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Description
THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE.
Directed by: Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic.
Produced by: Illumination.
Distributed by: Universal Pictures.
Starring: Chris Pratt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Charlie Day, Jack Black, Keegan-Michael Key, Seth Rogen and Fred Armisen.
Based on the long running video game franchise owned by: Nintendo.
Rated: PG (May contain scenes not suitable for small children).

Finally, the unthinkable has happened. The Video Game Movie Curse has officially been broken... Is what I would be saying if it wasn't for Detective Pikachu... And Mortal Kombat (2021)... And Pokemon: The First Movie... And Sonic the Hedgehog... And Sonic the Hedgehog 2... And Wreck-It-Ralph... And the 90s Street Fighter Movie (fuck you, it's legendary).

If you want the incredibly short version, then the Super Mario Bros. Movie is a safe and satisfactory "Alright." Regardless of what I get into with this review, I highly recommend you go and see it and you will have a good time. I'm going to go over some things I didn't like, but they're mostly nitpicks at a solid film. Don't expect me to say something dumb like "WHOY does Moario WYEAR a CAYYYTsuit??" in some high pitched valley girl meets New Yorker accent (Oh we'll get to that in Part 2).

Of course, this isn't Nintendo's first stab at making a feature length movie about their mascot, but that didn't go as planned as many of you already know. I speak of course of the poorly received and underwhelming... Super Mario Bros.: The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach! Oh, and some movie starring Bob Hopkins, but nobody remembers that one.

(Will contain spoilers).
The story is about Mario and Luigi: Two down on their luck plumbers from Brooklyn who aren't seen as anything more than a joke in the eyes of their peers and family. In an attempt to solve a flooding problem in the sewers, they stumble upon a warp pipe that transports Mario to the Mushroom Kingdom, while Luigi lands in the Dark Lands. Mario must overcome his shortcomings and be the hero his brother always believed him to be.

Shigeru Miyamoto (Mario's creator) was heavily involved with the making of this film and it really shows with the lack of plot details. That is basically the film's major flaw in a nutshell: It never slows down to let things breathe or provide more narrative context. I understand that works for Mario games in general -whose plot can be summed up in one sentence on a post-it note- so in that regard it's an incredibly faithful adaptaiton. However, that style doesn't translate well for a big blockbuster film, as we need more than just fight scenes or references. I'm willing to forgive it for this is Nintendo's first big cinema effort, but Mario Bros. 2 (or hopefully a Metroid film) won't get that luxury.

One fear I had going in was the movie would just hide behind a neverending tidal wave of references to the games, but thankfully it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I can accept that game references are not as bad as an infinite number of cringey dad jokes and pop culture references (MCU), but when the movie forces in a Mario Kart segment, I feel somebody should have told Miyamoto to dial it back a bit.

"That's what the SEQUELS are for, your highness!"

I guess what I'm saying is I'd have liked more scenes of the boy's day-to-day lives in Brooklyn. Mario's dad even comments on how his son "quit his job with the Wrecking Crew!" While being a nice call back to the NES era, could I possibly see that in a flashback or something? Could've given the film some narrative context and more scenes with Spike, who was genuinely funny and could've done more.

Watching the brothers do an actual plumbing job was shocking at first, since that rarely happens within the games themselves. The chemistry between Mario and Luigi was incredibly sweet and charming. They had great comedic timing and it's a real shame the movie didn't highlight this further with maybe another failed job that goes horribly wrong for them.

The absolute crime of this movie is separating them near the beginning and the movie truly suffers for it. Luigi is one of the best characters in the movie as his mixture of cowardice and optimism made him really funny and a joy to watch. I didn't know who Charlie Day was before seeing this, but consider me a fan of his work now. While Mario essentially gets the rest of the movie to himself, Luigi gets two killer scenes before spending most of the film in a cage.

I guess Nintendo are still sore about that failed "Year of Luigi" celebration thing.

The introduction of their parents and extended family was a surprise I actually liked. It’s also interesting to see Nintendo go with the cartoon series origin for the characters (plumbers from Brooklyn transported to the Mushroom Kingdom) instead of that weird “star children on Yoshi’s Island” plot. In the games, Mario has the overall personality of a brick -To the point the SMG4 depiction of him is more memorable- so seeing him emote and feel genuine sadness over his dad's disapproval of his plumbing business felt very relatable; so much so that I want more scenes like this in the inevitable sequel.

The movie even addresses the "controversy" of casting Chris Pratt as the titular plumber. His first scene in the movie is a cheesy as hell TV advert for their plumbing services (containing a nice callback to the 80s cartoon show) where Pratt and Day demonstrate they CAN perform a more traditional take on the Mario Bros, before switching to their normal voices for the rest of the film. This is followed with a cameo by Charles Martinet to really help you get used to the voices. I know some people felt they didn't sound very Italian, but I'm pretty sure most New York Italians don't run around saying "Mamma-Mia, that's-a spicy meat-aball!! Let's-a Go and get-a some spaghetti!!" Mind you, I doubt Italians in general sound anything like that.

The character I predicted to be the showstealer was Jack Black's Bowser. While he certainly chews the scenery like a pro, he's barely given any screen time. I could complain that Bowser's written like a modern comic book villain (does nothing important and becomes a joke) but that's pretty inline with games like Paper Mario or Super Mario RPG.

His overall goal hasn't changed much from the games, with the only tweak being he asks Princess Peach to marry him instead of kidnapping her straight away. I like this approach because it meets everyone halfway: It shows Nintendo don't want to continue relegating Peach to damsel in distress, but also honouring the roots of the series in some way. This leads to some of his best scenes, as he and Kamek rehearse the proposal and you can tell Jack enjoyed every second of it.

The "Peaches" song he performs in the movie is amusing, but apart of me wonders what Jack could have done if he went full ham on this bitch. I believe the lyrics were written for him by neither Nintendo or Illumination, and he does well with the material provided, but you know someone is going to make an edit where they swap Peaches for Tenacious D's "Fuck her gently."

Also, dude can play the piano like a pro. Not bad for a turtle monster with four fingers.

I think many of us had this concern that the movie would present Princess Peach (voiced by Anya Taylor-Joy) as another insufferable Jen Eric/GirlBoss character, who embarasses Mario by being better than him at everything. I’m happy to report that isn't the case; with the only times it came close to that would be her taking out the entire wedding guests with an Ice Flower and the obstacle course. However, I'll excuse it for two simple reasons.

1: Princess Peach has been playable in the series since Super Mario Bros 2; LONG before this stupid Jen Eric craze infested Western Media. The games have demonstrated she can access and use nearly all the power ups just as well as Mario or Luigi can.

2: It would make sense that she's got a better understanding of this world as she's been there her entire life. The movie suggests this by having Mario pretty much ace his way around the streets of Brooklyn, but is a fish out of water when he lands in the Mushroom Kingdom. The same sort of thing happens near the end when Peach arrives in Brooklyn and the roles suddenly reverse.

The thing that shatters that entire Jen Eric narrative is the fact they defeat Bowser as a team by using their skills together to save the day. Implying not one person is better than the other, but the rather timeless message of "we can do anything if we work together."

Mind you, if the Internet is to be believed, then the original intent was to have Peach go all 'Brie Larson' by easily defeating Bowser and rescuing Mario. A strong bit of evidence for this was how the marketing only showed Peach looking like an SJW wet dream, while Mario looked bumbling and inept. However, Nintendo laughed at this idea and told Illumination to rewrite the entire script (probably at gunpoint) because this is afterall the Super MARIO BROS. Movie - Not the Princess Peach Movie.

Another bit of evidence to support this theory was during Peach's introduction. Taylor-Joy's delivery of her opening lines felt wooden compared to the rest of her dialogue in the movie; almost like it was a last minute change or she didn't like the idea very much. Considering she went on a self-indulgent rant about her character on the Twatter really adds weight to this.

I like to believe this is the reason for the "critical response" but we can save that for Part 2.

I got into a debate with a friend over DK's inclusion. She felt he needed to be here, as it was important to highlight Mario's earlier gaming career, whereas I felt the movie didn't need him or the Jungle kingdom at all. I would have personally saved him for a sequel, in the same manner they saved Tails and Knuckles for Sonic 2.

If the Internet didn't like Pratt as Mario, then I really didn't like Rogen as Donkey Kong. Yes, he does "that laugh" and just acts like Seth Rogen: An obnoxious twat you pray gets pencilled in for a sudden visit from Mr.X. While the use of the DK Rap was a nice surprise, it's a real shame the creator wasn't properly credited for it. Nintendo has a nasty habit of pulling shit like that (see Metroid Prime Remastered for more details).

Beyond that, the extra characters were either okay or needed more screen time. Keegan-Michael Key's performance as Toad is amusing, Kamek (voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson) made a good underling for Bowser, but the best was the nihilistic Luma that torments everyone with such comments as "There's no escape. The only hope is the sweet relief of death." Kinda hope it returns alongside a stoner chick version of Rosalina in the sequel.

That's all the Nintendo stuff, now I wanna talk about the Illumination aspects. I'll freely admit I don't really watch movies by Illumination, because I refuse to give them the time of day for unleashing those bloody Minions upon the world. Di'Aniss has seen their films and offered this viewpoint.

"They're clearly Gen-Xers writing for normies. They're not quite Boomers, but they're on the cusp. All their films tend to be okay and worth a watch, but the sequel is the same thing again so why did you bother to make it? Plus, they shove random jokes down your throat that it takes away from the story. They're so desperate to be funny that they ruin their own punchlines."

They also don't have major franchises. Dreamworks have Shrek and How to train your Dragon, while Pixar has Toy Story or The Incredibles. Despite Despicable Me, Illumination really has nothing to write home about besides: "Celebrities doing voices: The movie." This being their first huge franchise, how does this studio tackle something like Super Mario?

Animation is okay. It's alright and does the job, but a part of me wonders what this film could have looked like if handled by the team behind Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. The movie handles backgrounds and effects pretty well, but the character models are very lacking and need more polish. I will grant you Peach's facial expressions in this film had more range than the fish lipped dimwit from the games, but even then her movie counterpart needs a bit of work.

It's difficult to put my finger on it, but something about their appearances really didn't fit all that well. The only thing I can think of is I've been so used to seeing Mario and co in a Japanese artstyle for decades, so to see a more Western depiction of these characters took a lot to get used to. The only ones that looked great were Bowser and Donkey Kong, but I think anthropomorphic characters are Illumination's bread and butter.

The soundtrack is one of the best aspects of the entire movie, because the Mario OST (as well as the DK OST) is an all time classic that sounded AMAZING performed by a full orchestra. This made the inclusion of licensed music jarring as why do you need pop songs when the likes of Gusty Garden and the Underground theme are superior. I get this is probably an Illumination thing with their movies, but I can't say we really needed Bonnie Tyler's "Holding out for a hero" for the training montage, when the tutorial theme from Super Smash Bros Melee could have slotted in there quite nicely.

One of the most out of place licensed tracks in the whole movie was A-ha's "Take on me," as this was used to introduce the jungle kingdom. If we had to have a licensed song for this scene, then perhaps a more fitting track would have been "Jungle Love" by Morris Day and the Time. The other oddity was the use of the Kill Bill theme in the opening sequence. When Super Mario Bros. 2 happens, please tone this shit down.

(Conclusion)
The Super Mario Bros. Movie is a good start to a solid film franchise, but it isn't without minor faults. It doesn't push too many narrative boundaries and is probably worth seeing at least once in cinemas. However, it's clear the film gives a shit about the source material and there's plenty of room for expansion.

As a standard movie experience, it's okay. As an adaptation of the Super Mario franchise, then this is probably as good as it's going to get. I feel this is about on par with the first live-action Sonic movie, but Sonic 2 easily edges this out with, of all things, a better story and pacing.

Which leaves us with the critical reception of the film....

Description
THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE.
Directed by: Aaron Horvath and Michael Jelenic.
Produced by: Illumination.
Distributed by: Universal Pictures.
Starring: Chris Pratt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Charlie Day, Jack Black, Keegan-Michael Key, Seth Rogen and Fred Armisen.
Based on the long running video game franchise owned by: Nintendo.
Rated: PG (May contain scenes not suitable for small children).

Finally, the unthinkable has happened. The Video Game Movie Curse has officially been broken... Is what I would be saying if it wasn't for Detective Pikachu... And Mortal Kombat (2021)... And Pokemon: The First Movie... And Sonic the Hedgehog... And Sonic the Hedgehog 2... And Wreck-It-Ralph... And the 90s Street Fighter Movie (fuck you, it's legendary).

If you want the incredibly short version, then the Super Mario Bros. Movie is a safe and satisfactory "Alright." Regardless of what I get into with this review, I highly recommend you go and see it and you will have a good time. I'm going to go over some things I didn't like, but they're mostly nitpicks at a solid film. Don't expect me to say something dumb like "WHOY does Moario WYEAR a CAYYYTsuit??" in some high pitched valley girl meets New Yorker accent (Oh we'll get to that in Part 2).

Of course, this isn't Nintendo's first stab at making a feature length movie about their mascot, but that didn't go as planned as many of you already know. I speak of course of the poorly received and underwhelming... Super Mario Bros.: The Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach! Oh, and some movie starring Bob Hopkins, but nobody remembers that one.

(Will contain spoilers).
The story is about Mario and Luigi: Two down on their luck plumbers from Brooklyn who aren't seen as anything more than a joke in the eyes of their peers and family. In an attempt to solve a flooding problem in the sewers, they stumble upon a warp pipe that transports Mario to the Mushroom Kingdom, while Luigi lands in the Dark Lands. Mario must overcome his shortcomings and be the hero his brother always believed him to be.

Shigeru Miyamoto (Mario's creator) was heavily involved with the making of this film and it really shows with the lack of plot details. That is basically the film's major flaw in a nutshell: It never slows down to let things breathe or provide more narrative context. I understand that works for Mario games in general -whose plot can be summed up in one sentence on a post-it note- so in that regard it's an incredibly faithful adaptaiton. However, that style doesn't translate well for a big blockbuster film, as we need more than just fight scenes or references. I'm willing to forgive it for this is Nintendo's first big cinema effort, but Mario Bros. 2 (or hopefully a Metroid film) won't get that luxury.

One fear I had going in was the movie would just hide behind a neverending tidal wave of references to the games, but thankfully it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I can accept that game references are not as bad as an infinite number of cringey dad jokes and pop culture references (MCU), but when the movie forces in a Mario Kart segment, I feel somebody should have told Miyamoto to dial it back a bit.

"That's what the SEQUELS are for, your highness!"

I guess what I'm saying is I'd have liked more scenes of the boy's day-to-day lives in Brooklyn. Mario's dad even comments on how his son "quit his job with the Wrecking Crew!" While being a nice call back to the NES era, could I possibly see that in a flashback or something? Could've given the film some narrative context and more scenes with Spike, who was genuinely funny and could've done more.

Watching the brothers do an actual plumbing job was shocking at first, since that rarely happens within the games themselves. The chemistry between Mario and Luigi was incredibly sweet and charming. They had great comedic timing and it's a real shame the movie didn't highlight this further with maybe another failed job that goes horribly wrong for them.

The absolute crime of this movie is separating them near the beginning and the movie truly suffers for it. Luigi is one of the best characters in the movie as his mixture of cowardice and optimism made him really funny and a joy to watch. I didn't know who Charlie Day was before seeing this, but consider me a fan of his work now. While Mario essentially gets the rest of the movie to himself, Luigi gets two killer scenes before spending most of the film in a cage.

I guess Nintendo are still sore about that failed "Year of Luigi" celebration thing.

The introduction of their parents and extended family was a surprise I actually liked. It’s also interesting to see Nintendo go with the cartoon series origin for the characters (plumbers from Brooklyn transported to the Mushroom Kingdom) instead of that weird “star children on Yoshi’s Island” plot. In the games, Mario has the overall personality of a brick -To the point the SMG4 depiction of him is more memorable- so seeing him emote and feel genuine sadness over his dad's disapproval of his plumbing business felt very relatable; so much so that I want more scenes like this in the inevitable sequel.

The movie even addresses the "controversy" of casting Chris Pratt as the titular plumber. His first scene in the movie is a cheesy as hell TV advert for their plumbing services (containing a nice callback to the 80s cartoon show) where Pratt and Day demonstrate they CAN perform a more traditional take on the Mario Bros, before switching to their normal voices for the rest of the film. This is followed with a cameo by Charles Martinet to really help you get used to the voices. I know some people felt they didn't sound very Italian, but I'm pretty sure most New York Italians don't run around saying "Mamma-Mia, that's-a spicy meat-aball!! Let's-a Go and get-a some spaghetti!!" Mind you, I doubt Italians in general sound anything like that.

The character I predicted to be the showstealer was Jack Black's Bowser. While he certainly chews the scenery like a pro, he's barely given any screen time. I could complain that Bowser's written like a modern comic book villain (does nothing important and becomes a joke) but that's pretty inline with games like Paper Mario or Super Mario RPG.

His overall goal hasn't changed much from the games, with the only tweak being he asks Princess Peach to marry him instead of kidnapping her straight away. I like this approach because it meets everyone halfway: It shows Nintendo don't want to continue relegating Peach to damsel in distress, but also honouring the roots of the series in some way. This leads to some of his best scenes, as he and Kamek rehearse the proposal and you can tell Jack enjoyed every second of it.

The "Peaches" song he performs in the movie is amusing, but apart of me wonders what Jack could have done if he went full ham on this bitch. I believe the lyrics were written for him by neither Nintendo or Illumination, and he does well with the material provided, but you know someone is going to make an edit where they swap Peaches for Tenacious D's "Fuck her gently."

Also, dude can play the piano like a pro. Not bad for a turtle monster with four fingers.

I think many of us had this concern that the movie would present Princess Peach (voiced by Anya Taylor-Joy) as another insufferable Jen Eric/GirlBoss character, who embarasses Mario by being better than him at everything. I’m happy to report that isn't the case; with the only times it came close to that would be her taking out the entire wedding guests with an Ice Flower and the obstacle course. However, I'll excuse it for two simple reasons.

1: Princess Peach has been playable in the series since Super Mario Bros 2; LONG before this stupid Jen Eric craze infested Western Media. The games have demonstrated she can access and use nearly all the power ups just as well as Mario or Luigi can.

2: It would make sense that she's got a better understanding of this world as she's been there her entire life. The movie suggests this by having Mario pretty much ace his way around the streets of Brooklyn, but is a fish out of water when he lands in the Mushroom Kingdom. The same sort of thing happens near the end when Peach arrives in Brooklyn and the roles suddenly reverse.

The thing that shatters that entire Jen Eric narrative is the fact they defeat Bowser as a team by using their skills together to save the day. Implying not one person is better than the other, but the rather timeless message of "we can do anything if we work together."

Mind you, if the Internet is to be believed, then the original intent was to have Peach go all 'Brie Larson' by easily defeating Bowser and rescuing Mario. A strong bit of evidence for this was how the marketing only showed Peach looking like an SJW wet dream, while Mario looked bumbling and inept. However, Nintendo laughed at this idea and told Illumination to rewrite the entire script (probably at gunpoint) because this is afterall the Super MARIO BROS. Movie - Not the Princess Peach Movie.

Another bit of evidence to support this theory was during Peach's introduction. Taylor-Joy's delivery of her opening lines felt wooden compared to the rest of her dialogue in the movie; almost like it was a last minute change or she didn't like the idea very much. Considering she went on a self-indulgent rant about her character on the Twatter really adds weight to this.

I like to believe this is the reason for the "critical response" but we can save that for Part 2.

I got into a debate with a friend over DK's inclusion. She felt he needed to be here, as it was important to highlight Mario's earlier gaming career, whereas I felt the movie didn't need him or the Jungle kingdom at all. I would have personally saved him for a sequel, in the same manner they saved Tails and Knuckles for Sonic 2.

If the Internet didn't like Pratt as Mario, then I really didn't like Rogen as Donkey Kong. Yes, he does "that laugh" and just acts like Seth Rogen: An obnoxious twat you pray gets pencilled in for a sudden visit from Mr.X. While the use of the DK Rap was a nice surprise, it's a real shame the creator wasn't properly credited for it. Nintendo has a nasty habit of pulling shit like that (see Metroid Prime Remastered for more details).

Beyond that, the extra characters were either okay or needed more screen time. Keegan-Michael Key's performance as Toad is amusing, Kamek (voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson) made a good underling for Bowser, but the best was the nihilistic Luma that torments everyone with such comments as "There's no escape. The only hope is the sweet relief of death." Kinda hope it returns alongside a stoner chick version of Rosalina in the sequel.

That's all the Nintendo stuff, now I wanna talk about the Illumination aspects. I'll freely admit I don't really watch movies by Illumination, because I refuse to give them the time of day for unleashing those bloody Minions upon the world. Di'Aniss has seen their films and offered this viewpoint.

"They're clearly Gen-Xers writing for normies. They're not quite Boomers, but they're on the cusp. All their films tend to be okay and worth a watch, but the sequel is the same thing again so why did you bother to make it? Plus, they shove random jokes down your throat that it takes away from the story. They're so desperate to be funny that they ruin their own punchlines."

They also don't have major franchises. Dreamworks have Shrek and How to train your Dragon, while Pixar has Toy Story or The Incredibles. Despite Despicable Me, Illumination really has nothing to write home about besides: "Celebrities doing voices: The movie." This being their first huge franchise, how does this studio tackle something like Super Mario?

Animation is okay. It's alright and does the job, but a part of me wonders what this film could have looked like if handled by the team behind Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. The movie handles backgrounds and effects pretty well, but the character models are very lacking and need more polish. I will grant you Peach's facial expressions in this film had more range than the fish lipped dimwit from the games, but even then her movie counterpart needs a bit of work.

It's difficult to put my finger on it, but something about their appearances really didn't fit all that well. The only thing I can think of is I've been so used to seeing Mario and co in a Japanese artstyle for decades, so to see a more Western depiction of these characters took a lot to get used to. The only ones that looked great were Bowser and Donkey Kong, but I think anthropomorphic characters are Illumination's bread and butter.

The soundtrack is one of the best aspects of the entire movie, because the Mario OST (as well as the DK OST) is an all time classic that sounded AMAZING performed by a full orchestra. This made the inclusion of licensed music jarring as why do you need pop songs when the likes of Gusty Garden and the Underground theme are superior. I get this is probably an Illumination thing with their movies, but I can't say we really needed Bonnie Tyler's "Holding out for a hero" for the training montage, when the tutorial theme from Super Smash Bros Melee could have slotted in there quite nicely.

One of the most out of place licensed tracks in the whole movie was A-ha's "Take on me," as this was used to introduce the jungle kingdom. If we had to have a licensed song for this scene, then perhaps a more fitting track would have been "Jungle Love" by Morris Day and the Time. The other oddity was the use of the Kill Bill theme in the opening sequence. When Super Mario Bros. 2 happens, please tone this shit down.

(Conclusion)
The Super Mario Bros. Movie is a good start to a solid film franchise, but it isn't without minor faults. It doesn't push too many narrative boundaries and is probably worth seeing at least once in cinemas. However, it's clear the film gives a shit about the source material and there's plenty of room for expansion.

As a standard movie experience, it's okay. As an adaptation of the Super Mario franchise, then this is probably as good as it's going to get. I feel this is about on par with the first live-action Sonic movie, but Sonic 2 easily edges this out with, of all things, a better story and pacing.

Which leaves us with the critical reception of the film....