, a puzzle game for the NES, as well as the Yoshi's Cookie series! Graphical limitations, my @$$.

Then...Mario Teaches Typing. I can understand that they'd make a Mario typing game, but why, why in the world would they make a freaking sequel to it?

There's Super Mario Kart, then Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins, which brought in WARIO! Then Mario is Missing (not the porno game ), in which you play as Lui...weew...

WEEGEE?

...uhh...Luigi, searching around the globe for Malleo. Err, Mario.

Then there's Yoshi's Safari, the only first-person shooter Mario to ever exist. Not counting fangames, of course.

Mario's Time Machine set Mario back by about 3 years, but Super Mario All-Stars created a...remake...of the first four Super Marios.

Then there's Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3, Wario's Woods, and...Hotel Mario, where the main goal was to...close doors. Yeah, that's pretty much it...closing doors. No wonder Nintendo pretends this game doesn't exist.

After that, there was Mario's Picross, then Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island! An enjoyable game featuring the baby Mario Bros...this time without mustaches.

Super Mario RPG paved way for the later Mario RPGs, and then came the first truly 3D Mario, Super Mario 64! It took full advantage of its abilities, and created one the best games of the series!...even if Mario looked like he was made of papier-mache...

Then came Mario Kart 64, Excitebike Bun Bun Mario...Watchamacallit...( What is this?!), Yoshi's Story, Wrecking Crew '98, Mario Golf and its sequels, Mario Tennis (which brought everyone's favorite purple-clad, anorexic, coneheaded doppelganger, WALUIGI! ), Mario Party 1, 2, 3, 4, Advance, 5, 6, 7... DS... 8... 9...Island Tour... 10...275,567,853...HOW MANY OF THESE GAMES ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE?!

Then there's Paper Mario and its three sequels, Super Mario Advance and its sequels, Luigi's Mansion, Mario Kart: Super Circuit, Super Mario Sunshine (the most controversial video game ever), Wario Ware, Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, Mario Kart: Double Dash, Super Mario 64 DS, Mario Kart DS, Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time, various Mario sports games, and then...New Super Mario Bros.! Not Super Mario Bros., New Super Mario Bros.! Don't forget that, okay?

2007 brought us Super Mario Galaxy, the best Mario game since 64, and it brought Mario into space for the first time! ...in fifteen years.

After that, came Mario Kart Wii, Mario Super Sluggers ( ), Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, then New Super Mario Bros. Wii! Remember, not Super Mario Bros. Wii, but New... Aw, screw it...

Super Mario Galaxy 2 brought Mario into the 2010s, and then came Mario Sports Mix, and Super Mario 3D Land...not a big fan of that game, but at least we have Tanuki Mario and Boom Boom back.

Mario Kart 7 came shortly after, then New Super Mario Bros. U... ...shut up, Hotel Mario... and 2...

I wonder if they're going to make a New Super Mario Bros. U2?

I thought I told you to get out!

Then came Super Mario 3D World, which revived the series, and then Mario Kart 8, which was arguably the best of the Mario kart games since the original! So, here's to another 34 years of Mario!

I did this out of boredom.

Description
Okay, so...let's begin!

The year was 1981, and Nintendo was on its last legs. While successful at making trading cards and toys, they were doing very lousy in the video games business. They tried to make a Popeye game, but copyright issues stopped them.

Then, they got an idea. They changed Popeye, Bluto, and Olive Oyl into Jumpman, Donkey Kong, and Lady Pauline. They had created the most innovative game of the early '80s, Donkey Kong!

The role of the game was simple: Get to the top of the construction site and save Pauline while avoiding getting killed by Donkey Kong's barrels. It also introduced one game-changing element: GRAVITY!

Soon, Donkey Kong spawned a bunch of sequels, including Donkey Kong II, and Donkey Kong, Jr. (where Mario finally got his name, and his only role as the antagonist), Donkey Kong Circus, various Donkey Kong Country games, the Mario vs Donkey Kong series...and...Donkey Kong, Jr. math.

Yeah...

After Donkey Kong, Jr., Mario got his own series of games, starting with Mario's Cement Factory and Mario's Bombs Away...suggesting that Mario was a soldier in Vietnam. Good to now that Mario fought for our country, I guess?

Then came Mario Bros.! No, not Super Mario Bros., just Mario Bros., which brought Mario's grouchy brother, Luigi! The goal was simple: the two brothers would have to kill pests living in the sewers of Brooklyn, New York...by hitting them from below and kicking them.

Then came Punch Ball Mario Bros., and then Hudson Soft's first agreement with Nintendo to make Mario Bros. Special. This would not be Hudson Soft's last agreement with Nintendo either. Mario Party

Then came Wrecking Crew, the first and only Mario game with custom levels (well, at least until Mario Maker comes out).

Then came the one that I'm sure you were all waiting for: Super Mario Bros.! It was the most innovative game of 1985, not just changing the Mario series' dynamics, but also changing the world of platformers forever AND video games in general! Side-scrolling! Colored backgrounds! Power-ups! Stompable enemies! OH YEAH!

Of course, now all "modern" and "cool" gamers say this game is...old-hat.

Then came Super Mario Bros. Special and All Night Nippon Super Mario Bros., where you get to...kill Japanese radio personalities.

Then there was Super Mario Bros. 2: The Lost Levels, which was basically a modification of Super Mario Bros. but with slightly better graphics, a wind mechanic, altered Luigi abilities, and poisonous mushrooms. Innovative, but not very popular.

After that came the first 3D Mario game, and the first Mario racing game! No, not Super Mario 64 or Super Mario Kart, I'm talking about Famicom Grand Prix and its' sequel.

Then came our Super Mario Bros. 2, which in Japan is called Super Mario USA...which was nothing more than Doki Doki Panic with Mario-related items and characters in it. It still changed the Mario dynamic, right?

Then there's I Am a Teacher: Super Mario Sweater, where you got to make a sweater on the NES!...I mean Famicom. It's only available in Japan.

Then, in 1988 (1990 in the USA) came...Super Mario Bros. 3! An incredibly innovative game, adding many new features to the series! Raccoon, tanuki, frog, Hammer Bros. suits! Tons of new enemies! A map for you to select your levels! The best graphics and music that the NES could offer!

After that Mario entered the GameBoy with Super Mario Land...2D. Now we have Daisy on the scene...and some sort of weird, alien thing. Tatanga, when are you coming back?

The three Mario cartoons popped up around that time...they were...not that great. And this wasn't their first OR last appearance in TV or movies...there was the Saturday Supercade, The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach, the three Mario animes, and Super Mario Bros.: The Movie!...................well, I though it was good. Still don't see why everyone else hates it.

There were also the Mario comics, including Nintendo Comics System, the German Club Nintendo comics, and the Super Mario Kun manga series...the only one of the three to survive.

Dr. Mario brought Mario into the nineties, as a...pharmacist-virologist...whatever. It's still a good game.

And then...Super Mario World! 2D again. This brought Mario from 8-bit into 16-bit! It brought in Yoshi, and a wide variety of new enemies into the game! Sure, the powerups were not as varied as in Mario 3, and FRUSTRATINGLY DIFFICULT TO USE, but it was still incredible! My favorite of the whole series!

Then came Super Mario Bros. and Friends: When I Grow Up...which was pretty much a Mario coloring book for the Super NES, and the better Mario Paint. Then came, Yoshi, a puzzle game for the NES, as well as the Yoshi's Cookie series! Graphical limitations, my @$$.

Then...Mario Teaches Typing. I can understand that they'd make a Mario typing game, but why, why in the world would they make a freaking sequel to it?

There's Super Mario Kart, then Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins, which brought in WARIO! Then Mario is Missing (not the porno game ), in which you play as Lui...weew...

WEEGEE?

...uhh...Luigi, searching around the globe for Malleo. Err, Mario.

Then there's Yoshi's Safari, the only first-person shooter Mario to ever exist. Not counting fangames, of course.

Mario's Time Machine set Mario back by about 3 years, but Super Mario All-Stars created a...remake...of the first four Super Marios.

Then there's Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3, Wario's Woods, and...Hotel Mario, where the main goal was to...close doors. Yeah, that's pretty much it...closing doors. No wonder Nintendo pretends this game doesn't exist.

After that, there was Mario's Picross, then Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island! An enjoyable game featuring the baby Mario Bros...this time without mustaches.

Super Mario RPG paved way for the later Mario RPGs, and then came the first truly 3D Mario, Super Mario 64! It took full advantage of its abilities, and created one the best games of the series!...even if Mario looked like he was made of papier-mache...

Then came Mario Kart 64, Excitebike Bun Bun Mario...Watchamacallit...( What is this?!), Yoshi's Story, Wrecking Crew '98, Mario Golf and its sequels, Mario Tennis (which brought everyone's favorite purple-clad, anorexic, coneheaded doppelganger, WALUIGI! ), Mario Party 1, 2, 3, 4, Advance, 5, 6, 7... DS... 8... 9...Island Tour... 10...275,567,853...HOW MANY OF THESE GAMES ARE THEY GOING TO MAKE?!

Then there's Paper Mario and its three sequels, Super Mario Advance and its sequels, Luigi's Mansion, Mario Kart: Super Circuit, Super Mario Sunshine (the most controversial video game ever), Wario Ware, Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, Mario Kart: Double Dash, Super Mario 64 DS, Mario Kart DS, Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time, various Mario sports games, and then...New Super Mario Bros.! Not Super Mario Bros., New Super Mario Bros.! Don't forget that, okay?

2007 brought us Super Mario Galaxy, the best Mario game since 64, and it brought Mario into space for the first time! ...in fifteen years.

After that, came Mario Kart Wii, Mario Super Sluggers ( ), Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story, then New Super Mario Bros. Wii! Remember, not Super Mario Bros. Wii, but New... Aw, screw it...

Super Mario Galaxy 2 brought Mario into the 2010s, and then came Mario Sports Mix, and Super Mario 3D Land...not a big fan of that game, but at least we have Tanuki Mario and Boom Boom back.

Mario Kart 7 came shortly after, then New Super Mario Bros. U... ...shut up, Hotel Mario... and 2...

I wonder if they're going to make a New Super Mario Bros. U2?

I thought I told you to get out!

Then came Super Mario 3D World, which revived the series, and then Mario Kart 8, which was arguably the best of the Mario kart games since the original! So, here's to another 34 years of Mario!

I did this out of boredom.