HOME | DD

Description
Title: I hate Tomorrow
Pairing Leo/Raph
Rating: M/16 (Don’t make me ask for your ID)
Contains: Angst, T-cest, mature content, feels (if you no like, don’t read)
By: Ryu-Amio (I own no turtles)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He's finally asleep.

I think...

When his body becomes peaceful in my embrace and his breathing slows to become gentle, carefree sighs... that's when Leo is asleep.

And... it's also my cue to leave his side...

Every morning, I wait for him to drift off, and once he does I sneak away to return to my room before the others in the Lair wake up.

The time it takes to pry myself away from his warmth is painful.
His simple sleeping expression is something I've grown to love.
That, along with his soft, comforting scent that only I seem to notice, makes returning to my room at this late hour almost impossible.

Even so, I carefully slip out of his grip.
My body is hit with a sudden cold as I emerge from his covers. I scrabble to collect my things, strewn about his room by us careless lovers.

Ah... my mask. I can't find it.

In this bland, featureless room Leo retreats to at the end of the day, any colour would be out of place. But finding a single streak of red becomes difficult at this time of night.

The darkness is like a fog down here. Cold. Wrapping around me. Suffocating.
Looking for something in the dark becomes, unnerving. If Leo had a nightlight like I do, this would go a lot easier.

I decided to go. I'll collect my mask tomorrow. No big deal.
I'll just say Leo took it to bug me. They'll buy that right?

I chanced one last glance at my hapless brother. Sleeping soundly.
He's different behind closed doors, when he shows me his true sides.
His cold facade and harsh leader mindset is completely broken down when I kiss him.
Hehee... especially there... and there...

For a few moments, I amused myself with fond, if what dirty memories while gazing at his resting expression...

Then I remember... It's late.

Just as I took a step towards the door I felt his hand grab hold of my arm.
"Raph...?" I heard him murmur.

I turned back, expecting to see this as a sleepy reflex.
But no, Leo sat upright, fully awake. A look of genuine pain ebbed onto his face.

"Where are you going!?" he exclaimed loudly, not caring who he might wake up.
I didn't really know how to answer, or what to say at all...
I just looked at him, somewhat dumbfounded by his question.

Leo held on to my arm, his fingers digging into me, desperately trying to display his refusal to let me go.

Tugging at me gently, he urged me to sit. As I did, his other hand gripped me as well, as if to ensure I won't slip away again.
He took a few moments to collect his thoughts...

"You..." he uttered one word before choking up.
Whatever he wanted to say, it seemed to have been plaguing his thoughts for a while now...

"You wait till I'm asleep..." he mumbled.
Even in the dark, I could see him shaking.
"... then, when I wake up... You're always gone."

Leo's grip around my arm tightened.
With his eyes cast down and the tremble in his voice, his pathetic words continued to slip out.

"The last thing I see, is you. And the first thing I see, is not.
I just... don't like it..."

"...Leo."

My free hand rose to cup his face, offering some reassurance while my words hurt him further.
"I can't stay..."

Leo's face cringed.
He knows that.

After a kiss and what felt like several minutes, his grip loosened.

I offered him a lighthearted smile.
"I'll be back here again tomorrow ni-"

"Don't say that!" He exclaimed. "I hate tomorrow!"

His words came out of nowhere, but it was like he was holding on to them this whole time...

"Leo...?"

My brother grit his teeth, and though his eyes were still downcast, I could suddenly see a terrifying swirl of anger and fear welling up inside them.

"At night I'm so tired... My eyes hurt... but... I hate going to sleep!
As soon as I do, tomorrow starts. I hate tomorrow!" his words grew louder. I tried to calm him down, but my efforts only seemed to enrage him more.

"Leo you're not making sense. You don't know what will happen tomorrow.
It might be just like today, maybe better." I reasoned.

"...and maybe not." his tone grew harsh.

"Tomorrow might be the day the Kraang invade again." he stated coldly
"Tomorrow The Foot clan might find our home..."

Leo fell silent for a bit.

"Tomorrow... might be the day I go to bed without seeing your face again.
.... or ever again."

A lump formed in my throat.
I looked at him, his eyes lacking any light or strength.
As I tried to come to terms with these thoughts, Leo's true feelings, he droned on.

"We'll fight...
We'll say goodbye to people we love...
Go places far from here...
You'll leave my side...
The world will end...
We'll all die...
All these things will happen, one 'tomorrow' at a time."

His voice lacked feeling or any kind of doubt, as if he had been reciting these words to himself all his life. They came as naturally as breathing.
Leo's hands rose to cover his face, trying desperately not to cry.

This fear...
These uncertainties...
How long have they haunted my proud, noble lover?
How could I never see them?
Me, who he shares everything with... couldn't notice these things till now.

In that moment, with my face blank at this revelation, tears came.
Tears devoid of sobbing or weeps, just... simple tears, spilling forth from emerald eyes.
And I knew why:

I cried, because I didn't know... any of this.
And what's worse... I didn't know how to comfort him... at all.

Nothing came to me that would ease his mind, nothing I can say would make these thoughts of his disappear.
That... made me unbelievably sad...
I didn't even attempt to hide these tears.
I felt disgrace.
I'm... a poor lover... for not truly knowing his heart.
The heart that beats in tune with mine.

Leo shifted closer, telling me that crying didn't suit me as he wiped my tears away.
I sat on his bedside, overwhelmed by the thoughts that he has carried with him for who knows how long... I couldn't speak... But I was trying, desperately, to say something.
Anything.

His head came to rest against my shoulder, and when he opened his mouth to utter a cliché, his words were so heavy I almost felt them weighing me down.

"I hope tomorrow doesn't come..."

I simply rested my head against his. I had nothing to add.

We stayed like this... for what felt like hours. Just staring into the abyss that had filled his room. Wrapped in darkness and silence and cold, neither had anything to say.

Is this... okay?
To think this way?
To just have this fear by part of your life?
Could I face him tomorrow, knowing these thoughts loom over him?

It took me a while to see the obvious answer:

'Pfft... like hell I'll just let this slide!'

"Leo...?" I asked as he was trying hard not to fall asleep laying against me.
In the dark, my hand sought out his, and held it tightly.
"What can I do, to make tomorrow better?"

He didn't say anything.

"I won't let you keep thinking this way." I stated as somberly as I could.

He still stayed quiet.

"I don't want you to hate tomorrow."
"...why not?" he asked, almost begrudgingly.

"Because... tomorrow... we're gonna have pizza." I stated.

...
...
At first, it was quiet, then... he chuckled...
A soft, carefree giggle that cut through the night's icy grip like a hot blade.

"Tomorrow... we're gonna watch TV.
We're gonna train and show the B team who's boss.
We're gonna see cool stuff and save a bunch of lives.
I'm gonna be right here, like always..."

I tore my eyes away from the abyss before us and turned to face him, feeling my cheeks burn in a mixture of conviction and embarrassment. He felt me move and pushed himself up to meet my gaze, his eyes devoid of that earlier fear.

"Tomorrow... I'm going to kiss you..." My fingers rose, pointing out two spots between his neck and shoulder "....here.... and here..."

Leo blushed.

"When I look at your face, I want to see you happy. And I'll make you happy: tomorrow and every tomorrow after that."

Leo laughingly winced at my heartfelt confession, finding it too ridicules to take seriously, but he smiled. He smiled genuinely, and that's all that matters...

"Thanks Raphie..." he cooed, cuddling up to me once more. All trace of his previous anger and anxiety wiped away by a few simple words.

I don't know if those words will make his fears disappear forever... but if all he needs is one or two words to keep his fears at bay, then I'll be here to reassure him every day. With however many words he needs.

I kissed his forehead, something I'm rarely able to do.
Leo groaned and pushed me away, complaining about how much he dislikes me doing that.
Before he finally told me goodnight, he produced my mask from underneath his pillow, meekly offering it to me.

I smiled, jokingly scolding him for playing pranks at this hour.

Just as I tried to take it, he yanked the crimson band away at the last second.
Leo smiled shyly...

"What's wrong Leo?"

"I...I'll give it back tomorrow..."

End.

Description
Title: I hate Tomorrow
Pairing Leo/Raph
Rating: M/16 (Don’t make me ask for your ID)
Contains: Angst, T-cest, mature content, feels (if you no like, don’t read)
By: Ryu-Amio (I own no turtles)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He's finally asleep.

I think...

When his body becomes peaceful in my embrace and his breathing slows to become gentle, carefree sighs... that's when Leo is asleep.

And... it's also my cue to leave his side...

Every morning, I wait for him to drift off, and once he does I sneak away to return to my room before the others in the Lair wake up.

The time it takes to pry myself away from his warmth is painful.
His simple sleeping expression is something I've grown to love.
That, along with his soft, comforting scent that only I seem to notice, makes returning to my room at this late hour almost impossible.

Even so, I carefully slip out of his grip.
My body is hit with a sudden cold as I emerge from his covers. I scrabble to collect my things, strewn about his room by us careless lovers.

Ah... my mask. I can't find it.

In this bland, featureless room Leo retreats to at the end of the day, any colour would be out of place. But finding a single streak of red becomes difficult at this time of night.

The darkness is like a fog down here. Cold. Wrapping around me. Suffocating.
Looking for something in the dark becomes, unnerving. If Leo had a nightlight like I do, this would go a lot easier.

I decided to go. I'll collect my mask tomorrow. No big deal.
I'll just say Leo took it to bug me. They'll buy that right?

I chanced one last glance at my hapless brother. Sleeping soundly.
He's different behind closed doors, when he shows me his true sides.
His cold facade and harsh leader mindset is completely broken down when I kiss him.
Hehee... especially there... and there...

For a few moments, I amused myself with fond, if what dirty memories while gazing at his resting expression...

Then I remember... It's late.

Just as I took a step towards the door I felt his hand grab hold of my arm.
"Raph...?" I heard him murmur.

I turned back, expecting to see this as a sleepy reflex.
But no, Leo sat upright, fully awake. A look of genuine pain ebbed onto his face.

"Where are you going!?" he exclaimed loudly, not caring who he might wake up.
I didn't really know how to answer, or what to say at all...
I just looked at him, somewhat dumbfounded by his question.

Leo held on to my arm, his fingers digging into me, desperately trying to display his refusal to let me go.

Tugging at me gently, he urged me to sit. As I did, his other hand gripped me as well, as if to ensure I won't slip away again.
He took a few moments to collect his thoughts...

"You..." he uttered one word before choking up.
Whatever he wanted to say, it seemed to have been plaguing his thoughts for a while now...

"You wait till I'm asleep..." he mumbled.
Even in the dark, I could see him shaking.
"... then, when I wake up... You're always gone."

Leo's grip around my arm tightened.
With his eyes cast down and the tremble in his voice, his pathetic words continued to slip out.

"The last thing I see, is you. And the first thing I see, is not.
I just... don't like it..."

"...Leo."

My free hand rose to cup his face, offering some reassurance while my words hurt him further.
"I can't stay..."

Leo's face cringed.
He knows that.

After a kiss and what felt like several minutes, his grip loosened.

I offered him a lighthearted smile.
"I'll be back here again tomorrow ni-"

"Don't say that!" He exclaimed. "I hate tomorrow!"

His words came out of nowhere, but it was like he was holding on to them this whole time...

"Leo...?"

My brother grit his teeth, and though his eyes were still downcast, I could suddenly see a terrifying swirl of anger and fear welling up inside them.

"At night I'm so tired... My eyes hurt... but... I hate going to sleep!
As soon as I do, tomorrow starts. I hate tomorrow!" his words grew louder. I tried to calm him down, but my efforts only seemed to enrage him more.

"Leo you're not making sense. You don't know what will happen tomorrow.
It might be just like today, maybe better." I reasoned.

"...and maybe not." his tone grew harsh.

"Tomorrow might be the day the Kraang invade again." he stated coldly
"Tomorrow The Foot clan might find our home..."

Leo fell silent for a bit.

"Tomorrow... might be the day I go to bed without seeing your face again.
.... or ever again."

A lump formed in my throat.
I looked at him, his eyes lacking any light or strength.
As I tried to come to terms with these thoughts, Leo's true feelings, he droned on.

"We'll fight...
We'll say goodbye to people we love...
Go places far from here...
You'll leave my side...
The world will end...
We'll all die...
All these things will happen, one 'tomorrow' at a time."

His voice lacked feeling or any kind of doubt, as if he had been reciting these words to himself all his life. They came as naturally as breathing.
Leo's hands rose to cover his face, trying desperately not to cry.

This fear...
These uncertainties...
How long have they haunted my proud, noble lover?
How could I never see them?
Me, who he shares everything with... couldn't notice these things till now.

In that moment, with my face blank at this revelation, tears came.
Tears devoid of sobbing or weeps, just... simple tears, spilling forth from emerald eyes.
And I knew why:

I cried, because I didn't know... any of this.
And what's worse... I didn't know how to comfort him... at all.

Nothing came to me that would ease his mind, nothing I can say would make these thoughts of his disappear.
That... made me unbelievably sad...
I didn't even attempt to hide these tears.
I felt disgrace.
I'm... a poor lover... for not truly knowing his heart.
The heart that beats in tune with mine.

Leo shifted closer, telling me that crying didn't suit me as he wiped my tears away.
I sat on his bedside, overwhelmed by the thoughts that he has carried with him for who knows how long... I couldn't speak... But I was trying, desperately, to say something.
Anything.

His head came to rest against my shoulder, and when he opened his mouth to utter a cliché, his words were so heavy I almost felt them weighing me down.

"I hope tomorrow doesn't come..."

I simply rested my head against his. I had nothing to add.

We stayed like this... for what felt like hours. Just staring into the abyss that had filled his room. Wrapped in darkness and silence and cold, neither had anything to say.

Is this... okay?
To think this way?
To just have this fear by part of your life?
Could I face him tomorrow, knowing these thoughts loom over him?

It took me a while to see the obvious answer:

'Pfft... like hell I'll just let this slide!'

"Leo...?" I asked as he was trying hard not to fall asleep laying against me.
In the dark, my hand sought out his, and held it tightly.
"What can I do, to make tomorrow better?"

He didn't say anything.

"I won't let you keep thinking this way." I stated as somberly as I could.

He still stayed quiet.

"I don't want you to hate tomorrow."
"...why not?" he asked, almost begrudgingly.

"Because... tomorrow... we're gonna have pizza." I stated.

...
...
At first, it was quiet, then... he chuckled...
A soft, carefree giggle that cut through the night's icy grip like a hot blade.

"Tomorrow... we're gonna watch TV.
We're gonna train and show the B team who's boss.
We're gonna see cool stuff and save a bunch of lives.
I'm gonna be right here, like always..."

I tore my eyes away from the abyss before us and turned to face him, feeling my cheeks burn in a mixture of conviction and embarrassment. He felt me move and pushed himself up to meet my gaze, his eyes devoid of that earlier fear.

"Tomorrow... I'm going to kiss you..." My fingers rose, pointing out two spots between his neck and shoulder "....here.... and here..."

Leo blushed.

"When I look at your face, I want to see you happy. And I'll make you happy: tomorrow and every tomorrow after that."

Leo laughingly winced at my heartfelt confession, finding it too ridicules to take seriously, but he smiled. He smiled genuinely, and that's all that matters...

"Thanks Raphie..." he cooed, cuddling up to me once more. All trace of his previous anger and anxiety wiped away by a few simple words.

I don't know if those words will make his fears disappear forever... but if all he needs is one or two words to keep his fears at bay, then I'll be here to reassure him every day. With however many words he needs.

I kissed his forehead, something I'm rarely able to do.
Leo groaned and pushed me away, complaining about how much he dislikes me doing that.
Before he finally told me goodnight, he produced my mask from underneath his pillow, meekly offering it to me.

I smiled, jokingly scolding him for playing pranks at this hour.

Just as I tried to take it, he yanked the crimson band away at the last second.
Leo smiled shyly...

"What's wrong Leo?"

"I...I'll give it back tomorrow..."

End.