HOME | DD

Description
Human beings are a fickle bunch.

One minute Star Wars is the punching bag of the industry, now it's on par with Marvel's Cinematic Universe.

Like I said. Fickle.

Allow me to state the following for the record.

I still hold to my belief that Star Wars does NOT need anymore films. I feel the franchise came to a satisfying conclusion that any film continuing the events of Return of the Jedi would have some big shoes to fill and would not be able to live up to those expectations.

Which is the problem The Force Awakens stumbles into.

I will say the movie, on it's best possible day, is an average experience. A basic 3/5 for me and is sandwiched right in the middle of the originals and the prequels in terms of it's level of quality. Certainly not this amazing piece of cinema people quickly proclaimed it to be.

While the Prequels dropped the ball and nobody told George "Hey, this romance angle is worse than DeviantArt fanfiction" it still managed to tell a new story and introduce some very unique characters. Force Awakens main problem is it lacks anything new or original. Here comes that one criticism nobody wants to hear but after watching the movie in question twice, I find myself echoing the thoughts of the few who dare to say it out loud.

"This IS Episode 4 with a new paint job!" Only with slightly shittier acting and a really forgettable antagonist.

If the original films didn't exist, then it would the perfect starting point for a series. However much like Jurassic World, Amazing Spider-Man and other dead franchises cashing in on nostalgia, it basically tells the same movie again with cosmetic changes.

Now we're getting ahead of ourselves. To quote Coldplay for a moment "I'll take you back to the start!"

When it was first announced that Disney had finally wrestled the controls away from George "I know what romance is" Lucas, I was celebrating like everyone else. I was hoping to FINALLY get an unaltered version of the original Star Wars trilogy on DVD at long last.

That announcement never came but Episode 7 was announced instead. A little bummed out, I questioned it for a bit but I was still on board. Then the promise of more "practical effects" kinda missed the mark when the trailers looked faker than a porn star's heaving tits. Slightly getting embittered at this point but I was still on board. Then Disney shut down the expanded Universe and wanted their own Cinematic Universe of the franchise. You know, that one thing I cannot stand that Hollywood is doing at the moment?

It just struck a nerve with me. Shutting down something that fans had invested time, love and energy into in favor of something generic, overdone and to satisfy faceless shareholders. Or the very thing Marvel fans feared when Disney took over the House of M.

I think my exact words to myself were "Oh? Well fuck you too then!!!"

So I decided not to watch the movie and avoid unloading a Sith Lord full of negativity at a movie that may or may not deserve it.

With word that the original trilogy is getting an unaltered DVD release (and the reasons I gave in the journal) I finally sat down and watched the movie far too many people praised as "THE BEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVER!!!!" And to those people I say "Take the nostalgia goggles off!"

But you'll be pleased to know I didn't outright hate this movie, but more to the point I was confused by it. Many people painted very false illusions about it to me that finally watching it, I don't quite see what people were on about. One thing I will say about Force Awakens is it managed to convey fear and panic better than George ever did.

When the Death Star blasted Alderaan into oblivion, that was it. A quick shot of a planet blowing up and not a single fuck was given. Having Ben talking about "a great disturbance in the force" didn't cut it really. However when Death Star Mrk III destroys a planet, we see the perspective of those about to be 86'd out of existence. Very effective and something I wished A New Hope showcased. Too bad George didn't think to add that in his updates instead of all that FUGLY CGI EDITIONS THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR....... But I digress.

Right off the bat, I told myself I would only dislike two things about this movie.

1: Rey.
2: The villains.

And that's exactly what I disliked about the movie. Not for the same reasons most people do.... Cus I'm special (aka a dork)

Let's start with Rey, who I consider one of the weakest performances in the movie. I'm going to be burnt at the steak for saying this..... But Daisy Ridley cannot act. I mean I think she's even worse than Scarlet Johanson and Jennifer Lawrence combined. Very much on my own with that opinion but it's how I feel. Granted it's her first major film role so I'm willing to give her some leeway, but in most of her scenes I really felt like she was just phoning it in half the time, probably about as much as Carrie Fisher did. Not to single out "MaRey Sue" on this, but alot of the cast felt very weak and uninspired. The ginger commander for example began chewing at the scenery in his speech to the "I can't believe it's not the empire" before firing Death Star Mrk III.

You could really tell Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher did not want to be there. She has this look in her eye that says "Can we hurry this up? I wanna go watch Eastenders by 4!" And Mark Hamill really didn't need to be there. Back to the Sue. Even the "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" when Han Solo died (not really a spoiler anymore) felt so half assed, I mean you're Luke's kid (allegedly) and even he can belt out a better NOOOOOO than you can. Plus that thick English accent through me off at times, mainly that she cannot keep it in check. At some points she sounds like Helena Bonham Carter, before back flipping into her best Daisy Dumbass impression.

Rey: In that she has a certain pronunciation in her best Queens English, God bless ya ma'am.... DEN SHII JUST SOUND LIEK "U WOT 8? 1V1 MII U CANT!!"

Ironically the droids and Chewie were the best actors in the entire movie, with BB8 being the only character I cared about. When a ball with a WALL-E head is the only thing I care about in a fucking STAR WARS movie, you know something has gone wrong!

So we come to the argument I comically referenced a moment ago. The issue of Rey being a Mary Sue. Allow me to provide Google's definition of that since most people misuse that term.

"A Mary Sue for female characters and Gary Stu or Marty Stu for male characters is an idealized and seemingly perfect fictional character, a young or low-rank person who saves the day through unrealistic abilities. Often this character is recognized as an author insert or wish-fulfillment."

The movie dodges this accusation on very few occasions. Mainly when Kylo Ren captures her and when he pimp smacks her into a tree. That's about it, but come on people not even Luke was this skilled and "talented" when we first met him. I've heard in defense of Rey's character that people say "YOU DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WHEN LUKE AND ANAKIN DID THIS!!!" or that "IF IT WAS A GUY YOU'D LOVE IT!!!"

And allow me to smack those claims into a tree with my own pimp hand .

What do you mean if a guy was doing it? A guy already did and the audience fucking LOATHED IT. That assholes name was Anakin Skywalker. When he was farted into existence in Phantom Menace, he was an insufferable little twat who was "so good at everything" despite being a penniless slave worker in the ass end of nowhere.

Sound familiar?

Yes, Anakin is a Gary Stu and a painful one at that, but Luke to me really isn't what I consider a Stu, since he doesn't instantly know how to utilize a Lightsabre upon hearing someone say "The Force" Like a certain someone we know. I think that little brain fart is worse than Dawn of Justice's "Martha" revelation, unfunny meme and all.

Luke doesn't become as skilled as his father until his final movie appearance and even then we'd gotten to know the character, witness his trials and tribulations enough to make Luke a well rounded character over the course of three movies."Reylight Sparkle" on the other hand happens to know everything, is good at everything and can instantly become good at everything when the plot commands it. Without ANY form of training or experience.

Finn: How did you do that?
Rey: .... I dunno
(pretty much a line from the movie)

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it folks, she's a poorly written Sue like her possible grandfather but at least her dad had to earn his shit! Now to lay down the killing blow. The movie does a very poor job of establishing her as a character beyond her Sue level of brilliance. You do get a glimmer of a character near the start but after that she becomes "Moody face the Wonder Cunt: Master of everything!" leaving no time to develop as a character. You see she is a scavenger and a need to leave the planet Jaku.... But why? You see she is fluent in many languages and can fix the Millennium Falcon.... But how?

A simple line like "I used to fix power converters for my boss!" could have resolved that little issue for me. Yet without her Mary Sue brilliance, she is nothing. Nothing more than a means to drive the plot forward, in fact the only one out of the main two with an arch is Finn. Granted their ham fisted romance angle felt about as natural as Hulk and Black Widow's in Age of Ultron but Finn was more relatable than Rey was. He was flawed, likeable and.... well, human!

Holding Anakin's Lightsabre, oh hang on. About that for a second. If my memory serves me well, didn't Luke lose that thing in Cloud City when his hand was sliced off? I don't recall him ever gaining that back hence him creating that Green bladed Lightsabre for Return of the Jedi.

But back to that previous thought, holding Anakin's Lightsabre and gaining access to THE PLOT is, as Han put it "Not how the Force works!"
Still..... I'd rather have her over Anakin "I don't like Sand" Skywalker and his forced (if you see what I did there) romance with Natalie Portman any day!

Speaking of whiny evil. Kylo Ren.

When people told me about this character, the description was something along the lines of "HE'S AN EMBODIMENT OF THE WHINY FANBASE!" and I think Jabba the Hutt impersonator Bob Chipman compared him to GamerGate of all things.

Never got that vibe once. Because Ren is actually pretty competent at times, or when the plot commands it. When I first saw him, in his silly little Doctor Doom costume complete with Tom Hardy Bane voice, I was almost sold on him for he does some pretty badass things like stopping a blaster in mid flight. Then sadly he began to take a back seat and when he finally showed up again, he starts acting like an emo version of Anakin from Episode 2, while praying to Vader's helmet.

This is something I found most confusing about the movie which I've talked to other Star Wars fans about.

"I will finish what you started" is what he professes to Vader Senpai's skull, yet Vader never started anything. It was Emperor Palpatine that started this whole saga back in Episode 1. Palpatine wasn't this mysterious figure lurking in the shadows like "Darth Smeagol" was in this movie. He was the leader of the former Republic that was transformed into the Galactic Empire. Having Kylo Bane praying to the wrong head is dumb and nothing but really forced (need to stop using that word) fanservice.

Palpatine was the most feared, evil and calculating Sith Lord in the galaxy. A Puppet Master with the perfect instrument of destruction. Like The Devil with a human servant, that servant being Darth Vader. A ruthless killer (of younglings) and also like his master is feared throughout the galaxy. A difficult act to follow in terms of this series, to the point even series creator George Lucas could not create something remotely on the same level as Vader and The Emperor. He tried everything. A red skinned horn guy, Christopher Lee and even a four armed robot for crying out loud!

The same corner that JJ Abrams and Disney now find themselves backed into.

Any franchise that tries to replace it's iconic villain(s) very rarely manage to pull it of, with the lone exception being when Lord Zedd took over from Rita in Power Rangers. It's why I said Star Wars didn't need anymore movies because replacing these characters is next to impossible! Abrams tried anyway and replacing the most feared Sith Lord in the galaxy and his rent boy.... Is a boring CGI clusterfuck who does fuck all.... and his rent boy. Revealing this new puppet master was a bad move, when his reveal should have been later rather than sooner. Considering he really didn't do anything note worthy in this movie alone. Kylo Ren would have been more effective or compelling, if we didn't already see George cock the character up with Anakin back in those prequels we dare not speak of all that much.

But that in itself is stepping well into nitpicking territory. Anything I don't talk about is either okay or fine to me. Finn being a very likeable character which I would argue should have been the films major focus point. The story of this former Storm Trooper turned hero would have really set the groundwork for a interesting plot, but instead we get saddled with the offspring of the heroes with the acting range of a box of Kellogs Corn Flakes.... Oh and blowing up a third Death Star.

I sense a rehash in the force.

The Force Awakens is enjoyable at most but to me it doesn't quite fill the shoes of it's iconic siblings from almost 30 years ago. It has elements I wished the first movie had, but that's all it really is.

Extensions.

It's better than the prequels, but then again Fifty Shades of Grey is better than those films, and that's saying something.

Description
Human beings are a fickle bunch.

One minute Star Wars is the punching bag of the industry, now it's on par with Marvel's Cinematic Universe.

Like I said. Fickle.

Allow me to state the following for the record.

I still hold to my belief that Star Wars does NOT need anymore films. I feel the franchise came to a satisfying conclusion that any film continuing the events of Return of the Jedi would have some big shoes to fill and would not be able to live up to those expectations.

Which is the problem The Force Awakens stumbles into.

I will say the movie, on it's best possible day, is an average experience. A basic 3/5 for me and is sandwiched right in the middle of the originals and the prequels in terms of it's level of quality. Certainly not this amazing piece of cinema people quickly proclaimed it to be.

While the Prequels dropped the ball and nobody told George "Hey, this romance angle is worse than DeviantArt fanfiction" it still managed to tell a new story and introduce some very unique characters. Force Awakens main problem is it lacks anything new or original. Here comes that one criticism nobody wants to hear but after watching the movie in question twice, I find myself echoing the thoughts of the few who dare to say it out loud.

"This IS Episode 4 with a new paint job!" Only with slightly shittier acting and a really forgettable antagonist.

If the original films didn't exist, then it would the perfect starting point for a series. However much like Jurassic World, Amazing Spider-Man and other dead franchises cashing in on nostalgia, it basically tells the same movie again with cosmetic changes.

Now we're getting ahead of ourselves. To quote Coldplay for a moment "I'll take you back to the start!"

When it was first announced that Disney had finally wrestled the controls away from George "I know what romance is" Lucas, I was celebrating like everyone else. I was hoping to FINALLY get an unaltered version of the original Star Wars trilogy on DVD at long last.

That announcement never came but Episode 7 was announced instead. A little bummed out, I questioned it for a bit but I was still on board. Then the promise of more "practical effects" kinda missed the mark when the trailers looked faker than a porn star's heaving tits. Slightly getting embittered at this point but I was still on board. Then Disney shut down the expanded Universe and wanted their own Cinematic Universe of the franchise. You know, that one thing I cannot stand that Hollywood is doing at the moment?

It just struck a nerve with me. Shutting down something that fans had invested time, love and energy into in favor of something generic, overdone and to satisfy faceless shareholders. Or the very thing Marvel fans feared when Disney took over the House of M.

I think my exact words to myself were "Oh? Well fuck you too then!!!"

So I decided not to watch the movie and avoid unloading a Sith Lord full of negativity at a movie that may or may not deserve it.

With word that the original trilogy is getting an unaltered DVD release (and the reasons I gave in the journal) I finally sat down and watched the movie far too many people praised as "THE BEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVER!!!!" And to those people I say "Take the nostalgia goggles off!"

But you'll be pleased to know I didn't outright hate this movie, but more to the point I was confused by it. Many people painted very false illusions about it to me that finally watching it, I don't quite see what people were on about. One thing I will say about Force Awakens is it managed to convey fear and panic better than George ever did.

When the Death Star blasted Alderaan into oblivion, that was it. A quick shot of a planet blowing up and not a single fuck was given. Having Ben talking about "a great disturbance in the force" didn't cut it really. However when Death Star Mrk III destroys a planet, we see the perspective of those about to be 86'd out of existence. Very effective and something I wished A New Hope showcased. Too bad George didn't think to add that in his updates instead of all that FUGLY CGI EDITIONS THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR....... But I digress.

Right off the bat, I told myself I would only dislike two things about this movie.

1: Rey.
2: The villains.

And that's exactly what I disliked about the movie. Not for the same reasons most people do.... Cus I'm special (aka a dork)

Let's start with Rey, who I consider one of the weakest performances in the movie. I'm going to be burnt at the steak for saying this..... But Daisy Ridley cannot act. I mean I think she's even worse than Scarlet Johanson and Jennifer Lawrence combined. Very much on my own with that opinion but it's how I feel. Granted it's her first major film role so I'm willing to give her some leeway, but in most of her scenes I really felt like she was just phoning it in half the time, probably about as much as Carrie Fisher did. Not to single out "MaRey Sue" on this, but alot of the cast felt very weak and uninspired. The ginger commander for example began chewing at the scenery in his speech to the "I can't believe it's not the empire" before firing Death Star Mrk III.

You could really tell Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher did not want to be there. She has this look in her eye that says "Can we hurry this up? I wanna go watch Eastenders by 4!" And Mark Hamill really didn't need to be there. Back to the Sue. Even the "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" when Han Solo died (not really a spoiler anymore) felt so half assed, I mean you're Luke's kid (allegedly) and even he can belt out a better NOOOOOO than you can. Plus that thick English accent through me off at times, mainly that she cannot keep it in check. At some points she sounds like Helena Bonham Carter, before back flipping into her best Daisy Dumbass impression.

Rey: In that she has a certain pronunciation in her best Queens English, God bless ya ma'am.... DEN SHII JUST SOUND LIEK "U WOT 8? 1V1 MII U CANT!!"

Ironically the droids and Chewie were the best actors in the entire movie, with BB8 being the only character I cared about. When a ball with a WALL-E head is the only thing I care about in a fucking STAR WARS movie, you know something has gone wrong!

So we come to the argument I comically referenced a moment ago. The issue of Rey being a Mary Sue. Allow me to provide Google's definition of that since most people misuse that term.

"A Mary Sue for female characters and Gary Stu or Marty Stu for male characters is an idealized and seemingly perfect fictional character, a young or low-rank person who saves the day through unrealistic abilities. Often this character is recognized as an author insert or wish-fulfillment."

The movie dodges this accusation on very few occasions. Mainly when Kylo Ren captures her and when he pimp smacks her into a tree. That's about it, but come on people not even Luke was this skilled and "talented" when we first met him. I've heard in defense of Rey's character that people say "YOU DIDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM WHEN LUKE AND ANAKIN DID THIS!!!" or that "IF IT WAS A GUY YOU'D LOVE IT!!!"

And allow me to smack those claims into a tree with my own pimp hand .

What do you mean if a guy was doing it? A guy already did and the audience fucking LOATHED IT. That assholes name was Anakin Skywalker. When he was farted into existence in Phantom Menace, he was an insufferable little twat who was "so good at everything" despite being a penniless slave worker in the ass end of nowhere.

Sound familiar?

Yes, Anakin is a Gary Stu and a painful one at that, but Luke to me really isn't what I consider a Stu, since he doesn't instantly know how to utilize a Lightsabre upon hearing someone say "The Force" Like a certain someone we know. I think that little brain fart is worse than Dawn of Justice's "Martha" revelation, unfunny meme and all.

Luke doesn't become as skilled as his father until his final movie appearance and even then we'd gotten to know the character, witness his trials and tribulations enough to make Luke a well rounded character over the course of three movies."Reylight Sparkle" on the other hand happens to know everything, is good at everything and can instantly become good at everything when the plot commands it. Without ANY form of training or experience.

Finn: How did you do that?
Rey: .... I dunno
(pretty much a line from the movie)

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it folks, she's a poorly written Sue like her possible grandfather but at least her dad had to earn his shit! Now to lay down the killing blow. The movie does a very poor job of establishing her as a character beyond her Sue level of brilliance. You do get a glimmer of a character near the start but after that she becomes "Moody face the Wonder Cunt: Master of everything!" leaving no time to develop as a character. You see she is a scavenger and a need to leave the planet Jaku.... But why? You see she is fluent in many languages and can fix the Millennium Falcon.... But how?

A simple line like "I used to fix power converters for my boss!" could have resolved that little issue for me. Yet without her Mary Sue brilliance, she is nothing. Nothing more than a means to drive the plot forward, in fact the only one out of the main two with an arch is Finn. Granted their ham fisted romance angle felt about as natural as Hulk and Black Widow's in Age of Ultron but Finn was more relatable than Rey was. He was flawed, likeable and.... well, human!

Holding Anakin's Lightsabre, oh hang on. About that for a second. If my memory serves me well, didn't Luke lose that thing in Cloud City when his hand was sliced off? I don't recall him ever gaining that back hence him creating that Green bladed Lightsabre for Return of the Jedi.

But back to that previous thought, holding Anakin's Lightsabre and gaining access to THE PLOT is, as Han put it "Not how the Force works!"
Still..... I'd rather have her over Anakin "I don't like Sand" Skywalker and his forced (if you see what I did there) romance with Natalie Portman any day!

Speaking of whiny evil. Kylo Ren.

When people told me about this character, the description was something along the lines of "HE'S AN EMBODIMENT OF THE WHINY FANBASE!" and I think Jabba the Hutt impersonator Bob Chipman compared him to GamerGate of all things.

Never got that vibe once. Because Ren is actually pretty competent at times, or when the plot commands it. When I first saw him, in his silly little Doctor Doom costume complete with Tom Hardy Bane voice, I was almost sold on him for he does some pretty badass things like stopping a blaster in mid flight. Then sadly he began to take a back seat and when he finally showed up again, he starts acting like an emo version of Anakin from Episode 2, while praying to Vader's helmet.

This is something I found most confusing about the movie which I've talked to other Star Wars fans about.

"I will finish what you started" is what he professes to Vader Senpai's skull, yet Vader never started anything. It was Emperor Palpatine that started this whole saga back in Episode 1. Palpatine wasn't this mysterious figure lurking in the shadows like "Darth Smeagol" was in this movie. He was the leader of the former Republic that was transformed into the Galactic Empire. Having Kylo Bane praying to the wrong head is dumb and nothing but really forced (need to stop using that word) fanservice.

Palpatine was the most feared, evil and calculating Sith Lord in the galaxy. A Puppet Master with the perfect instrument of destruction. Like The Devil with a human servant, that servant being Darth Vader. A ruthless killer (of younglings) and also like his master is feared throughout the galaxy. A difficult act to follow in terms of this series, to the point even series creator George Lucas could not create something remotely on the same level as Vader and The Emperor. He tried everything. A red skinned horn guy, Christopher Lee and even a four armed robot for crying out loud!

The same corner that JJ Abrams and Disney now find themselves backed into.

Any franchise that tries to replace it's iconic villain(s) very rarely manage to pull it of, with the lone exception being when Lord Zedd took over from Rita in Power Rangers. It's why I said Star Wars didn't need anymore movies because replacing these characters is next to impossible! Abrams tried anyway and replacing the most feared Sith Lord in the galaxy and his rent boy.... Is a boring CGI clusterfuck who does fuck all.... and his rent boy. Revealing this new puppet master was a bad move, when his reveal should have been later rather than sooner. Considering he really didn't do anything note worthy in this movie alone. Kylo Ren would have been more effective or compelling, if we didn't already see George cock the character up with Anakin back in those prequels we dare not speak of all that much.

But that in itself is stepping well into nitpicking territory. Anything I don't talk about is either okay or fine to me. Finn being a very likeable character which I would argue should have been the films major focus point. The story of this former Storm Trooper turned hero would have really set the groundwork for a interesting plot, but instead we get saddled with the offspring of the heroes with the acting range of a box of Kellogs Corn Flakes.... Oh and blowing up a third Death Star.

I sense a rehash in the force.

The Force Awakens is enjoyable at most but to me it doesn't quite fill the shoes of it's iconic siblings from almost 30 years ago. It has elements I wished the first movie had, but that's all it really is.

Extensions.

It's better than the prequels, but then again Fifty Shades of Grey is better than those films, and that's saying something.