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rain-dare — Reparation
#skiddo #shaymin #virizion #talesoftabira
Published: 2016-07-25 03:45:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 2847; Favourites: 78; Downloads: 16
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Description
On Google Drive: hereOn the wiki: TBA
This story was a little challenging, since I wanted the tone to be just right. I feel like I got close, though. Also, it introduces some new characters!
This story was written by me and illustrated by for .
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Comments: 9
Ah, it's been such a long time since I've had the pleasure of reading a Tabiran story written by you. x3
The tone seems to be quite light (in my opinion), and I believe that helped make it easier to digest and analyze what happened, heheh.
I also love Mirya's character, considering she has such a small stature but can be very easily picked out of a crowd, even if the 'mon finding her has no idea what she looks like.
Also, I have a bone to pick with these two particular sentences. ^^" The bolded parts are the, uhm, parts that I have a problem with..
I'm sorry if this inconveniences you or your eye(s?), this is my way of trying not to go insane while being in a country in which the language structure of the main spoken language is the complete opposite of English. ^^"
“Alright!” Mirya hopped off of Cerise’s head and ran into the crowd. “I don’t know any of you, but if you tell us what you know, we might explain. Let’s go, Cerise!”
“I am,” Kapon agreed, stroking the fur under his beak. His beak, which quivered as his eyes darted from Pokemon to Pokemon, problem to problem that’d put him in this situation. It was hard not to be angry. “That’ll have to do,” he said, slowly.
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I'm glad Mirya stood out, since I've been attached to her for a while, and I'm doubly glad you enjoyed the story!
The second line you mention was actually one of the few modified in our last pass over! There was an extra comma. If you wouldn't mind elaborating on what bugs you about each line, I'll keep it in mind in the future!
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I'm not entirely sure what really bugs me about each line, but I believe the structure of the sentences make them feel 'incomplete' for me. Sorry if what I said made no sense whatsoever; please feel free to pass over this comment if you'd like. ^^"
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It's fine, I get where you're coming from!
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I like Cerise's design a lot, even more then the official Virizion form! And the fur color of hers is representing spring like Deerlings and Sawsbucks do, right?
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She's actually just shiny. The pink is really nice and Deerling-esque, though.
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Ah, my bad, never saw a shiny Virizion before that's why I assumed that she had a spring fur xD
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Fernfrond village next, huh? Could be interesting, especially since a leafy green jungle would be a completely alien environment to roughly two thirds of my team.
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