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RiverSong0708 — Corrections
Published: 2012-04-06 18:14:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 471; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 4
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Description I wore a new blouse today
Cinched around the waist
With little satin pink flowers
Upon ivory white
That nearly matched my skin

I wore extra makeup today
To cover up freckles
And the splotches of rosy red
Upon my cheeks
Framed by my natural goldy-locks

I wore my hair a different way today
Just the way they prefer it
With curls and pins and hairspray
Upon my butterscotch strands
So that I cannot run my fingers through it

I wore a new blouse today
Just to please them
And they all told me
"You look so pretty today!"
But they are so wrong
For I look beautiful everyday.
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RiverSong0708 - AP Eng III: Billy Budd
Comments: 14

haijinik [2012-04-13 16:01:07 +0000 UTC]

hey there. i am a lit. admin. for #BeginnersUnite .

i think your poems is well constructed, and the pattern repetition, stanza to stanza, works very well.
the only thing that i thing might be made better is maybe a bit of editing in the third stanza to help it take a similar visual shape to the other stanzas, though if doing that would harm the content, i don't think it would be worth it.

nice work and keep writing.

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RiverSong0708 In reply to haijinik [2012-04-13 17:57:26 +0000 UTC]

I will definitely take your words into consideration, thank you very much~

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Life-Is-Oppurtunity [2012-04-08 03:24:23 +0000 UTC]

Very interesting, it seems a bit.. mellow, calm, and yet factual. I like your use of description.

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RiverSong0708 In reply to Life-Is-Oppurtunity [2012-04-08 05:22:44 +0000 UTC]

Why thank you, I appreciate your thought~

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TaylorHotner101 [2012-04-07 19:17:22 +0000 UTC]

Your Author's Note pretty much summed up my school life xD

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RiverSong0708 In reply to TaylorHotner101 [2012-04-07 21:46:16 +0000 UTC]

Haha, I'm glad we can relate, and thank you for commenting

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cardinal-hearts [2012-04-07 18:15:16 +0000 UTC]

I feel like I read this before. ._. I'm not implying you stole it or anything, I'm just saying. c: But, lovely poem.

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RiverSong0708 In reply to cardinal-hearts [2012-04-07 18:23:56 +0000 UTC]

Lol! Well, I assure you it is 100% mine and inspired purely by overviewing my school week while taking a wonderful afternoon bath Haha, I very much appreciate the comment~

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cardinal-hearts In reply to RiverSong0708 [2012-04-07 18:25:19 +0000 UTC]

Oh, I know it's yours. I just got a sense of deja vu whilst reading it.

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RiverSong0708 In reply to cardinal-hearts [2012-04-07 18:26:33 +0000 UTC]

Haha! I love those moments

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Scarlet-Raven64 [2012-04-06 18:44:02 +0000 UTC]

Last lines made me smile. Beautiful piece. And maybe im wrong, likely all your writings is beautiful hehehe.

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RiverSong0708 In reply to Scarlet-Raven64 [2012-04-06 19:03:50 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad I could make you smile, and I really appreciate your sweet words

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Wandering-Serenity [2012-04-06 18:42:56 +0000 UTC]

Well said, people don't change just because of a little makeup.

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RiverSong0708 In reply to Wandering-Serenity [2012-04-06 19:03:16 +0000 UTC]

Agreed! And thank you for commenting

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