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Description
During finals week, I had two panic attacks. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I was 13, and it's something I'm medicated for. Mostly, it doesn't happen. But due to the increased stress and overwhelming deadlines during that week, I broke down. I felt what I hadn't felt in a while. It's come to my attention that people who haven't ever had a panic attack don't understand exactly what happens during one. Let me break it down for you...

It starts off simple. Maybe it's a lingering fear, maybe it's a fleeting thought. Whatever it is, you feel it build up in your stomach. It soon builds up to the point where you can't focus on whatever you were doing. Your mind starts to race. It takes that little thought dwelling in your mind and it blows up. It doesn't matter how small the thought was. It suddenly becomes all you can think about. And it's huge. In my case, it was failing a class. While that is a bad thing, my mind drilled into it and took it to another level. In my mind, if I failed this class, I would lose my scholarship. I wouldn't be able to graduate from college. My own mother would stop loving me. Now, looking back on it, I know of course none of this was true. But in that moment, that feeling in my stomach was telling me "No, this is all going to happen." I felt what I hadn't felt in a long time: fear. I was terrified. I started to cry. That feeling in your stomach moves. Now it's in your chest. It hurts so bad, you think maybe you're having a heart attack, maybe you're dying. Time slows down. Nothing else seems real. Suddenly, your lungs feel empty. So you draw in quick, short breaths. Now you're hyperventilating. No matter how much you breath though, it doesn't seem like it's enough. Your head aches, your heart pounds, and you're SCARED. And you don't know how long it will last. Maybe only a few minutes? I've had one that lasted about 45 minutes. I start talking to myself. I verbalize every insecurity and fear that runs through my mind. I can't tell myself that I'm not thinking rationally, because in that moment, I am. In my state of frantic panic, I make sense. Every terrible thought makes sense to me, and is completely plausible.

These attacks are bad enough when they're isolated. I was talking to my best friend the other night, and she was talking about when she experienced what she thought was a panic attack. She told me what happened, and I confirmed it was an attack. I told her this is what I had to deal with. I would have them two or three times a week. When they happen this often, it puts you on edge. You're never sure what will trigger them. It interferes with your life. No matter how happy you are normally, these attacks drag you down, and they break you.

And it was these two panic attacks that inspired me to draw. I knew from the start how I wanted it to turn out. I knew exactly what I was going to do. And I'm happy with how it turned out. I think it really shows the effects of repeated attacks. How detrimental they really are to your livelihood.

Art and Character (c)

Description
During finals week, I had two panic attacks. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I was 13, and it's something I'm medicated for. Mostly, it doesn't happen. But due to the increased stress and overwhelming deadlines during that week, I broke down. I felt what I hadn't felt in a while. It's come to my attention that people who haven't ever had a panic attack don't understand exactly what happens during one. Let me break it down for you...

It starts off simple. Maybe it's a lingering fear, maybe it's a fleeting thought. Whatever it is, you feel it build up in your stomach. It soon builds up to the point where you can't focus on whatever you were doing. Your mind starts to race. It takes that little thought dwelling in your mind and it blows up. It doesn't matter how small the thought was. It suddenly becomes all you can think about. And it's huge. In my case, it was failing a class. While that is a bad thing, my mind drilled into it and took it to another level. In my mind, if I failed this class, I would lose my scholarship. I wouldn't be able to graduate from college. My own mother would stop loving me. Now, looking back on it, I know of course none of this was true. But in that moment, that feeling in my stomach was telling me "No, this is all going to happen." I felt what I hadn't felt in a long time: fear. I was terrified. I started to cry. That feeling in your stomach moves. Now it's in your chest. It hurts so bad, you think maybe you're having a heart attack, maybe you're dying. Time slows down. Nothing else seems real. Suddenly, your lungs feel empty. So you draw in quick, short breaths. Now you're hyperventilating. No matter how much you breath though, it doesn't seem like it's enough. Your head aches, your heart pounds, and you're SCARED. And you don't know how long it will last. Maybe only a few minutes? I've had one that lasted about 45 minutes. I start talking to myself. I verbalize every insecurity and fear that runs through my mind. I can't tell myself that I'm not thinking rationally, because in that moment, I am. In my state of frantic panic, I make sense. Every terrible thought makes sense to me, and is completely plausible.

These attacks are bad enough when they're isolated. I was talking to my best friend the other night, and she was talking about when she experienced what she thought was a panic attack. She told me what happened, and I confirmed it was an attack. I told her this is what I had to deal with. I would have them two or three times a week. When they happen this often, it puts you on edge. You're never sure what will trigger them. It interferes with your life. No matter how happy you are normally, these attacks drag you down, and they break you.

And it was these two panic attacks that inspired me to draw. I knew from the start how I wanted it to turn out. I knew exactly what I was going to do. And I'm happy with how it turned out. I think it really shows the effects of repeated attacks. How detrimental they really are to your livelihood.

Art and Character (c)