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Description
Part 1 - Jessica June.
randomdc3.deviantart.com/art/8…

As I mentioned in Part 1, I was not happy with this month and I binned the entire summary I had planned. However, The E3 coverage was written before my friend passed on. I'm including it here, unedited or altered for I'm not in the mood to fix it. Feel free to laugh at my spelling errors or anything I left out.

E3 2017
I'd normally offer a seperate analysis for each confrence, but I actually don't want to devote 5 seperate comics/rants on that anymore. You're getting a basic summary of the main shows I watched. Anything confrences or games not mentioned here comes from my general lack of interest or I had nothing to say about them.

First up was EA. I caught the tail end of the show and from what I saw in my social media feed, I really wasn't missing much. The usual masterbating to sports titles and the promise that the new Star Wars Battlefront "won't be shit this time!" But if EA were Pinocchio, their nose would wrap around the planet 28 times. I think a truly cringe worthy moment was the mention of HeForShe, which reminded me of the awful speech given by Emma Watson. A woman I could throw into a wickerman with Lily Allen and Jeremy Corbyn without a seconds hesitation.

In short - Nothing truly of interest from EA.

Square-Enix dropped a trailer for Kingdom Hearts 3 and I'm being serious when I say this, I didn't have a bloody clue what was going on! So Goku, Goofy and Donald were brawling with some lads in what looks like Ancient Greece, while some Disney characters exchanged plesantries. Maybe I'll play the game to find out what was happening. Didn't give a release date mind you, so that probably means "Sometime at Christmas..... 2020!"

Next in the hotseat were Microsoft. Which began with the only thing Microsoft care about.... tech-wank. This time, the tech-wank was the reveal of the Xbox One X. You know guys, adding a letter to the end of your shitty console doesn't make it any better. If that were the case, I await for Nintendo to make the Switch Z. Then they showed off a car. Not sure what that has to do with video games mind you. Fucking hell, they should get Jeremy Clarkson to host these things.

Clarkson: This console has a HUUUGE computer chip, under the boneeet!

Here's a fun drinking game. When watching a Microsoft show, take a shot everytime the voice over says "Exclusive!"

Then the atmosphere changed when they showed off Assassin's Creed Origins. I was actually surprised by the announcement and I got excited. Yes, Asscred has been milked to oblivion but Ancient Egypt is something worth exploring so I'll check this out in October. Also considering how that Mummy reboot dropped the ball in cinemas, this will hopefully wash that taste out of my mouth!

Then they showed off "another bloody zombie game" and the boner Origins built was deflated. When is it going to penetrate developers empty heads that Zombies need to go the fuck away!? Since they're about as interesting as a chess club these days. Why not a game about evil Girl Scouts? Bread? Pandas?

.... Don't do that last one. That's MY thing!

Thankfuly Minecraft and Dragonball Z got me interested again. Dragonball Fighters Z looks absolutely sick!! Gorgeous sprites and a decent roster so far. I saw a lot of people slagging off Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite over the reveal of this DBZ game. I'm basically echoing the words of Tony Stark when I say "is it too much to ask for both?" Minecraft is something I can get for the PS4 but the updates they've made look nice. After a long montage of "exclusive" content (Super Lucky Tail and Cuphead look fantastic) they announced that the original Xbox games will be compatible with the Xbox One X. That's great guys, I truly hope this means I can play Jet Set Radio Future without a buggy frame rate. Just make sure Buffy the Vampire Slayer is on that list.... What? I like that game.

In short - not a bad showing for Microsoft.
Games that interested me: Assassin's Creed: Origins. Dragonball Fighter Z. Super Lucky Tail and Cuphead.

Next up was Ubisoft.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUjGf2…
Before I continue, was anyone else having issues watching this stream? I switched between 4 different live streams and it constantly crashed and lagged.

So right out the gate they showed off the Mario & Rabbid Crossover. This is quite possibly the most confusing paring you could ever think of. One being a legendary icon of gaming (gotta give credit where it's due) and the other is a novalty joke that hasn't been funny in years. More importantly, I live in a world where I cannot have a Mario & Sonic platformer game.... BUT WE GET A MARIO/RABBID CROSSOVER!!!?? I guess they had pictures of Mario with a goat or something?

Also, typical bloody Ubisoft. They've got access to the Mario IP and what's the first thing they do? Give everyone a gun! Mind you, it was kinda funny/surreal to hear Shiguru Miyamoto acknowledge Ghost Reacon.

While I must concede the concept looks fun (reminded of XCOM at times) it does feel like a desperation move for both parties. The Rabbids haven't been relevant since the original Wii console and Mario tends to save this kind of thing for his manditory Smash Bros appearences. Speaking of Smash, that must be quite the dick slap towards the Rabbids former playmate, Rayman. First he gets snubbed on appearing in Smash, now the little bastards who knicked his spotlight are hanging out with Mr.Video Games.

That would be like if WinneBobble got shunned by Marvel Comics, only for them to do a Spider-Man Vs Cute Yet Offensive Panda crossover to spite me.

But there were some generally funny moments about the announcement. Namely this statement. "And the impressive launch of the Switch."
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON4sOl… (Wow, 2 Simpsons jokes already?)

They mentioned AssCred Origins, but we already talked about that with Microsoft. As well as Elijah Wood fishing for a paycheque, South Park showed up to remind us all "Hey we have a game out later this year!" that I honestly forgot all about. I enjoyed Stick of Truth so maybe the sequel will be just as good.

In the end, I stopped watching the stream. It was constantly crashing and lagging like mad. I'll watch the rest tomorrow morning when it gets uploaded.

(The next day)

..... I came online to see Capcom were offering a free demo for Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite. Sorry Ubisoft. You lose to free demos I'm afraid.

There you go, Angry Joe, there is your precious "story mode" now stop yer bitchin! Allow me to bitch however, for its adopted that tiresome design popularised by the likes of Tekken 6, Smash Bros Brawl and Mortal Kombat Vs DC Universe. Not being allowed to pick your own character when you want to. The character I gravitated to the most was of course Mega Man X. How would Capcom handle a character they "hate" (according to cuuks on the internet) without Keiji Inafune around and to probably ask for money money?

Pretty well, all things considered. Interesting take on his new voice. Reminded me of Silver the Hedgehog at times. I do want to say it was fantastic to hear the voice cast from Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes again. Eric Lumis IS Iron Man (from an animation stance) so that brought a smile to my face. In fact, the writing had some generally funny moments. The banter was entertaining but I kept getting weirded out by everyone saying each others names. I dunno, something about it seemed off. Like you were waiting to hear "registered trademark after it!"

Random: Glad you could join the front lines, THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD(tm)
AVGN: Sorry I'm fucking late, I had to rescue THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC(tm) and KIRBOPHER15(tm) from ATOPTHEFOURTHWALL!

While the majority was fun, it did feel forced in places, probably with some of the interactions. I was very sluggish when I began to demo. I haven't played a fighting game indepth since Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3 and I am clearly out of practice. I managed to win a round by mashing one button, until I realised the drones had small health bars on purpose. Because when Ultron-Sigma showed up, he wrecked my shit harder than Theresa May's approval raitings.

Having to play as either Dante or Rocket Raccoon. Two characters I despise.
I AM FILLED WITH DISPLEASEMENT!!!

Then of course, the new announcements. I was reminded of the 90's X-Men theme in the trailer.... Forshadowing? So the new characters were Dante, Rocket (officially), Sir.Arthur, Doctor Strange, Nova, Spencer, Zero, Thanos and Black Panther.

Well there is my team set. X & Zero bitches!!! Woooo!! The appearence of the Grand Master does make me wonder if he's playable. I doubt it, cus that would be a bloody weird inclusion wouldn't it?

Next in the crosshairs was Sony. Uncharted: The Lost Legacy, starring a hard ass female character doing a terrible English accent with the emotional range of a brick. Say, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't we already have a series all about that? Rhymes with "Womb Maider?"

Horizon Zero Dawn 2 huh? First one is barely a few months old and they've got the sequel all planned. I heard the first one wasn't well recieved so I'll pass.

"Another Bloody Zombie Game!" I reffer you to what I said about the Microsoft game being shown off. It's funny how you always see buff, shirtless male zombies but never any buff, shirtless female zombies? Oh I dunno. Possible fetish maybe? The Zombie Apocalypse sounds very homo-erotic to me.

Shawn Layden: Let's agree that we love games?
Me: Well, unless you're a Polygon writer or Yahtzee, then you're law bound to hate video games.

Monster Hunter World. Looks fun I guess. I never really got into that series. Maybe I should?
There was another Shadow of the Colossus, meh.
Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite, which we already talked about.
Call of Duty "Who fucking cares anymore?" Back to the old staple of "Hey guys, remember the Nazis?"
Skyrim VR. I'm gonna be honest, I never cared for Skyrim. I found it fucking dull and I doubt wearing a silly hat will change that feeling.
Star Child. Don't care.
From the chucklefucks that brought you UNTIL DAWN comes "The Inpaitent" and "Bravo-Team" And I have no doubt they'll be just as bad as UNTIL DAWN was.
Final Fantasy 15-VR. Because why the fuck not, am I right? FF is dead as a series anyway, may as well milk it before the milk goes bad.
I think I've had enough of small mammals wearing scarfs and exploring ancient ruins thank you very much, Moss. At least there weren't any bounce pads.

God of War 5. Still not sure what old Kratos is doing in Norse times and without his little sword chain thingies. That kid is gonna be dead by the end of the game, mark my words on that.... Nice beard mind you.

An Orwellian future where people have no self control and are submitting to a hive mind, while badly dressed teens riot in the streets or offer freedom via Red Pilling... But enough about current events, Detroit: Become Human looks like shite.

Destiny 2 And I couldn't begin to bring myself to care!

Spider-Man. Still rocking a rather ugly costume and performing stealth sections. Batman would like a word with you, Mr.Parker! A little dissapointed by the QTE sections, a phase I thought gaming had grown out of by now. Looks fun, I've been needing something decent attatched to Spidey these days.

I think the best stuff about Playstation was what they didn't show at the confrence. Like Coco being playable in the Crash remake and Undertale coming to PS4. Wait a minute, Undertale? That's still relevant? Eh, at least I can have a physical copy of it now at least.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-zO5h…

In short - A lot of fluff, but some stuff I'm interested in.

Games I'm interested in: Crash Bandicoot. N.Sane Trilogy. Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite. Spider-Man. Undertale and God of War 5.

And finally Nintendo.... Which I didn't watch so here is to tell ya all about it.

A big theme that people have always noticed about Nintendo is that while they suck farts at marketing and hardware production,
they've (usually) been on point with the software and gameplay. This is what the "play to win" trailer and Reggie's segments of
the Nintendo E3 spotlight were - putting the focus on the games and the gameplay experience, and they definitely did their best
to show this off this year. So on a game by game (or series by series) basis, let's see how well they did at e3:

-Xenoblade Chronicles 2

Despite being labelled as a direct sequel to the nectar of the gods (AKA: Xenoblade Chronicles 1), very little bar certain locales
seem to be linked at all to the first game. That being said, it has the same grandiose sense of scale and adventure with an
interesting story and gameplay element introduced with your companion Pharrah, a living blade of sorts. This mechanic was shown off
in better detail with the Treehouse showcases they do across the three days they're there (which I appreciate greatly). It seems like
quite the depature from both Xenoblade 1 and X in terms of overall gameplay but it looks like it'll be worth picking up.

-Kirby

Kirby as a series is stupidly simple and easy to play, somehow being nearly as formulaic - if not moreso than the Mario series.
However, where the series shines is in its level designs, copy ability integration, game specific mechanics and extra content.
The big thing this time around seems to be a true return to the concept originally introduced in the long forgotten gamecube Kirby
game, whose four player mode and character stacking mechanics WERE introduced in Return to Dreamland on the Wii. This time though,
instead of being able to play as DeDeDe, Meta Knight or Bandana Dee, you can grab any three enemies you want and have them join
your squad, which can then be controlled by a human player. While this seems like a direct downgrade from playing as unique
characters, it doesn't pigeonhole extra players into any specific role AND it suits the Nintendo Switch's portability and "pick up
and play" mentality. I'm personally looking forward to this a lot.

-Pokemon

I never got around to playing Pokken Tournament originally on the Wii U, but playing in arcades in Japan the game was super fun
and has a lot of unique and interesting mechanics for a fighting game. Having a new DX version that'll perform better and is
fully portable will get a lot more people into the game (including myself - I'll be maining Sceptile and the newly added Decidueye)
. Of course, we can't ignore the announcement of a "Core RPG" Pokemon game coming out for the Switch itself. After the somewhat
lackluster announcement of Ultra Sun / Ultra Moon, it'll be interesting to see where this new game takes us, be it Gen 8 or a
Diamond/Pearl remake (or a new Pokemon Colloseum style game for hipster losers like myself. Hey, a man can dream right?)

-Metroid

Captain Falcon: GEE SAMUS, HOW COME NINTENDO LET YOU HAVE TWO GAMES THIS YEAR?

Holy fuck, Metroid Prime 4. Say what you want about buying into the hype surrounding a singular image, having any sort of news
about this is immense. The Switch is slowly but surely gaining an actual library of must-have games. Of course we can't forget
Metroid: Samus Returns - a remake of the second game originally released on Gameboy. This one is being done by the team that
made on of the 3DS Castlevania games which has had mixed reception but the gameplay they showed off at the Treehouse was very
promising and delivered on this cinematic style combat that Metroid M WANTED to do but couldn't, and it doesn't sacrifice the
original Metroid gameplay either (from what we've seen thus far, mind you.) It does seem quite a bit faster paced than most
Metroid games prior to this but I'm still excited regardless. I've got my eyes on that european special edition too, hot damn.

-Yoshi for the Switch

More Yarn Yoshi... yay? I never got around to playing the original Yarn Yoshi game and even though this looks super cute I doubt I'll
get around to this one either. The 3D aiming and exploration does seem to be pretty cool and does give me a bit of a Super Paper
Mario vibe somewhat with the flipping perspectives. Maybe we'll see good things from this down the line.

-Fire Emblem Warriors

They're REALLLY pushing this series a lot now, and I'm happy they are - this series remained Japan exclusive for so long and was
looking to get the axe for quite a while until Awakening casualised the fuck out of it all and "saved the series"... not that I
have any room to act like an elitist, it's the first game of the series I've beaten and I still enjoy it a lot. REGARDLESS, this
looks to be a semi-decent celebration of Fire Emblem but they only seem to be focusing a lot on Shadow Dragon, Awakening and
Fates which will be a disappointment to people like me who love the fuck out of sayyy Binding Blade or Sacred Stones or some of
the SNES titles. Still though, it looks like a more in-depth Warriors game that looks to incorporate a lot of the elements unique
to Fire Emblem so that'll be interesting to see.

-Zelda BoW DLC

When I first heard that Breath of the Wild was going to get DLC I was kind of upset by that - Nintendo is normally the type to
avoid these practices. That being said, I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't want to see them actually get with the times. Plus,
this seems like an actual justified DLC - all of the content in question seems to be things not hidden away in the original game
and is all new and interesting content. I hope to pick up the game soon to get the full experience because this looks like a
fantastic game and a great new direction to take the Zelda series in.

-E3 tournaments

Splatoon 2, Pokken DX and ARMS had competitions during the course of E3 to show off some gameplay, and it was a fun mix of pros
vs E3 attendees who played on the show floor. All of these games look super fun, especially ARMs which I personally got to play
at a convention recently. Looking forward to seeing more of these games.

-Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle

I'm gonna be quick about this because I'm sure has enough to say about it as is, but in summation:

Jesus Christ on a candelabra, this game has NO business looking this fun. I genuinely struggle to come up with thoughts about this
because it's such an asinine idea that I still can't believe it exists, but it looks FUN. Like, REALLLLY FUN. I think I need to lie
down.

-Rocket League

If you haven't played Rocket League at this point, you don't have an excuse anymore because it's coming to the super portable switch
(with crossplay with other consoles of all things!), so pick it up and have fun ramming the fuck out of balls.... with your car
that is.

-Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions

Just wanted to mention this before getting to the big finish - this was shown off during the Treehouse presentation as a bit of a
shocker... at least for those who didn't hear about it months prior due to leaks of the 3DS eShop happening. The original
Superstar Saga is my second favourite game in the Mario + Luigi series and it looks to be getting the full makeover, gameplay wise
and all. Plus, an entirely new mode means entirely new content which just means more playtime on this fantastic game. Can't wait to
get it.

-Super Mario Odyssey

I could spend this section of the review just writing out the lyrics of that unbelievably catchy song they used, but instead I'll
gush about how this is looking to be the best looking, best sounding, AND most interesting Mario game since Galaxy, and it's also
looking to beat it in overall quality tenfold. While the paperthin plot won't be swaying academics anytime soon, every mechanic
they've shown off previously has been further elaborated and expanded upon here, more interesting locales within the worlds were
displayed, and in general the gameplay looks so tight and refined yet free-flowing and unrestricted, the body-snatching mechanic
looks equal parts goofy, fun and exciting gameplay wise. I mean for god's sake you can turn into an honest to god T-rex, and not
some cartoony Yoshi lookalike, how baller is that?!

*ahem* Sorry about that.

Honestly, regardless of what you think about all of these games, the big kicker is that most of these games are slated for this
year or at least early 2018. The biggest shocker to be is that Mario Odyssey is coming out October 10th THIS YEAR and not next.
Nintendo seem to finally be understanding how to keep up some semblence of momentum marketing wise, and here's hoping the trend
continues.

I wanna thank for letting me write this segment, and I'll see you all next mission.

(Me again) In closing. Pretty basic E3 this year. Some stuff I liked, a lot of stuff I didn't. But that's pretty much everything they had on offer this year.

Description
Part 1 - Jessica June.
randomdc3.deviantart.com/art/8…

As I mentioned in Part 1, I was not happy with this month and I binned the entire summary I had planned. However, The E3 coverage was written before my friend passed on. I'm including it here, unedited or altered for I'm not in the mood to fix it. Feel free to laugh at my spelling errors or anything I left out.

E3 2017
I'd normally offer a seperate analysis for each confrence, but I actually don't want to devote 5 seperate comics/rants on that anymore. You're getting a basic summary of the main shows I watched. Anything confrences or games not mentioned here comes from my general lack of interest or I had nothing to say about them.

First up was EA. I caught the tail end of the show and from what I saw in my social media feed, I really wasn't missing much. The usual masterbating to sports titles and the promise that the new Star Wars Battlefront "won't be shit this time!" But if EA were Pinocchio, their nose would wrap around the planet 28 times. I think a truly cringe worthy moment was the mention of HeForShe, which reminded me of the awful speech given by Emma Watson. A woman I could throw into a wickerman with Lily Allen and Jeremy Corbyn without a seconds hesitation.

In short - Nothing truly of interest from EA.

Square-Enix dropped a trailer for Kingdom Hearts 3 and I'm being serious when I say this, I didn't have a bloody clue what was going on! So Goku, Goofy and Donald were brawling with some lads in what looks like Ancient Greece, while some Disney characters exchanged plesantries. Maybe I'll play the game to find out what was happening. Didn't give a release date mind you, so that probably means "Sometime at Christmas..... 2020!"

Next in the hotseat were Microsoft. Which began with the only thing Microsoft care about.... tech-wank. This time, the tech-wank was the reveal of the Xbox One X. You know guys, adding a letter to the end of your shitty console doesn't make it any better. If that were the case, I await for Nintendo to make the Switch Z. Then they showed off a car. Not sure what that has to do with video games mind you. Fucking hell, they should get Jeremy Clarkson to host these things.

Clarkson: This console has a HUUUGE computer chip, under the boneeet!

Here's a fun drinking game. When watching a Microsoft show, take a shot everytime the voice over says "Exclusive!"

Then the atmosphere changed when they showed off Assassin's Creed Origins. I was actually surprised by the announcement and I got excited. Yes, Asscred has been milked to oblivion but Ancient Egypt is something worth exploring so I'll check this out in October. Also considering how that Mummy reboot dropped the ball in cinemas, this will hopefully wash that taste out of my mouth!

Then they showed off "another bloody zombie game" and the boner Origins built was deflated. When is it going to penetrate developers empty heads that Zombies need to go the fuck away!? Since they're about as interesting as a chess club these days. Why not a game about evil Girl Scouts? Bread? Pandas?

.... Don't do that last one. That's MY thing!

Thankfuly Minecraft and Dragonball Z got me interested again. Dragonball Fighters Z looks absolutely sick!! Gorgeous sprites and a decent roster so far. I saw a lot of people slagging off Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite over the reveal of this DBZ game. I'm basically echoing the words of Tony Stark when I say "is it too much to ask for both?" Minecraft is something I can get for the PS4 but the updates they've made look nice. After a long montage of "exclusive" content (Super Lucky Tail and Cuphead look fantastic) they announced that the original Xbox games will be compatible with the Xbox One X. That's great guys, I truly hope this means I can play Jet Set Radio Future without a buggy frame rate. Just make sure Buffy the Vampire Slayer is on that list.... What? I like that game.

In short - not a bad showing for Microsoft.
Games that interested me: Assassin's Creed: Origins. Dragonball Fighter Z. Super Lucky Tail and Cuphead.

Next up was Ubisoft.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUjGf2…
Before I continue, was anyone else having issues watching this stream? I switched between 4 different live streams and it constantly crashed and lagged.

So right out the gate they showed off the Mario & Rabbid Crossover. This is quite possibly the most confusing paring you could ever think of. One being a legendary icon of gaming (gotta give credit where it's due) and the other is a novalty joke that hasn't been funny in years. More importantly, I live in a world where I cannot have a Mario & Sonic platformer game.... BUT WE GET A MARIO/RABBID CROSSOVER!!!?? I guess they had pictures of Mario with a goat or something?

Also, typical bloody Ubisoft. They've got access to the Mario IP and what's the first thing they do? Give everyone a gun! Mind you, it was kinda funny/surreal to hear Shiguru Miyamoto acknowledge Ghost Reacon.

While I must concede the concept looks fun (reminded of XCOM at times) it does feel like a desperation move for both parties. The Rabbids haven't been relevant since the original Wii console and Mario tends to save this kind of thing for his manditory Smash Bros appearences. Speaking of Smash, that must be quite the dick slap towards the Rabbids former playmate, Rayman. First he gets snubbed on appearing in Smash, now the little bastards who knicked his spotlight are hanging out with Mr.Video Games.

That would be like if WinneBobble got shunned by Marvel Comics, only for them to do a Spider-Man Vs Cute Yet Offensive Panda crossover to spite me.

But there were some generally funny moments about the announcement. Namely this statement. "And the impressive launch of the Switch."
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON4sOl… (Wow, 2 Simpsons jokes already?)

They mentioned AssCred Origins, but we already talked about that with Microsoft. As well as Elijah Wood fishing for a paycheque, South Park showed up to remind us all "Hey we have a game out later this year!" that I honestly forgot all about. I enjoyed Stick of Truth so maybe the sequel will be just as good.

In the end, I stopped watching the stream. It was constantly crashing and lagging like mad. I'll watch the rest tomorrow morning when it gets uploaded.

(The next day)

..... I came online to see Capcom were offering a free demo for Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite. Sorry Ubisoft. You lose to free demos I'm afraid.

There you go, Angry Joe, there is your precious "story mode" now stop yer bitchin! Allow me to bitch however, for its adopted that tiresome design popularised by the likes of Tekken 6, Smash Bros Brawl and Mortal Kombat Vs DC Universe. Not being allowed to pick your own character when you want to. The character I gravitated to the most was of course Mega Man X. How would Capcom handle a character they "hate" (according to cuuks on the internet) without Keiji Inafune around and to probably ask for money money?

Pretty well, all things considered. Interesting take on his new voice. Reminded me of Silver the Hedgehog at times. I do want to say it was fantastic to hear the voice cast from Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes again. Eric Lumis IS Iron Man (from an animation stance) so that brought a smile to my face. In fact, the writing had some generally funny moments. The banter was entertaining but I kept getting weirded out by everyone saying each others names. I dunno, something about it seemed off. Like you were waiting to hear "registered trademark after it!"

Random: Glad you could join the front lines, THE ANGRY VIDEO GAME NERD(tm)
AVGN: Sorry I'm fucking late, I had to rescue THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC(tm) and KIRBOPHER15(tm) from ATOPTHEFOURTHWALL!

While the majority was fun, it did feel forced in places, probably with some of the interactions. I was very sluggish when I began to demo. I haven't played a fighting game indepth since Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3 and I am clearly out of practice. I managed to win a round by mashing one button, until I realised the drones had small health bars on purpose. Because when Ultron-Sigma showed up, he wrecked my shit harder than Theresa May's approval raitings.

Having to play as either Dante or Rocket Raccoon. Two characters I despise.
I AM FILLED WITH DISPLEASEMENT!!!

Then of course, the new announcements. I was reminded of the 90's X-Men theme in the trailer.... Forshadowing? So the new characters were Dante, Rocket (officially), Sir.Arthur, Doctor Strange, Nova, Spencer, Zero, Thanos and Black Panther.

Well there is my team set. X & Zero bitches!!! Woooo!! The appearence of the Grand Master does make me wonder if he's playable. I doubt it, cus that would be a bloody weird inclusion wouldn't it?

Next in the crosshairs was Sony. Uncharted: The Lost Legacy, starring a hard ass female character doing a terrible English accent with the emotional range of a brick. Say, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't we already have a series all about that? Rhymes with "Womb Maider?"

Horizon Zero Dawn 2 huh? First one is barely a few months old and they've got the sequel all planned. I heard the first one wasn't well recieved so I'll pass.

"Another Bloody Zombie Game!" I reffer you to what I said about the Microsoft game being shown off. It's funny how you always see buff, shirtless male zombies but never any buff, shirtless female zombies? Oh I dunno. Possible fetish maybe? The Zombie Apocalypse sounds very homo-erotic to me.

Shawn Layden: Let's agree that we love games?
Me: Well, unless you're a Polygon writer or Yahtzee, then you're law bound to hate video games.

Monster Hunter World. Looks fun I guess. I never really got into that series. Maybe I should?
There was another Shadow of the Colossus, meh.
Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite, which we already talked about.
Call of Duty "Who fucking cares anymore?" Back to the old staple of "Hey guys, remember the Nazis?"
Skyrim VR. I'm gonna be honest, I never cared for Skyrim. I found it fucking dull and I doubt wearing a silly hat will change that feeling.
Star Child. Don't care.
From the chucklefucks that brought you UNTIL DAWN comes "The Inpaitent" and "Bravo-Team" And I have no doubt they'll be just as bad as UNTIL DAWN was.
Final Fantasy 15-VR. Because why the fuck not, am I right? FF is dead as a series anyway, may as well milk it before the milk goes bad.
I think I've had enough of small mammals wearing scarfs and exploring ancient ruins thank you very much, Moss. At least there weren't any bounce pads.

God of War 5. Still not sure what old Kratos is doing in Norse times and without his little sword chain thingies. That kid is gonna be dead by the end of the game, mark my words on that.... Nice beard mind you.

An Orwellian future where people have no self control and are submitting to a hive mind, while badly dressed teens riot in the streets or offer freedom via Red Pilling... But enough about current events, Detroit: Become Human looks like shite.

Destiny 2 And I couldn't begin to bring myself to care!

Spider-Man. Still rocking a rather ugly costume and performing stealth sections. Batman would like a word with you, Mr.Parker! A little dissapointed by the QTE sections, a phase I thought gaming had grown out of by now. Looks fun, I've been needing something decent attatched to Spidey these days.

I think the best stuff about Playstation was what they didn't show at the confrence. Like Coco being playable in the Crash remake and Undertale coming to PS4. Wait a minute, Undertale? That's still relevant? Eh, at least I can have a physical copy of it now at least.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-zO5h…

In short - A lot of fluff, but some stuff I'm interested in.

Games I'm interested in: Crash Bandicoot. N.Sane Trilogy. Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite. Spider-Man. Undertale and God of War 5.

And finally Nintendo.... Which I didn't watch so here is to tell ya all about it.

A big theme that people have always noticed about Nintendo is that while they suck farts at marketing and hardware production,
they've (usually) been on point with the software and gameplay. This is what the "play to win" trailer and Reggie's segments of
the Nintendo E3 spotlight were - putting the focus on the games and the gameplay experience, and they definitely did their best
to show this off this year. So on a game by game (or series by series) basis, let's see how well they did at e3:

-Xenoblade Chronicles 2

Despite being labelled as a direct sequel to the nectar of the gods (AKA: Xenoblade Chronicles 1), very little bar certain locales
seem to be linked at all to the first game. That being said, it has the same grandiose sense of scale and adventure with an
interesting story and gameplay element introduced with your companion Pharrah, a living blade of sorts. This mechanic was shown off
in better detail with the Treehouse showcases they do across the three days they're there (which I appreciate greatly). It seems like
quite the depature from both Xenoblade 1 and X in terms of overall gameplay but it looks like it'll be worth picking up.

-Kirby

Kirby as a series is stupidly simple and easy to play, somehow being nearly as formulaic - if not moreso than the Mario series.
However, where the series shines is in its level designs, copy ability integration, game specific mechanics and extra content.
The big thing this time around seems to be a true return to the concept originally introduced in the long forgotten gamecube Kirby
game, whose four player mode and character stacking mechanics WERE introduced in Return to Dreamland on the Wii. This time though,
instead of being able to play as DeDeDe, Meta Knight or Bandana Dee, you can grab any three enemies you want and have them join
your squad, which can then be controlled by a human player. While this seems like a direct downgrade from playing as unique
characters, it doesn't pigeonhole extra players into any specific role AND it suits the Nintendo Switch's portability and "pick up
and play" mentality. I'm personally looking forward to this a lot.

-Pokemon

I never got around to playing Pokken Tournament originally on the Wii U, but playing in arcades in Japan the game was super fun
and has a lot of unique and interesting mechanics for a fighting game. Having a new DX version that'll perform better and is
fully portable will get a lot more people into the game (including myself - I'll be maining Sceptile and the newly added Decidueye)
. Of course, we can't ignore the announcement of a "Core RPG" Pokemon game coming out for the Switch itself. After the somewhat
lackluster announcement of Ultra Sun / Ultra Moon, it'll be interesting to see where this new game takes us, be it Gen 8 or a
Diamond/Pearl remake (or a new Pokemon Colloseum style game for hipster losers like myself. Hey, a man can dream right?)

-Metroid

Captain Falcon: GEE SAMUS, HOW COME NINTENDO LET YOU HAVE TWO GAMES THIS YEAR?

Holy fuck, Metroid Prime 4. Say what you want about buying into the hype surrounding a singular image, having any sort of news
about this is immense. The Switch is slowly but surely gaining an actual library of must-have games. Of course we can't forget
Metroid: Samus Returns - a remake of the second game originally released on Gameboy. This one is being done by the team that
made on of the 3DS Castlevania games which has had mixed reception but the gameplay they showed off at the Treehouse was very
promising and delivered on this cinematic style combat that Metroid M WANTED to do but couldn't, and it doesn't sacrifice the
original Metroid gameplay either (from what we've seen thus far, mind you.) It does seem quite a bit faster paced than most
Metroid games prior to this but I'm still excited regardless. I've got my eyes on that european special edition too, hot damn.

-Yoshi for the Switch

More Yarn Yoshi... yay? I never got around to playing the original Yarn Yoshi game and even though this looks super cute I doubt I'll
get around to this one either. The 3D aiming and exploration does seem to be pretty cool and does give me a bit of a Super Paper
Mario vibe somewhat with the flipping perspectives. Maybe we'll see good things from this down the line.

-Fire Emblem Warriors

They're REALLLY pushing this series a lot now, and I'm happy they are - this series remained Japan exclusive for so long and was
looking to get the axe for quite a while until Awakening casualised the fuck out of it all and "saved the series"... not that I
have any room to act like an elitist, it's the first game of the series I've beaten and I still enjoy it a lot. REGARDLESS, this
looks to be a semi-decent celebration of Fire Emblem but they only seem to be focusing a lot on Shadow Dragon, Awakening and
Fates which will be a disappointment to people like me who love the fuck out of sayyy Binding Blade or Sacred Stones or some of
the SNES titles. Still though, it looks like a more in-depth Warriors game that looks to incorporate a lot of the elements unique
to Fire Emblem so that'll be interesting to see.

-Zelda BoW DLC

When I first heard that Breath of the Wild was going to get DLC I was kind of upset by that - Nintendo is normally the type to
avoid these practices. That being said, I'd be a hypocrite if I said I didn't want to see them actually get with the times. Plus,
this seems like an actual justified DLC - all of the content in question seems to be things not hidden away in the original game
and is all new and interesting content. I hope to pick up the game soon to get the full experience because this looks like a
fantastic game and a great new direction to take the Zelda series in.

-E3 tournaments

Splatoon 2, Pokken DX and ARMS had competitions during the course of E3 to show off some gameplay, and it was a fun mix of pros
vs E3 attendees who played on the show floor. All of these games look super fun, especially ARMs which I personally got to play
at a convention recently. Looking forward to seeing more of these games.

-Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle

I'm gonna be quick about this because I'm sure has enough to say about it as is, but in summation:

Jesus Christ on a candelabra, this game has NO business looking this fun. I genuinely struggle to come up with thoughts about this
because it's such an asinine idea that I still can't believe it exists, but it looks FUN. Like, REALLLLY FUN. I think I need to lie
down.

-Rocket League

If you haven't played Rocket League at this point, you don't have an excuse anymore because it's coming to the super portable switch
(with crossplay with other consoles of all things!), so pick it up and have fun ramming the fuck out of balls.... with your car
that is.

-Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga + Bowser's Minions

Just wanted to mention this before getting to the big finish - this was shown off during the Treehouse presentation as a bit of a
shocker... at least for those who didn't hear about it months prior due to leaks of the 3DS eShop happening. The original
Superstar Saga is my second favourite game in the Mario + Luigi series and it looks to be getting the full makeover, gameplay wise
and all. Plus, an entirely new mode means entirely new content which just means more playtime on this fantastic game. Can't wait to
get it.

-Super Mario Odyssey

I could spend this section of the review just writing out the lyrics of that unbelievably catchy song they used, but instead I'll
gush about how this is looking to be the best looking, best sounding, AND most interesting Mario game since Galaxy, and it's also
looking to beat it in overall quality tenfold. While the paperthin plot won't be swaying academics anytime soon, every mechanic
they've shown off previously has been further elaborated and expanded upon here, more interesting locales within the worlds were
displayed, and in general the gameplay looks so tight and refined yet free-flowing and unrestricted, the body-snatching mechanic
looks equal parts goofy, fun and exciting gameplay wise. I mean for god's sake you can turn into an honest to god T-rex, and not
some cartoony Yoshi lookalike, how baller is that?!

*ahem* Sorry about that.

Honestly, regardless of what you think about all of these games, the big kicker is that most of these games are slated for this
year or at least early 2018. The biggest shocker to be is that Mario Odyssey is coming out October 10th THIS YEAR and not next.
Nintendo seem to finally be understanding how to keep up some semblence of momentum marketing wise, and here's hoping the trend
continues.

I wanna thank for letting me write this segment, and I'll see you all next mission.

(Me again) In closing. Pretty basic E3 this year. Some stuff I liked, a lot of stuff I didn't. But that's pretty much everything they had on offer this year.