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Published: 2017-09-25 19:08:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 2025; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 0
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Obsessed by grief and fury the circumstances led Robert to start to hate his only remained son! Since he's the one who carries the sole responsobility for his hopes and future being taken!
William Jack was buried in the family crypt of the Lessing's which Robert would visit every day from now on. Enough tormented by his past, his quite remarkable shivering in his hands should be strengnehmend even further after he began to hit the bottle! Everything was lost! Since he could not practise for a long time himself. What should he do? Couldn't he start 'afresh' again? And with... John? This good-for-nothing! Maybe? After all it was John , who would inherit everything once his time would come as well...
Of course Caroline mourned for her son too, but without making John the scapegoat unlike her husband! For that her heart suffered. Over and over she suffered from arrhythmia and pain in her chest which made her collapse two times and forced her not to leave the bed anymore. And again it was John who did not leave her side. She hardly saw Robert anymore, however she clearly heard him when he loudly came home drunk at very late hours. Again and again Robert shouted out loud, threw things around and cursed the day of John's birth which he was always reminded of due to them having the same birthday!
John and his mother could not help themselves but to notice the racket, whereupon John stepped into the hall and to his father. He (Robert), with a firm plan to turn this loser of a son into something decent. And in order to reach this, so he knew, he had to blackmail Caroline's angel! To force him to it! With which was simple. At the same night, as John wanted to calm his father down and bring him to bed, he threatened him that he would not take William's place at this point and he would provide to bring his mother in a home for women in need of care - far away from London! But not a good and highly qualified one - oh no! The same applied to his mother if he dared to lose a word about it in front of her! John obeyed once again, from the love of his mother, because he knew that his father was very unpredictable if risked and that certain contacts, thanks to his professional career, would very well come to good.
Thus in September of the same year (1873) he started to begin with his foredoomed medicine study instead of starting his education as a shipwright. Caroline did not understand why and how this change of heart came to be and, above all, the sudden exchange of interest from John for medicine as well as Robert's interest for his second son...
However, she had a very bad supposition...
Though she found out nothing from both. (For the time being) Robert stopped to drink and John tried to assure her that this was his true way. Father was right all along. But also because he could look after her even better, due to the learned knowledge. John tried to 'sell' it (his reasons why) as good as he possibly could to his mother, however she could see in his eyes (like he saw it in hers), that it was not the truth as well as it was not his (her) wish to do this step (no matter which consequences it might bring!) All the encourage helped nothing. Caroline neither knew inwards nor outwards. What she knew however was that Robert would not listen to her. He didn't do this long since. But who could she talk to?
The only person that occurred once more stood completely out of question! It had been years over years since the last time they heard from each other let alone changed a word. And after this one night they fell into an almost infinite silence. How should she dare to write him only in her need NOW? This did not mean that William hadn't been informed about certain things. She was sure that John Sutton had probably informed him about the 'most important' incidents. But he lost no word about the same friend if one saw itself. No, this one time she would keep William away from this game... although she never told him that the boy she and her husband carried to grave had been his! No she just simply wasn't able!
Did it even mattered now?
He was happy with Mina... wasn't he?
He had a life and a very good one too! As well as she heard from the dentist, William finally owned his own practice. And who was she to take this all from him by telling him the truth?
No, one preserved silence! Again years moved into the country. Years in which John became more of a shadow of himself. The study dragged itself increasingly. Besides, he lacked the zest as well as the highly skilled mind of his brother which Robert made him feel over and over again! He kept comparing how fast William learned, how quickly he understood something etc...
By John's rather bad replacing, his father even started to control him properly. What he ate, when and how much. How much he slept and when he had to learn. It didn't interested Robert how much this torture dragged the boy's health and that, with full consciousness, he risked to lose him like Will once. Caroline did not fail to notice and she kept asking to slack the grip of his reins. She almost begged her husband, but he however left her on her own when he wasn't shouting at her to stay out of this.
And again these arguments went to the health of Mrs. Lessing. Although she was surprised by a wave of vitality, which allowed her to leave the house again and held on for two years, the precipitation should hit harder than one had expected. Because Caroline fell, inexplicably for the family, ill with tuberculosis. (1878) For the beginning she kept it as a secret. Particularly for John, which she couldn't managed for long. Over and over again she choked and spitted out more and more blood! And soon it was not possible for her to hide her suffering. While John's worry and above all fear for his mother grew more and more, Robert however saw his wife's illness as a new option prove himself medically for the last time, for example with the already outdated methods and techniques of the pneumothorax (and pneumolysis).
Besides, Robert furthermore gleaned that since 1855 there was a Tuberculosis sanitarium (lung welfare site) in the Lower Silesian village Görbergs and suggested Caroline to bring her there, since one advised him in unison to not apply the old methods anymore. And for the very first time John recommended his father's recommendations, although Mrs. Lessing did not think about leaving her son and England for this far! She refused and insured that, with some patience, a recovery would be possible in their home garden as well. John asked her imploringly, but did not manage his mother to return! Thus he took the necessary action and literally looked after her himself, which did not come 'to good' for his studies. And if destiny didn't affected this family enough already, another sideswipe was given. Because even John should, as a subsequent due to his self-sacrificing care, be pinned by the illnesses, even though not in the same degree as his mother YET!
Unfortunately all the good and form hope did not help and Mrs. Lessing should disappear from this world forever, one day before the holy evening! (1878) The deepest blow in the life of the young John Lessing. This tear in his heart seemed incurable, with which the Christmas fest from now on (and for the first) seemed to be anything but joyful. But even Robert was hit by this loss, although he didn't really showed it. Since yes, no matter what had happened, he loved his wife from the very first moment! ONLY her all alone!
At the time she passed away he was not present and therefore, the chance to ask her for forgiveness for everything he had done was denied. It was also Robert who took care of the funeral and exceptionally stopped to harass his son for his TOO sentimental heart. Over and over he withdrew into his mother's bedroom, looked at pictures of her, read old letters and diary entries in which she spoke of him and his childhood. With it he found, by chance, a secret compartment inside her drawer which contained another book named 'Forever you'. These entries, these memories were valid for just one, quite special man - William Argar!
John, who had only paged through the book, began to read the last lines of his mother - "I've never forgotten you and now will wait for you at a better place!" and did not understand. Only after he took the time to read it completely, the scales would fall from his eyes. Because now he knew about her biggest secret she had while still alive - her love and and child to and from William - his 'uncle Will'!
The Lessing offspring did not know whether he should be shattered, outraged or sad about this new knowledge, but one thing was certain - his father would go berserk! Still... should at least HE finally tell this to the man who inwardly and eternally loved his mother? Should he reveal that the brother he had and who treated him so inhumanly wasn't 100% his own flesh and blood? He did not know...
Like his believed brother before, Caroline was buried in the family crypt as well. It was a very small circle of persons, whom the secret lover of Mrs. Lessing stayed away from. Robert, as well as John Sutton had informed him (William Argar) about her death, but never received a reaction.
Though there was one anyway! On the day he received Robert's letter, his world broke in two and his heart died like Caroline's had before! Therefore he was simply not able to stand with his friends on the grave of the beloved woman whom he could never have!
Only days, almost weeks later in which the 'everyday life' would take place again, he ventured to visit her grave alone, hoping not to meet Robert and his son John there. But exacly THIS should happen!
Just as William had given his last tribute to the deceased lover, the two last Lessings approached. Robert noticed his old friend straight away, spoke and stopped him and asked why he only came now. Clearly emotional, William hesitated with an answer and explained that he, vocationally, had a lot to do and that some very special patients made it impossible for him to come. Not only was William emotionally outraged, also John was thanks to the circumstance of being face to face with the man who was the father of his 'brother'. What John and no one else knew was that Caroline sent a farewell letter to Will. In this she had finally described the full truth to her darling and at the same time asked him to quietly forgive her. Because he, and only he, would understand what the truth would have arranged...
This was too much for John and he asked his father to forgive him. He'd wait for him further away. Robert approved it, nevertheless he did not understand and explained that the boy was TOO mawkish towards the old friend, with a rather pejorative smiling beyond his son's hearing. William however didn't understand this tone towards John and asked the former surgeon why he talked so derogatory about his son. And this should be a mistake...
Robert further spoke about John while he laid the hand on the cold stone and name of his believed real son who shared the name with the man next to it. John had gone wrong and stupid. Not worth all the money and above that lifetime he had already placed in the rascal. But which choice would he still have now? William once - he was perfect. But his friend wouldn't be able to understand this, because he himself never had a son and the father of two girls was not comparable. Feeling the point clearly, William could not restrain likewise and mentioned that he would not have spoiled his son (like Robert did) and regretted this statement the moment it fell. Robert angered about this outrageous accusation. Since to him, the only one who had spoilt him was Caroline! She alone would've almost raised him to a weakling, just like John was one now, if he wouldn't have had intervened. She herself had always been TOO soft and had TOO MANY absurd ideas! Exactly THIS should kindle the crossfire, because Will could not allow Robert (husband or not) to talk like this about his angel! Hence it degenerated so far that Will, now larded with the same travesty and sarcasm, asked Robert whatever really had been so blind all these years?! He didn't understand what Will, with tears in his eyes and a bubbling fury inside his stomach, meant and wanted to escape as he told the plain truth, knowing that they wouldn't be friends anymore afterwards!
And just as it should turn out, as John, still apart from his father, waited and saw (as well as heard!) how he began to yell like a savage and, with a lurch, tore the flowers of the grave of his mother. Robert asked Will if he was abounded by the spirits and what he claimed, however, he fell silent straight away as Will would bring out the letter. In a hurry he took it away from Will, flew over the lines which handwriting was definitely assigned with Caroline and swallowed hardly. He started to grind his teeth hardly which was clearly revealed by his cheek bones. In spite of this written proof he refused to believe the truth, instead he cursed more and demanded Will to leave immediately. He left and silently passed the waiting John in whose look he saw that he also knew about the truth. For a short moment John waited. He looked after Will and then back to his father again, until he decided to leave him alone and to go home instead.
A home he would soonly not have in his life anymore... Since Robert captivated the alcohol once again and became more intolerable than ever!
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Timeline:
1878:
- Disease of Caroline with tuberculosis (67y.), Death in winter of the same year (23.12)
1879:
- Exposure of Caroline's secret regarding her first-born thanks to a letter and a hidden diary