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RedKarma — Four
Published: 2004-10-02 07:07:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 438; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
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Description I know too much
I sense it all
I'm taking in all these emotions you all take for granted
And now that I know it's fucking killing me
You miss the fact and distort the truth
To manipulate
To scare
To take our control and keep it as your own
Making us think that we are individuals
Following our own
If we only had a fucking clue that in our search for truth we pick our path
But we follow what's there once we've chosen
Religion
Peace
Hate
Love
All together is there an answer?
Of course there is more than just these 4 words
But can you make sense of just 4?
Can you make sense of more than 4?
And since there are more than just 4 words to describe all the chaos that fills
our minds on a daily basis
How many are there?
Have I or we missed any?
Will we ever know?
Maybe 216
Maybey not
But that would explain why we all keep searching
Why we never really feel complete
Don't lie to me and say that you do....

I fucking know better!

I know that scares you!
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Comments: 8

X-Loki-X [2004-10-11 09:50:16 +0000 UTC]

call it "Just Four" or "Four"

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RedKarma In reply to X-Loki-X [2004-10-13 06:47:59 +0000 UTC]

I like four! Thank you sooo much

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millykid [2004-10-04 12:55:04 +0000 UTC]

i would cut it up more - scatter - make longer lines shorter, it's a bit hard to read like this at times

as for a title ...


'morality a.d.' came to mind ...

dunno, just brain storm thing-y, will take another look tomorrow

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RedKarma In reply to millykid [2004-10-05 01:30:57 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. I was thinking of keeping it the way it is because it just came to me within 5 minutes of watching the Presidential Debates. I get a little worked up watching those things. I also wanted to let you know that I am still reading your last post thinking of what I want to post on it. I have dialup here but T1 at work. I'm going to comment tomorrow but I like how you write it. I love how the way you set the line to set the tone for reading. Really great!

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millykid In reply to RedKarma [2004-10-05 09:36:02 +0000 UTC]

i can appreciate that

and thanks!

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RedKarma In reply to millykid [2004-10-06 04:08:40 +0000 UTC]

Om het even wanneer!

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millykid In reply to RedKarma [2004-10-06 07:37:41 +0000 UTC]

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alienhead [2004-10-02 18:31:42 +0000 UTC]

But we follow what's there once we've choosen

"choosen" should be "chosen."

It may be just me, but personally I'd break down those longer lines into two or three. Instead of:

"And since there are more than just 4 words to describe all the chaos that fills"

try this:

And since there are more than just 4 words
to describe all the chaos that fills
our minds on a daily basis


The same goes for "Have I or we missed any?":

Have I
or we
missed any?

Just suggestions. I'm not a poet, though--I'm merely guessing.

~TK

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