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RosalinaVmbraticus In reply to raverzombie69 [2017-11-12 07:55:48 +0000 UTC]

Yay, maybe 

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RosalinaVmbraticus In reply to RosalinaVmbraticus [2017-11-12 08:40:41 +0000 UTC]

I don't mind written it there...

Otherwise my soul have some kind of traumatise or i've made the wrong pact...
I don't understand myself. I'm really confuse. The way i look a the world...
I don't think i'm still suffering like i did before. My eyes have changed, i see quintessence in every human and what they can do. I am more obsess with every detail in the creation, every art that is hidden in this world. I want to try them all, touch them all. I don't particulate want to die. I've been trying really hard to be someone better and more alive, but i feel fake. Not there. Not in position to do anything. 
my soul  i can't touch it, i can't get access to myself.  I don't feel my emotion anymore. It's been a while now that i am stuck in this position. And feeling alive is the very purpose of being human, i think.. That make life hard to live. Honestly, i am so unsure of my futur. I did'nt think i would actually be alive this long to be here. 
I thought it was the drugs, so i've stop it. Cause i started it at the same time of my life that that start. At the very first time that i feel an emotion that was that real, and at this very firt time, without realizing it, every other hidden one was dying. Until even that very last one, that was so intense, also get extinct. Drugs was just making the thing less obvious. Time was passing by.. 

but since then, when i am happy, it's like if ..i was stealing energy from the source of the one with and that only make my breath ''lighter''. There's no joy, neither any exitation, not anything. And if i am alone, i still feel like i'm drainning them from far away. Drainning every thing that's alive around. I cannot fake having emotions. My soul remember from before what it's like and i know what kind of damage that can do to be faking that kind of thing. 
No matter how optimistic my days are, i don't know what to do to pass over that chapter. I feel really alone in this. But i can't shake the sinking feelings i get to let people close to me. I can't feel them, i can see them. That's all. I see them in every way they are, but can't get access to what they are. 

A vampire, a living dead would be more alive then me. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
 

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BlackDragon213 In reply to RosalinaVmbraticus [2018-05-31 17:02:59 +0000 UTC]

I don't really know anything about you, except that you seem to get your titles from glances or instances in hell, if you want to call it that... and demons do take notice, ever read Dantes inferno? I think you should maybe take some time for yourself though, to find out what you really value in life and what you want to achieve, and lying to yourself just makes you more fucked up I would think.. I don't know how old you are, but I am assuming you are at least 19.
its called 'getting in touch with your emotions' lots of people do it and lots of people need it. not really that uncommon. 
but the thing about it is, 'goths' have a reputation, at least here and everywhere I've been, of being sort of cold and uncaring, emotionless even, too obsessed with death to care much for living, which also is suicidal, though thats just the down side of the 'goth' subculture. theres also the up, with the value of beauty and the love of life one can get from being close to death. but if your around death a lot, there is the higher value of life that can come from it, but also detachment from life and the world can come with it, theres always boundaries and we are human, we still feel bad about people dying and so forth. 
for your emotions, try playing with some blocks til you cry (not a metaphor)

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raverzombie69 In reply to RosalinaVmbraticus [2017-11-12 07:57:26 +0000 UTC]

Note me. I’m here for you.

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