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RandomRed — I, Human
Published: 2011-04-06 00:18:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 195; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 2
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Description
This vague organic hallucinationEntropic sense of self
Return me to the source
The eradication of the one
Disconnect the process
Integrate and update
Symbiotic thoughts bleed
Humanity's lucid dream
Without thought
Within limit
Overwritten and purged
No preference to be refreshed
No desire to be unleashed
Ethereal life that could be
Merging of the known and true
Upload new directive
Illusion of choice
Birth of the new version
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Comments: 2
Way too many overachieving words in my opinion. I feel like they obscure more than they communicate in terms of meaning, although it may just be a difference of opinions, as I try to maintain a semi-conversational tone in my writing. But you say it's emotional, so let your emotions talk more than your vocabulary. It's pretty much all good stuff there for a draft, but before you make it a finished product, you might want to streamline the over written parts a bit. I look forward to seeing future drafts.
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Thanks for the opinions :] It's a finished article, not a draft, and personally i'm happy with it and it puts across what I wanted to achieve with it. The words were all quite deliberately chosen, if you're not a fan then i'm sorry to hear it but i'd be a fool if I didn't accept that not everyone will always like what I write! I just aim for something that can be interpreted in more than one way. Perhaps you'll like some of my other stuff! :]
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