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SakuraKitt — TMP page 2
Published: 2010-06-22 12:36:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 4191; Favourites: 72; Downloads: 22
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Page two is hereeee =3 But why are parts of it all blurry? but other parts not Dx it happened when I resized it, idk why.lots of speech lmao 'cause I kind of needed to fit all this on one page. Font changeddd due to popular demand. I think this one is more readable.
OH LOOK DANTE HAS ARRIVED...NICE OF YOU TO SHOW UP. ^^
yessss so please do leave a comment if possible, I'd love to hear any thoughts ;3
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Other stuff by me X3
Cameo of s charrie murmuring in first panel x)
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Comments: 46
Very cool ^^
Do you mind if I criticize something? Don't worry! It won't be a wall text
I've never made a comic. Hell, I don't know how to draw. But after I've read thousands of comics, I may give you some tips.
I don't think it's necessary you write "*MURMUR*" in the first panel. Only the fact that the wolves are open mouthed, looking at each other and with empty balloons already give the reader an idea that they are murmuring something. Also, I think it's a good idea you "write" something in that balloons, example: a scratch or very small letters (curse my bad english Dx ) like if the wolves were really talking, but the reader can't "listen" nor/or understand. I hope it helps ^^
Other then that, *AlfaFilly already said what I was gonna say. =]
Nuu!! A text wall! D: Sorry!!
But your comic is very good! Keep it up with the good work
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Aww, gotta hate the blurriness. D: I've had that happen before too.
Follows nicely after the prior page. Yet again, narration in the second panel is not needed. 
I like how in the first panel you have blank dialogue balloons. Sort of lets the reader think up things they could be saying or murmuring about. Panels flow very nicely and balloons and dialogue is done good also. I am totally adoring that last panel. The expression is so fitting and cute. xD
This page does look a tad, ugh, don't want to use this term but... sloppy. :'D Every single panel has coloring outside of the lines. The red wolf in panel 1's head is just one big blotch, there are remnants between the mohawk and on the chest in panel 2, and panel 4... nothing's in the lines. Do you have a dark monitor by chance? That would probably explain it. I have one as well and have to be careful in staying in the lines.
Panel 4 in itself is a little awkward. Who's the wolf talking to? It sounds like he's talking to the son, yet he's facing the Alpha's direction. Also seems a bit awkward how just his head and neck are showing. If he's snarling out in a fit of rage his teeth should be bared and the balloon should be "spiked".
That's all I can really find. You're still doing very good. Best of luck on continuing~
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Thanks so much for taking the time to help me out ^__^ You're completely right about the lack of teeth xDD I'll be more carefull to always add them in future.
I'm not really sure if my monitor is dark xD I don't have anything to compare it to. Sometimes I don't have it on full brightness though, in order to save battery power (it's a laptop), perhaps that's the problem 
You say that the narration in the second panel is unneeded, but if I didn't put it, then I face the issue of trying to establish Dante's name, relationship to Calenor, status etc. I thought it would be easy and clear just to come right out with it at the start xDD
In Panel four he's kind of just yelling out his opinion in general to the leaders xD On reflection, it would've made more sense to have him turning toward Dante....but I don't mind that he's facing Calenor, he's talking to him too.
Thanks again! :3
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I'm happy to help! I just hope I don't come off too pushy. I merely suggest things in attempt to help out. Not forcing anybody or intentionally wanting to make anyone feel bad. ^^
Oh, I know a great method that might work for you! :]
I try to speed things up in my own comic work so I've tried to find the easiest, quickest methods I can. You use Photoshop, correct? I can make you a quick tutorial if you'd like.
Well that's the thing. You aren't supposed to rush things like that in a story. It's more compelling for a reader to learn about the characters as the story goes instead of having it just force-fed to them. It doesn't need to take a whole chapter to do this, just a page or two would work. In fact, you can just incorporate it into the dialogue. Already the Alpha has said "son" to him, so if he is the Alpha and he calls him son, obviously that means he's his son (plus they look similar so that would give hints they are related). He could mention his name just very simply. "Dante, my son, blah blah..." would be simple. And as far as him being the future Alpha, well, that's something I personally feel the readers should learn as time goes on. His future of being Alpha seems too important to just put it off in narration. It should be something seen through character development.
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I find this a really interesting comic. I'll follow it as long as I live
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Um, in what way? The only similarity I can think of is they're both wolf comics o.o
...But do enlighten me if you see something else in common.
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Wow!!, yo are ery good in draw comics Jem!, congrats from you, I hope see more of this <33
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WEEEE im murmuring :3!!! this is inspiring me to make a new comic xD
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ffff YES MURMURRMURMURRRR 8D And thank you =3 you should then ^^
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i can't wate for the next page! 
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GASPPPPP, the father's future leader/son finally came! ;D <33
I wonder what will they say next... Cx
Maybe Dante's right... neither side will be safe~ >w< ~
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fff yes...
I THINK HE MIGHT BE x3
...without spoiling or anything <.<
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Fffff...~
GOOD. xD
Lol okay...~ ;D
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WOOOOOO NEW PAGE TIEM 030
The arrows at the bottom panels were really helpful :3 And omg glowy nighttime eyes -want-
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ffff thanks I'm glad someone found the arrows helpful xDD
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Hehe, yay, a new page!~ <333
This one turned out very nice; I can't wait to read what happens next.
The colors look awesome and I love how you did their expressions and the speech bubbles. c:
I didn't get confused where to read the next panel at all. >w<
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This is great so far for the second page. Way to go. ^^
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In the second panel, Dante looks like he was about to say something. His first word bubble could have fit there so that the second panel didn't look as cluttered as AddictionHalfWay said (though personally, all comics are supposed to start slow and "boring" at the beginning as characters are introduced and the story begins to move along) <.< *clears her throat* Anyway, yes the comic flows just fine so the arrows weren't needed.
And there are a few typos that I caught. In the first text box, the apostrophe is missing in "Calenor's son"
In Dante's first word bubble, you used the wrong "their" in "they too have had their young stolen from them" (this typo happens to me a lot too, it's so annoying)
In the fourth panel's word bubble, apologise should be "apologize"
And that's all I could see about technical errors. The art is as gorgeous as ever. I particularly adore the expression on Dante's face in the last panel, not to mention the lighting everywhere! And I think I may be developing an unhealthy crush on Calenor. XD
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By the way, hows the script going? C8
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Coming along. Sorry I'm taking so long ^^"
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Thanks x3
I'll go back and fix 'their' (I can't believe I made such a mistake - I usually am very careful with that Dx ) and 'Calenor's'.
In my country, apologise is correct. I go by UK spelling, not US ^^
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Pfft then ignore all my Z's XD
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I like that you have managed to have enough space for the speech bubbles without overlapping the characters. I have an issue with that myself xD
But you but a lot of text in each bubble. It makes it appear like a wall, and even though they're talking about something fun it feels boring and "silent" to read. Take things slow, don't push a lot of stuff into one panel.
And you don't need those arrows, your pages are very well organized and easy for me to understand and read
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Thanks for the advice C8 I see what you mean, I'll definitely work on those things in the future. As for the arrows, I just wasn't sure, because often when I'm reading comics I get confused as t how to read it
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I didn't even notice the arrows until I was done reading xD But I didn't get confused. Maybe if you have like a buttloooad of panels on a page, but this page is very easy to read
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wow 
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Thanks! I've been having lots of fun with playing with colour x33
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me jealous
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