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Description

There is something that I want to say out loud before I reduce myself to insanity.

I'm am mentally a fragile person. You see... I have been struggling with my mental health for over 6 years now. Even since the start of 2017, a lot of terrible things have happened to everyone, especially me. From the start of the pandemic to the start of the Russian Ukraine war, I feel as if I am living in a dying world and that there is no point in living.

It does not help that I have a lot of personal issues to deal with such as my work which is becoming increasingly more difficult to solve and complete, my deteriorating relationship with my family, me learning that I have multiple schlerosis in May 2017, the loss of my hippo plush as of 28 June 2022, my poor grades and so on. The more dreadful events happened, the more pessimistic I became. I was unable to sleep properly because of this.

Soon enough, dark thoughts entered my mind, I started thinking about self-harm and suicide and my inner demons started infesting my head. They say stuff such as “I am a loathsome piece of wretched garbage waiting to be thrown away.” or “Kill yourself idiot!” or even “Abandon hope.” Some even have audacity to flip me and yap profanities at me.

My thoughts became darker and darker until I feel as if I was sinking deeper into the watery abyss and that I would be unable to find my happiness again, and just when I thought that I had hit rock bottom, a light appeared in front of me, telling me that there was still hope left and I could swim in the sea of despair. I resurfaced, knowing that the battle may be over, but the war has not ended yet and that I have to keep fighting for my happiness if I am going to survive till the next day. For the first time in my life, I smiled at the light, as if to thank it for assisting me in finding my inner strength.

Rather than wait for the stars to appear in front of me, I’m going to search for the stars myself. From here on out, I want to inspire hope in people and bring light into an otherwise dark, cold and cruel world.

I don’t want to think about dark thoughts or suicide anymore. They have gotten so bad that I want it out of my head. If it is gonna hurt someone like Gachavic and Marian, then it’s gonna hurt everyone else. No one wants to see me die.

Description

There is something that I want to say out loud before I reduce myself to insanity.

I'm am mentally a fragile person. You see... I have been struggling with my mental health for over 6 years now. Even since the start of 2017, a lot of terrible things have happened to everyone, especially me. From the start of the pandemic to the start of the Russian Ukraine war, I feel as if I am living in a dying world and that there is no point in living.

It does not help that I have a lot of personal issues to deal with such as my work which is becoming increasingly more difficult to solve and complete, my deteriorating relationship with my family, me learning that I have multiple schlerosis in May 2017, the loss of my hippo plush as of 28 June 2022, my poor grades and so on. The more dreadful events happened, the more pessimistic I became. I was unable to sleep properly because of this.

Soon enough, dark thoughts entered my mind, I started thinking about self-harm and suicide and my inner demons started infesting my head. They say stuff such as “I am a loathsome piece of wretched garbage waiting to be thrown away.” or “Kill yourself idiot!” or even “Abandon hope.” Some even have audacity to flip me and yap profanities at me.

My thoughts became darker and darker until I feel as if I was sinking deeper into the watery abyss and that I would be unable to find my happiness again, and just when I thought that I had hit rock bottom, a light appeared in front of me, telling me that there was still hope left and I could swim in the sea of despair. I resurfaced, knowing that the battle may be over, but the war has not ended yet and that I have to keep fighting for my happiness if I am going to survive till the next day. For the first time in my life, I smiled at the light, as if to thank it for assisting me in finding my inner strength.

Rather than wait for the stars to appear in front of me, I’m going to search for the stars myself. From here on out, I want to inspire hope in people and bring light into an otherwise dark, cold and cruel world.

I don’t want to think about dark thoughts or suicide anymore. They have gotten so bad that I want it out of my head. If it is gonna hurt someone like Gachavic and Marian, then it’s gonna hurt everyone else. No one wants to see me die.