lost-mister-me [2004-03-25 04:52:16 +0000 UTC]

"Would you come and visit
My pathetic little grave
Just sit and breathe beside me
And listen to the waves"

pathetic grave..yea. i can understand this. actually i like it. somewhat simple also. +fav.

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Wyn-- [2003-12-10 18:46:24 +0000 UTC]

i agree with ~goodmorning, it sounds fine to me, i think it's a good poem.

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sporkk [2003-11-21 03:51:54 +0000 UTC]

This is really powerful. I disagree with Kate and Chelsey though, I like the first stanza and I think the last 2 lines are actually the weakest in the piece. To me the second stanza is the most powerful and I think it'd be good to have it last, but that's just my oppinion.
One thing: is I was buried underground?
Anyway, this really is a beautiful poem. To me the beach on a windy, cloudy day in the afternoon is the best place in the world to just sit and think.

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ruzkin [2003-11-19 23:30:41 +0000 UTC]

You've stirred emotion in me, which is a rare thing. Great work.

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i-am-what-i-am [2003-11-19 08:59:40 +0000 UTC]

wow.... now this i like.... this is AMAZING.... i really did enjoy it.... i can see evverything so clearly...... very pictuous

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smokeybear [2003-11-19 06:59:18 +0000 UTC]

I love the last verse especially

Nice work!

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goodmorning [2003-11-19 04:55:10 +0000 UTC]

great poem, i think its fine as is, it flows really well
great work

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feed-me-tears [2003-11-19 00:27:31 +0000 UTC]

wow amazing!!
great work!!
luv

megz

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crystalgazer [2003-11-18 12:36:41 +0000 UTC]

I like it alot, but it didn't sound like it was finished - i think it had a really strong beginning but the ending was lacking something - great work though

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tia-the-fairy [2003-11-18 08:57:48 +0000 UTC]

i agree with kate on that the first verse doesn't seem as strong as the last two

i especially like this bit
Just sit and breathe beside me
And listen to the waves

beautiful

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abuseme [2003-11-18 07:51:32 +0000 UTC]

yes
strong piece
perhaps not the first verse so much
but last two verses are amazing

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silent-screamer [2003-11-18 07:30:22 +0000 UTC]

graves at the beack ... can't say I've ever contimplated the idea before ... it actually sounds kinda nice. Serene. The beach just seems like a good place to think about life, and death and stuff ...

anyways, great poem.

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CuChullain12 [2003-11-18 07:15:45 +0000 UTC]

Harold Holt, we hardly knew ye.

good piece.

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luatheist [2003-11-18 06:37:03 +0000 UTC]

And a fitting title it is. Had to read this one over a couple of times (the sign of good poetry). Excellent work.

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